Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

[user1486897010]

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

I don't mind it at home. But yes he does do it quite a lot. Sorry if this is too much information but if we are like watching tv he will just start playing with my breasts. I assume most guys are like that though.

Um, no. Growing up, I cannot remember that my father, my uncle, or any of the fathers of friends ever did such a thing. I have also not ever witnessed it in public. I have seen people kiss or hug in public sometimes, but never ever groping. Nope.
Most men are quite able to keep their hands off their girlfriends and wives while in public.

someones comment really got to me. does he actualy see me as a life support for a pair of tits and a vagina. Is that actually all he thinks of me?

Well, obviously he does not respect your thoughts and feelings, as he belittles them as "overreacting".

Plan a way out. Plan it where he cannot, will not ever find out! This is important!

And then, when you know exactly how to get out of this, you can think again about whether he is really worth endless attempts of trying to reform him.

I think once you know a way out, you will feel much less eager to excuse his behaviour.

my child is not being abused though i wouldn't let that happen!! Yes sometimes he touches me in front of her but we would never have sex or anything and i try make sure she sees as little as possible.

Your child regularly witnesses inappropriate sexualised behaviour. This is sexual abuse. You ARE letting it happen so long as you remain with a man who does this to you, and who won't stop when you tell him you don't like it.

Your breasts are not a stress gadget or fiddle toy for his relaxation. He is behaving disrespectfully towards you. You should have full autonomy over your body, regardless of whether you have a DP.

If you make clear to him that you dislike it, find it disrespectful, and expect him to stop, he should be embarrassed that he has misread your signals, and stop doing it.

If he argues that you are being unreasonable, then he believes that he has more right over your body than you do, and that can't be right, can it?

I have a daughter who is a similar age to you and I'd be horrified if her DP behaved like this towards her. As others have already said, it's abusive behaviour.

A normal, decent man would apologise for doing something you don't like and, more importantly, not do it again.

He isn't a horrible person!! I love him and yes he does grope me in public sometimes which i don't like. But he is very caring and makes up for it in other ways!

He isn't a horrible person!! I love him and yes he does grope me in public sometimes which i don't like

Imagine your DD comes to you when she is older and tells you her partner gropes her in public, but other than that he's ok. You wouldn't agree.

Where are your standards op?

just the phrase "playing with my tits" makes me want to vomit

Does he call them "fun-bags"?

Yeah he sounds lovely OP

Caring men don't grope their partners inappropriately and sulk when they get told not to.

My husband shows me affection by making me cups of tea, making me laugh, valueing my opinion. And yes, sometimes by touching me, but not in the middle of Sainsburys.

So when your daughter allows some scrote to "play with her tits" how will you react when she says "but mum, that's what dad does to you and he is ok"

If he wants to play with someone's sexual bits and pieces, tell him to use his own bits.

Look, you posted on here asking what to do about him groping you in public against your wishes. So you see it as a problem. Everyone who's replied thinks its totally unacceptable, which it is.

All men do not do this. It is not normal for a decent, well-adjusted man to grab his partner's breasts or backside in public even after she has repeatedly asked him not to. Nor is it normal for a man to sit there watching TV while trying to fiddle with your breasts like some giant baby trying to comfort himself.

If he cared about you or respected you as a person, he wouldn't grope you in public in the first place and he would listen and respect it when you ask him not to. The bottom line here is that he is not respecting you and thinks he has a right to your body, regardless of your feelings.

But he is very caring and makes up for it in other ways!

Caring men don't continually sexually touch women who have told them no.
Good Dads teach their daughter that no means no, he's teaching her the opposite.

A loving partner and dad doesn't have their sexual abusing of their wives in public and in front of his children cancelled out by making up for it in other ways. Those otheir ways? Childcare? Doing housework? Are things he should be doing anyway, it's called being a dad and husband and isn't something that absolves your bodily autonomy.

You've asked him not to sexually touch you in public, he has chosen to ignore you and to keep doing it. Your daughter may not understand, but by the time she does it'll be her normal.

My dh did this early on-shortly after marrying, but front touching breasts in public. (Thumb and first finger.) I pushed his hands away. The next time, I said, "do it again and we're done". He didn't do it again.

Private inappropriate groping had me avoiding circumstances-going up stairs in front of him for example, when I was ready to slap his hands away. Finally he got a reaction of "the look" as though I was about to slap the crap out of him. He did not do it again, ever...married 27 years.

He never accused me of being a prude or of being over sensitive or that my reaction was a rejection of him in anyway. He seemed entertained by touching me as if it were some kind of joke (sometimes seemed to do it absent mindedly which I refuted immediately) and entertained by my reaction to a certain extent (shocking!) But when he saw that I did not like it and was getting increasingly angry about it, he stopped thus showing respect for me and the relationship.

user...7010 he isn't listening to your verbal requests to stop. So, as with training a toddler (or dog?) you should gently push his hands away from you, every single time, and say "no".
(I would have a hard time not getting very condescending in laying it on thick as though he really were a little boy: his emotional intelligence seems to be about that level if he can not grasp this basic concept of respecting your personal space.) If he leaves you over this, that is down to him and nothing to do with you- (and good riddance!)

likes playing with my tits.

Fucking ugh. Your kids being sexually abused watching this fucked up shit.

The groping is not him being macho. It's him being abusive.

If he asked you to stop doing something because it made him uncomfortable, would you stop? Or would you continue knowing it was upsetting him? That is what he is doing to you, he is choosing to continue. His desire to grope is more important than you feeling comfortable.

I doubt this is his only 'bad' point. Why aren't you a joint owner of the house if you have been together so long? In what other ways is he controlling?

It's not your fault you didn't realise he is abusive. I imagine some of his mates think he is vile to do this in front of them.

He really sees you as his property. He's vile.

OP - it's not just the touching, it's how he has responded to you asking for it to stop that is concerning. He has shown no respect for your boundaries or feelings and this will, eventually, show itself in other ways as it shows he doesn't really respect you.

DH once groped me in public while we were dating. I went fucking ballistic at him (your DH definitely would have considered it an overreaction), he apologised profusely and has never done anything like that again in the ten years we've been together.

I often think the strength of a relationship is not in whether you have problems, it's in how you deal with those problems- do you deal with them constructively, openly and with mutual respect, or do one person's needs and wants ride roughshod over the other's? From what you've said, it's clearly the latter and that's what would be the deal breaker for me.

Ok, if he is caring he will recognise it makes you uncomfortable and stop.
Otherwise, all his care is about is looking after a piece of his property. Does he look after his car?

My ex who is also the father of my DD did exactly this, constantly. At home, going up the stairs, out walking, in a restaurant, in a hospital, even when I was trying to drive he felt it was his right to touch me however he wanted. He'd regularly play it off as just trying to put his arm around me and then start groping. When I got angry he'd said it was because I was hormonal
He said multiple times that as we were together, what was mine was his (we had separate everything, I had my own flat he shared a hovel of a house with drug addict friends etc- it most certainly wasn't shared!) He also believed he was pretty much gods gift to the world and that as he was "not a bad person" everything should go perfectly how he wanted it to
If your DP is anything like him he has no respect for you and this will likely only get worse.
I know it sucks but you have the strength to do what you need to for you and your DD.

It sounds as though he feels he owns you. Does he ever get jealous? Does he have a really bad temper? Does he control the finances?

Just reading your posts there are so many red flags, you are particularly vulnerable as you aren't married.

Can you get some RL support and talk to someone? I would also ring women's aid.

Touching your body after you've told him to stop is abusive, has he ever done this when you are having sex?

OP you are with an abuser and they don't have to knock your teeth out to be abusing you.

If, as you said earlier, you truly don't mind him doing it at home, then that in and of itself isn't a problem (though it's not really appropriate to be doing it in front of your daughter). However, if you do actually mind and have just accepted it over time, then of course you need to speak to him about it.

I think it's his response to your requests to stop that are the most concerning. If he truly cared about and valued you, I would've thought he'd stop immediately and be extremely apologetic. His getting sulky and groping you in public again do suggest he's only thinking about himself, with no regards to how you feel about what's done to your body.

As to whether he only sees you as life support for breasts and a vagina, none of us here have the full picture of your relationship. You say he's very caring, what does that mean? Does he respect and value your thoughts and opinions as equal to his own? Does he seek your input in decisions, or make them himself and just expect you to follow? Can you have conversations with him about your interests and desires, and does he take them seriously? From what you've told us it doesn't sound like the answer would be yes, but only you know the full story.

I know you're probably a bit shocked, but I hope you'll take this as an opportunity to look not just at the public groping issue, but your relationship as a whole. You deserve someone who loves you, cares for you, and treats you with the upmost respect. And know that if you do decide to leave, there's support for you on here and in real life too.

It's controlling behaviour because you have asked him to stop and he doesn't. That shows an inherent lack of respect for you and an inability to see things from your perspective. It is nice that he finds you physically attractive, but the fact that you call it "groping" tells me that it is clearly not affection, rather, it's him getting his jollies whenever and wherever he feels like it. "Affection" should make you feel loved and happy, but what you are describing is something that is making you feel slightly violated and uncomfortable.

Nobody's saying a bit of groping between partners is a bad thing in itself. It's part of the glue that holds most relationships together - respect, affection, lust, playfulness etc. But the point is that it is private because it is a thing just the two of them share, and most importantly the desire has to be mutual. If it's about one grabbing the other regardless of their wishes then it is not pair bonding, it's lack of respect and consideration at the very least and sexual abuse at worst.

It is true that carrying out sexual acts (not just full sex) in front of a child is considered sexual abuse. This is the law (this does depend what country you're in though). It's also a fact, though not the law, that carrying out sexual acts in front of strangers is Very Bad Manners. He may well grumble that you're ashamed of him, but you bloody well should be if he doesn't know how to behave like an adult, just as if he were putting his face down in his plate to eat his food or wiping his nose on his sleeve in public.

I agree with other posters, this is abusive. Sounds like you're in panic mode at the minute, trying to make excuses for him etc, this is understandable but you also seem to know now for sure this is very wrong.
Another poster mentioned about the sort of relationship behaviours you saw growing up, I suspect you didn't see good examples, is this right?
What sort of age is your daughter?
Sorry you are going through this, you deserve so much better than this you really do you know.