Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

[user1486897010]

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

i am not playing the victim.
nd no i am not that smart. I dropped out of school because i was pregnant with dd.
I have known dp since we were really young. i know i should leave him, i just cant face it. ive been with him basiclly most of my life. we had some time when we were broken up but then we ended up getting back together every time.
i know people are trying to help and everyone thinks im being stupid and even abusing my own child but is hard

Yes it's hard!!!!

But you CAN do it!

YOU HAVE TO.

You know how practically all the time you hear about fucking shitbag men abusing children? And you think good god it's bloody everywhere, how can someone be like that?

THEY ARE MEN LIKE HIM.

THEY ARE MEN LIKE HIM!!!!

You are really young and you have known him since really young and you can't imagine anything else, but the tragic thing is that there is a bloody WORLD of lovely blokes out there, great people who will be a FRIEND to you and SUPPORT you instead of pawing at you like a pervert and making you act like a prostitute for kicks and to amuse his friends.

Do whatever you can to get out and I promise you that in a year you will look back and think omg I can't believe I stayed so long and I am sooooo much happier.

Be very clear - you are putting your daughter in danger by staying with him. You are RISKING her.

Don't do it. Get out get out get out. You CAN.

If you really want to leave him you will leave.
If you really want to protect your DD you will leave.
You are NOT stupid, it doesn't matter if you are smart of not.All the matters is that you protect your DD.
If you don't leave you will be failing your DD

If you dropped out of school pregnant with your DD and you're now 25, then your DD must be somewhere between 7 and 10, surely? But you said "she was too young to remember if she ever saw anything before." How is it possible she's been totally unaware of him groping you in front of her at that age?

i am not actualy 25. i am younger. i just put i was older so people might take me more seriously.
DD is 3. so thats why i said she was too young to realise

I see.

I've just seen that on 18 Feb you started a thread asking whether you should be getting back together with him, yet by 4 March you were living with him and had nowhere else to go - couldn't you have gone back to wherever you were two weeks previous?

Just trying to work out what your actual options are / were.

As a man, No. This is not acceptable at all.

After 22 years I find my wife more attractive than ever but would never grope her in public and would not do so in private if it was unwelcomed.

I have never told her what to wear (I panic when she asks for my opinion of two outfits )

The biggest red flag for me is that he has shown video/pics of you to his mates that should be for the pair of you alone.

What pleasure he would get from it I do not know - well, not a savoury type anyway.

I won't comment on any affect on your DD but this is not a man who respects you.

Second chances can be earned but don't compromise on your own self worth, happiness or DD in doing so.

Yes it's hard!!!!

But you CAN do it!

YOU HAVE TO.

You know how practically all the time you hear about fucking shitbag men abusing children? And you think good god it's bloody everywhere, how can someone be like that?

THEY ARE MEN LIKE HIM.

THEY ARE MEN LIKE HIM!!!!

You are really young and you have known him since really young and you can't imagine anything else, but the tragic thing is that there is a bloody WORLD of lovely blokes out there, great people who will be a FRIEND to you and SUPPORT you instead of pawing at you like a pervert and making you act like a prostitute for kicks and to amuse his friends.

Do whatever you can to get out and I promise you that in a year you will look back and think omg I can't believe I stayed so long and I am sooooo much happier.

Be very clear - you are putting your daughter in danger by staying with him. You are RISKING her.

Don't do it. Get out get out get out. You CAN.
_

This

Most men don't have to be told not to show their friends videos of you doing sex stuff. Most don't have to be told not to grab your breasts in public.

I get that it's hard to leave when you've been with him so long, but if you can't do it now, at least start preparing. You wouldn't be posting here if it was all fine -your instincts are telling you that this man isn't right. Start saving money in an account that he doesn't know about. Do the freedom project or read Why does he do that?. If you can't bring yourself to get out now, at least prepare for a time when you might.

It doesnt matter how old you are and 3 is more than old enough to know what is ok or not ok with other people touching your body. Would you be ok with someone doing this to her and her thinking its ok cos thats what dad does to mum?

If you dropped out of school and daughter is 3 then you're 18/19? This is no way to live, this guy doesn't respect you at all, do you really want your DD growing up thinking this is how women are treated?

Why am I not surprised you're still with this sexually abusive creep? Soon you'll be pregnant again.

I get the sense of a young girl who desperately wants to be taken seriously as an adult who is experienced and grown up in the way of the world.

So to think of it as him having a high sex drive is you being worldly wise. It's not it's about power and ownership

I think as well some of the horror comes from women despairing the change in attitudes and the realisation that the generation coming through is far less gender equality based than we were

This is just aweful. He is just playing the big macho man and treating you like one of his chattels. He is excercising power and ownership over you though he may not even realise it.

If its consensual,,well thaqts fine. An ex GF of mine used to occasionally tease by leaving her panties off and wearing hold ups on a night out. She wouldnt tell me in advance but if we were out somewhere she would whisper to me and tell me how hot she was,asking me to discretly stroke her,,i have to say it worked very well :)

Okay, so your age and what you have or have not lied about are not my business and largely irrelevant.

If you were my daughter, sister or a female friend my point would be the same.

This is not okay. This is not 'normal'.

His behaviour towards you around his mates is dis respectful and something you should not accept.

Telling you what to wear and stopping you having your own social life is potentially the thin edge of the wedge with worse behaviour to come.

Even if your DD sees nothing now she will see and perceive things when she gets older.

You may love him. He may in his own way love you. Where you are now is not somewhere to build a future from.

While you need support rather than judgement, you should take the strength of feeling here as confirmation that this is not okay and being an adult means taking responsibility and action. If you are not strong enough to do it on your own, get some help

It's only a matter of time until this comes to the attention of the authorities, unfortunately it's likely to be through your DD's behaviour flagging up concerns.

This relationship is doomed anyway because this creep doesn't love you.
You will inevitably end up on your own visiting your poor damaged DD in foster care.

If that's what you choose for yourself and your child you don't deserve all this concern.
You deserve contempt!

Wow, my first ever deleted post, despite the content being almost identical to many other previous posters!
Couldn't be because I reported this thread as a potential Safeguarding issue, could it, HQ?
Not engaging with this thread any longer, zero remaining sympathy for the OP, only her daughter. No doubt she will have her own thread in a few years.

There are a few messages deleted now @OneInAMillionYou the entire thread should be removed. I'm not convinced OP isn't just getting off on the attention.

I agree, Ginger, or its her creepy 'partner' behind it.

Op - in the gentlest possible way, please read this whole thread to yourself. Read it as if your daughter had written it. (Becuase she may well do in the future, if this is the role Model she is being shown)

You are so young. You may have 'been with him for much of your life' - but you have SO MUCH of your life yet to live, and live in a peaceful, respected and calm way!

He IS abusive, (still!) and he has NO respect for you. It is NOT normal. You DO NOT need to consent to sex, or BJs, or anything else. You DO NOT need to be pressured into sex. You DO NOT need to prostitute yourself to 'keep' this vile person in your life. You WILL be a better person, and a better MOTHER, if you can keep this pervert away from her and you.

Please phone Womens Aid for help in getting away from him. And do the Freedom Programme, in person if possible.

Spent most of my morning reading this thread... Wow. I’d really like to know how things turned out for OP and her DD.

Not well, I'm sure.

In all honestly I can't work out if you're trolling or not. No offence by that but you just sound very naive. He will play nice until you're pregnant. Then he will stop the pretence because he's got you where he wants you. He knows you won't leave pregnant. Then in a year's time you'll be in exactly the same position as you are today just with two kids instead of one.
No words he says will take back images and videos of you that have being sent around. If he hasn't put you on sites his mates might have.
A good talk doesn't change a person's mindset. He clearly sees women as sex dolls. The abuse will build, because the longer you stay the less likely you are to leave. He knows that.
Good luck, you're going to need it. I hope you change your mind!

Christ, I read this whole thread, feeling sick and angry and rooting for the OP to get a grip and leave..and did not realise it was a zombie thread until the end.
It was horrific reading. I feel all jittery about it. Most men are NOT like this. It is NOT normal behaviour. [shudder]

Do you not realise this man is not behaving normally or even averagely? He is a revolting perv. Why can you not leave him? If you do and take your time you will find someone who treats you with respect.

You sound like a young girl who is in awe of an older man. One who makes the rules - but his rules are not right.

Get rid of him as soon as you can.