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Original poster

Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

502 replies

user1486897010 · 04/03/2017 16:44

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

OP posts:
ThoraGruntwhistle · 04/03/2017 17:21

Even worse then. He's ignoring you the fact that you want him to stop and minimising your feelings on it.
He gets told to stop because you don't want to be groped but you're the one in the wrong?? Hmm not macho. Just plain disrespectful and inappropriate.

Original poster
user1486897010 · 04/03/2017 17:22

Wow ok I didn't realise how bad it is. I feel pretty stupid.

He is slightly controlling but I haven't minded that. Was just the public touching and yeah he does it in front of his mates too sometimes. I think to just show off.

I don't mind it at home. But yes he does do it quite a lot. Sorry if this is too much information but if we are like watching tv he will just start playing with my breasts. I assume most guys are like that though. It is just I wish he didn't in public.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 04/03/2017 17:25

No, most guys are not like that.
What do you mean by "slightly controlling", can you give some examples? And why don't you mind?
It's all very worrying. Why are you tolerating such bad treatment?

Please read this: Right, listen up everybody

expatinscotland · 04/03/2017 17:25

'I don't mind it at home. But yes he does do it quite a lot. Sorry if this is too much information but if we are like watching tv he will just start playing with my breasts. I assume most guys are like that though. It is just I wish he didn't in public.'

No, most guys aren't like that, even at home. Yuk! And in public? It's completely inappropriate and obscene. Imagine how it looks to friends of your daughters, to see him groping your breasts in public?

mummabubs · 04/03/2017 17:27

It's your body, you get to say where the boundaries lie. I had an ex who displayed the same behaviour and it escalated into an abusive relationship over the space of 2 years. I'm not by any means suggesting that your relationship is like that or will become so.... but when your partner doesn't respect where and when you want to be touched that's always concerning to me. I really hope he listens to you this time and agrees on other less humiliating ways to show his feelings for you in public xxx

Semaphorically · 04/03/2017 17:29

if we are like watching tv he will just start playing with my breasts. I assume most guys are like that though

No bloke I've been with has done this. I would be very uncomfortable with someone randomly groping me while I was doing something else. Showing affection with a cuddle or a kiss: lovely. Randomly grabbing private parts of my body without any kind of warm up or invitation: unpleasant and possessive.

HecateAntaia · 04/03/2017 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummabubs · 04/03/2017 17:29

And you are not stupid User!! It can take us a long time to accept that this is the responsibility and fault of the person doing the behaviour- i.e. Your partner, not you! You've told him you don't like it and he continues to do it.... whose responsibility is that? Sending love and support xx

AyeAmarok · 04/03/2017 17:30

Your DD is going to grow up thinking that boys/men have the right to touch her even if she doesn't want them to and says no.

This is really not OK. I feel sad that you had to ask TBH. It is so far from normal.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 04/03/2017 17:34

Please don't feel stupid OP, it's not nice to be in a controlling relationship and usually they have you convinced you're wrong all the time anyway. The most important thing is that you feel uncomfortable, and he should be respecting that. The telly thing isn't something I've experienced. Without meaning to overshare, the only time DP touches my breasts is when we're both into it.

TurnipCake · 04/03/2017 17:37

My ex used to do this, especially if we were out at a bar. Equivalent of pissing in a circle around me, marking out 'his' territory. Gross.

He was a controlling arsehole in other ways too

pinkyredrose · 04/03/2017 17:38

Urgh he sounds awful. You're not overreacting, if anything you're not reacting enough. Are you quite young OP? Just wondering if you've not much experience of relationships and think this kind of revolting public ownership of your body is normal? It isn't normal I can assure you.

pinkyredrose · 04/03/2017 17:39

OP in what ways Is he controlling?

troodiedoo · 04/03/2017 17:44

OP he doesn't get to tell you when you are overreacting with regard to your own body.

Please don't feel stupid either. You are not. I'm not normally with the ltb crew but this behaviour is very concerning to me. Please talk to him and ask him to take it seriously and let us know how it goes.

Original poster
user1486897010 · 04/03/2017 17:46

By slightly controlling I just meant that he prefers just being in charge and I don't mind that.

I'm 25 and he is 27. He is the only guy that I've been in a relationship with. We were first together in school and have split up before but ended up getting back together.

He is really good in other ways though and caring. Why do men feel the need to mark there territory???
I didn't realise that that is what he is doing. I really don't want dd to grow up thinking that's ok. I try to make sure she doesn't see when he's touching me but sometimes he does it in front of her but I think she is too young to realise.

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 04/03/2017 17:51

Children are far more receptive to situations than you think. The fact that he does it in front of her too is appalling OP.

expatinscotland · 04/03/2017 17:53

' Why do men feel the need to mark there territory???
I didn't realise that that is what he is doing. I really don't want dd to grow up thinking that's ok. I try to make sure she doesn't see when he's touching me but sometimes he does it in front of her but I think she is too young to realise.'

They don't. He's not caring.

tinydancer88 · 04/03/2017 17:57

I'm sure he has redeeming characteristics, otherwise you wouldn't be with him, but he really doesn't sound great from this depiction.

Doesn't care about your boundaries, doesn't respect your right to decide who touches you and when, doesn't think of the effect of his entitled behaviour on his daughter, and doesn't have a sense of appropriateness when out in public/around other people.

HerOtherHalf · 04/03/2017 18:14

Sorry to be blunt but I think you need a reality check. He doesn't see you as a person, you are just a life support system for a pair of tits and a vagina. You cannot force him to respect you as an individual unfortunately but you can choose to have more respect for yourself. You do not need to settle for sharing your life with someone like him.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 04/03/2017 18:29

You aren't overreacting. You have a right not to be treated like some sort of toy. If you let him get away with this, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he starts doing other things that upset you.

It's hard. Girls are brought up to make an effort in relationships, to be the understanding one, to be "nice". So when a man steps way over the line we try to make things right. We blame ourselves. But this is his fault, his thing to put right.

He thinks he has the right to do this. But he doesn't. Tell him so. He'll tell you you're wrong but it's not his body. I've never had a partner who did this. It's not common. It's not normal.

Original poster
user1486897010 · 04/03/2017 18:35

Is that actually true? Do you think the only reason he is with me is for sex??

OP posts:
Original poster
user1486897010 · 04/03/2017 18:38

Sorry. Thank you for all the support. I just didn't think thibk it was this bad :(

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 04/03/2017 18:41

I think a good way of finding out how he feels about you is to tell him "No groping", explain how you feel about it and see how he reacts.

ImperialBlether · 04/03/2017 18:42

Look, he doesn't care whether you want your breasts felt up or not. He wants to do it and that's what's important to him.

I'm horrified that he does this in front of his friends. That is really shocking. And to do it in front of his daughter, too. And in public! It's really bad, OP - please don't minimise this.

DonaldStott · 04/03/2017 18:47

Omg. Please think of your dd growing up thinking its normal in a relationship for the male to grope your tits and arse. You don't like it, but by allowing it, you are bringing your daughter up to actually EXPECT it.

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