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Original poster

Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

502 replies

user1486897010 · 04/03/2017 16:44

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

OP posts:
Ginger782 · 05/05/2017 03:00

He still does some things but would be not fair to ask him to be perfect. I am probably not perfect for him either.
Hmm

Ginger782 · 05/05/2017 03:10

OP, I'll say what I would say to your face.
You're an idiot. And you aren't putting your daughter first. Not at all. You said in an earlier post "I know he's an alpha male type.." Nothing you have written about him shows he is an alpha male.

He is an aggressive male.

Google the difference between an alpha personality and an aggressive personality.

I doubt anyone will give you much sympathy because everyone appears to be unanimous. You want to throw your life away? Fine. Send your daughter to live with someone who can be a quality role model for her, because you aren't.

And use birth control.

number1wang · 05/05/2017 06:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 05/05/2017 06:12

He still does some things but would be not fair to ask him to be perfect. I am probably not perfect for him either.
Your mistake (not perfect Hmm ) is being too tolerant of his sexual abuse. Zero tolerance in these circumstances is the normal you should be demanding and requiring from him for him to have the privilege of having you in his life. It is absolutely fair to expect him to fully stop it. Sharpish.

Why do you tolerate it? Get yourself into counseling ...at least you will know the counseling ropes for when your dd starts to display inevitable fucked-up ness from being exposed to this bastard.

Your desperation for a relationship with him is an embarrassment for you from anyone who is in contact with him. Your seemingly complete lack of self awareness might seem like a coping mechanism. It isn't though-you must be in a serious state of dissociation to be so dismissive of his sexual abuse.

Nice thing humiliation isn't deadly, isn't it?

What will you say to your dd when she finds the pictures of you? She want to do it too? Do you think he will be grooming your dd for his use later- legal age or not? Get out.

picklemepopcorn · 05/05/2017 06:15

I wish I could be happy for you. Sad

Whocansay · 05/05/2017 07:20

"He still does some things..."

I shudder to think what this means. Decent men are not like this, OP.

ptumbi · 05/05/2017 07:42

OP - I second getting counselling for yourself.

Find out why you will put up with this behaviour from him. He is sexually abusing you, and you think it's ok, because you are not perfect? NO-ONE is perfect. You are jsut you. He is an Abuser.

Counselling will give you the tools to see this, and to protect your dd (by getting rid of abuser).

Anyone lucky enough to be loved by you should fucking deserve it, and earn it. Not belittle, abuse and sneer at you.

Sayhellotothelittlefella · 05/05/2017 08:56

OP. This is one of the saddest things I've ever read. You were doing so well waking up to the realisation your DP was an abuser, please don't forget all the advice you have been given.
Can you not now see that when you made it clear to him you did not like being groped, instead of apologising and stopping like 'most men' would he continued - and not just that - he did it more than ever and far more obviously. In order to highlight to you that he was right and you were wrong and he can do what he likes to you.
You now say he still does some things - Even after you've had this big chat and told him how you feel and he promised to change he still does things he knows you do not like.
It's not about asking him to be perfect it's about not being abused. It's about your DD not being a part of an abusive relationship.
If you can't do it for yourself do it for your DD. Right at this minute you are choosing your DP over your DD. Just think OP where that may finally end up - at what point will you put your DD first?

ElspethFlashman · 05/05/2017 09:16

Oh well.

SparklingRaspberry · 05/05/2017 13:29

You're a mother who has a daughter to protect and you're currently failing her, letting her down and not protecting her.

You're an idiot. Your daughter deserves better.

FizzyGreenWater · 05/05/2017 14:15

I've read your thread and am horrified at the way it's turned out.

You are staying - and letting your young daughter stay - with a man who thinks it's ok to share pornographic photographs of his own family members - his daughter's mother - with his friends for a laugh.

That is disgusting and your decision is wrong wrong wrong and a total let down for your child.

How would you feel if you grew up with that kind of dynamic?

You say upthread that your daughter is the most precious thing to you. My children are the most precious thing to me and if they had an abusive sexual predator for a father there is no way I would be able to stand them growing up with that kind of behaviour normalised around them.

I'd beg you to think again but I don't think you will. But there is more out there than this kind of trash for a partner and the damage your set-up will do to your daughter is a given.

FrenchMartiniTime · 05/05/2017 14:49

Just RTFT and if I knew you personally I would be contacting SS and informing them that your daughter is living under the same roof as a sexual predator.

What is wrong with you?

I hope to god you are a troll because of this is true it's horrifying and I hope Mumsnet will investigate further.

BuckinghamLass · 05/05/2017 14:53

Jesus, this is awful, OP. Do not have another baby with this man until there has been AT LEAST a year of excellent behaviour.

I guarantee that won't happen though, the kind of man who behaves this way will find it very difficult to keep the mask from slipping.

I feel sorry for you, your boundaries are non existent.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 05/05/2017 21:03

Did he delete all the videos and photos?

Had he agreed not to pester you for sex if you don't feel like it (including not expecting a bj or anything else from you)?

Does he let you go out by yourself?

Does he let you choose what you wear?

Do you feel able to make choices that he won't agree with?

Is it possible you've come back to the thread because you're not sure you made the right decision?

ExplodingCarrots · 05/05/2017 21:39

Waiting for the OP to say she's pregnant....

YNK · 05/05/2017 21:51

Just to let you know OP.
You are equally guilty in the eyes of the law for allowing this.

I once saw a couple doing exactly what you describe (they were drunk) in a public park in full view of children and families. I phoned the police and they were both arrested!

I hope someone does the same to you and him!
I also hope your daughter is removed to a place of safety asap.

YNK · 05/05/2017 22:06

I think you are complicit in this and the pair of you are disgusting!
You are abusing your child and I sincerely hope someone brings your activities to the attention of the authorities. She is suffering significant harm and being sexually abused.
I cannot tell you how angry this thread has made me!

Creampastry · 06/05/2017 07:12

Jeez, you seriously need to sort yourself out and honestly.... it's disgusting, you're like a free prostitute, you enable him.... have some dignity.

HeavenlyEyes · 06/05/2017 08:11

I have no words. You are deluded and you need to get out now.

ptumbi · 06/05/2017 14:30

OP - I've said it before; how long before he decides that your Daughter's body belongs to him too? Before she is old enough to have his arm round here 'shoulders' on her tits. Before he is filming her and showing his mates?

And he is showing his mates your sex videos for more than a cheap laugh - he is gaining 'points'for being The Man, the one who has a compliant and porny girlfriend. He loves being the one they look up to as the Big Man( even if secretly they are appalled, they are probably turned on too). He's not going to stop at a developing child - her bending over, her out of the shower, her in a bikini on holiday, her innocence gone...whatever age she is, do you want that for her? Do you want the same as you have, for her?

For Gods sake, get out. Get her out. Before the SS step in, or she grows up to be abused, or she grows up to hate you for not stopping her being abused.

weatherbomb · 06/05/2017 14:55

Jesus OP , wake up!!! When will you realise that this is so very, very wrong and do something to protect your child and yourself? SS would take your child if they knew what was happening and rightly so. Your 'D' abuser has no intention of spending his life with you. You're there simply as porn for him & his mates. He doesn't respect you and he doesn't love you. I'm sorry you've fallen for the crocodile tears but no doubt he'll be thinking of you as he shags his way around the lads holiday - not. Only a matter of time before he shares you around his mates if he hasn't already asked you to. Sorry for being so harsh but that is your reality and is this the life you want for your DD? As others have said, what's stopping him from abusing her too, after all she 'belongs to him' doesn't she?? Angry Do yourself a favour and contact WA and bring his phone to the police and get as far away from him as possible.

YNK · 06/05/2017 15:46

The OP is aware now and has decided to continue to enable it.
FWIW, I believe she was aware from the start and enjoys the shock value and any negative attention.
She is equally responsible for outraging public decency and child abuse.

I don't think any other thread has ever made me so angry.

Willow2017 · 06/05/2017 16:48

Just caught the updates.

See you in a few months op once you are pregnant and still being sexually assaulted in broad day light and wondering if it's still ok or not.

He has played you for a real naive fool. "I will cook for a week" to shut you up them it's back to normal. You said yourself he is still doing stuff but you don't expect perfection. No but you EXPECT RESPECT AND NOT TO BE TREATED LIKE A SEX TOY.

If you let him continue then you will show your kids how being assaulted by a man regularly is the norm. Or that child abuse is the norm This man is a predator a user he no more loves you than fly through the air. Shame on you. I really hope someone contacts SS to save your kids first.

pinkyredrose · 06/05/2017 16:50

OP what are the things that he still does?

Original poster
user1486897010 · 13/05/2017 12:05

omg i am shocked at replies. I didnt expect tht.

He would never do anything to dd or harm her in any way! If i thought that he would then i would take her away. She means everthing to me.

He has stopped touching me in front of her too. hasnt done it at all since i said. so is not child abuse. she doesnt know about any of it.

He still wants sex a lot but then all guys do but he has got better. i think it can work.

OP posts: