Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

[user1486897010]

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

He's going to cook for a week whilst still sending pornograpic pictures of you to his mates.
Sounds a fair swap.

What's that quote? "Who is the greater fool, the fool or the fool who seeks wisdom from the fool?" Or something like that.

I weep for you. I weep trebly for your DD.

If you need to come back, sometime down the line, do. But until then, I'm out.

One last thing. Go to your GP and get a shot in the bum or implant or whatever regular, long-term untamperable contraceptive you can. A man who for whom consent is not an issue will not think twice about tampering with your birth control.

Do you not see that is wasn't a coincidence he left you when you were pregnant?

Leopards don't change their spots and what he has done is unforgivable. I can't believe that you're willing to give him another chance when he shared a cum pic of you with his mates, when he has repeatedly abused you and used you like an object and found it funny.

Why on earth do you still love him? You need to fix yourself and I would really recommend you see a counsellor.

Your friend is not your friend if she told you to give him another chance after you revealed that you are being kept as a sex slave.

I really think you need to call Women's Aid.

Imho, a variation of Stockholm Syndrome came to mind. Get yourself into counselling, OP , and now that he is sorry and such a family man let him pay for it.

Otherwise,
Jesus wept.

My god is he my ex (1st boyfriend and dad of my oldest). When i told him i was leaving as he didnt respect me, kept cheating, drugs ect. He turned on the water works, told me he would change and then suggested another baby so we could be a proper family. I stupidly believed him and guess what happened after a month

Im sure you think is different just like i thought he was!

OP, I'm really worried that you're underreacting. Your orignial post was to ask if you were overreacting about the way your boyfriend behaves.
It's clear as you've given more detail that you are not at all. In fact, many posters are very concerned for your wellbeing and that of your daughter.
I think you're too close to the situation to see how bad it is. And I don't think your friend has been helpful or supportive.
Grown men do not behave like this.
There seems to be a total lack of respect for your feelings, or for you as a person.

Doing the cooking for a week makes not one jot of difference.

Please keep talking to him. Please make sure you remind him of what acceptable boundaries are both in public and private places. Please think very seriously about things. Being 'a family' is not about a child having two parents. It really isn't. It is about having a relationship where there is mutual respect, about making sure that the other people in the family are loved, nurtured and encouraged to be themselves.

I'm sorry to say that so far, I can see no redeeming features. You deserve to be treated like a woman, not like a walking, talking blow-up doll.

My god. I'm gunna be brutually honest because so far clearly nothing is working

I fear for you. I fear more for your daughter.

You have the choice to leave, she doesn't.

You might think she isnt picking up on it, but I can promise you now she is.

As a mother you're supposed to be protecting her. Right now, you're failing her. That should be enough reason to leave OP!!! If you don't want to leave for yourself, leave for your daughters sake!!!

Your partner can apologise all he likes, he can cook all the fucking dinners in the world, he can clean till his hands are red raw - it still doesn't take away the fact he has and will continue to abuse you!

Right now you are allowing your daughter to witness abuse. You are allowing her to grow up thinking this is normal. Allowing her to think it's okay for men to treat you like this. Don't let her be you, OP. Don't let her have that mindset. Show her that when an absolute disgusting excuse of a man treats you like this, you leave!

If not you can go ahead and have that second baby and live happily ever after ya know, where if you have a girl she too will grow up thinking this is normal. And if you have a little boy, he will grow up to be like his father - an abusive piece of shit.

He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. Which means he doesn't even like you. He doesn't give a shit about your feelings.

If you stay with him then good luck OP. But I hope your daughter finds the strength and courage from somebody else because she's gunna need to.

"when i was pregnant he left me for another girl but we ended up getting back together after i had dd"

I'm sorry, but it does sound like you're just a body to him. When those "sexy big tits" got all covered in veins, and you got heavy, he left you for another non pregnant body asap? It doesn't sound like he even really likes you that much (just your tits). Your posts definately don't read like he loves you. An ex friend had a dp that was very like yours, controlling, sharing pics etc of her, but she acted like she was cool with it/into it. Then we got fucked on coke one night, and had a threesome, (when we stopped being mates). They broke up about a year later. I saw her out and about with the kids a few times, and couldn't really look at the kids. I still feel sick at the thought of that night He used both of us in the most awful way. Please don't continue to let him force you to do things you're not totally comfortable with.

You've exposed you're daughter to sexual abuse to keep him happy. Little girls shouldn't even know daddy likes to play with mums boobs, never mind watching it!

OP why on earth are you giving him another chance. He's abusing you. Groping you, sexually bullying you, filming you, sending videos of you to his friends!! Just take a step back and think about that. What would you want to do to a man in the future who treated your DD like this. It's absolutely monstrous! He doesn't love you, he doesn't respect you, he doesn't care about you. He films you and sends it to his friends, that's akin to prostituting you. You are an object, a play thing, the butt of his 'jokes'. Can you imagine for one second ever wanting to treat him in such a foul degrading way?? No? That's because you love him. He doesn't feel the same for you no matter what his ridiculous crocodile tears say. Your passiveness at your situation is making me cross. You are under a duty to protect your child, you are failing in that duty badly. She needs you to keep her safe, that is your job and should be your absolute priority. Am at a loss for words ...

OMG what a depressing update.
You really do have your head firmly stuck in the sand.
You have been a groped ,taken photos of and make a joke of by him- his friends have seen all this happen. Where is your pride and self respect?
If you were my DD l would be dragging you out of there.
Oh but wait a few tears and pathetic promises has made all these things disappear.
Till the next time.
Oh and l wonder what he has on his phone to share with his friends while he is away..
Good luck OP you will need it.

I think you will be back posting on here soon

Hi user 148
The fact you cannot tell the people closest to you like your auntie all that has gone on, shows that you know it's not right.
The fact you are posting here shows you know it's not right.
Be careful. Be prepared to leave. And remember you are worth so much more.
I know it's hard to take that leap of leaving but once you do, you will wonder why it took you so long
X

I don't have anything new to add. I am just feeling so sad for you and so so so sad for your poor dd. Please do not have another child with this abuser. It's not fair on the poor child.

What he did: the tears, the talk of family and housework - I expect that surprised you. But it was just the charm offensive that a PP predicted in advance.

When you see it's all just words, do get out and keep people like this out of your life as much possible (one you'll have to co-parent with).

Sensible decision not to get pregnant. Stick to that.

I honestly could not agree more with all of the posters advising you to get away from this man. Some posters, in particular, Attila and Twingler have given some excellent advice. My own DD has/is experienced similar with her ex, so I can speak from experience. The signs are glaringly obvious. Your partner will feign remorse ... for now ... It won't last.. He is going on a lads holiday, but will cook dinner for a week, to make up? WTAF?? My DD (and we) have been to hell and back with her abusive, controlling BF. (We finally appear to have got through to her - we hope). Please, please, please, do not continue to allow this to happen to either you or your child. He is controlling you - the crocodile tears, mocking you behind your back. He is a disgusting individual who doesn't deserve you. Wake up. Even your own friend has given you bad advice. DO NOT LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU ANY LONGER. Pleeeeeease be strong.

And keep this in mind: You're an unmarried partner living in his house. You have zero right to remain in there. He can kick you out at any time.

Fucking hell! You're giving him one more chance not to video you giving him oral sex and show it to his mates? Jesus.

"Don't ask for advice unless you're willing to accept the advice given"

^^ this is very very wrong. Please don't say this or listen to this either.

Way to go in silencing someone who desperately needs support and the space to develop her own thoughts when in a very difficult situation.

It may be frustrating that the OP hasn't taken all the advice given in the timing others have decided for her. She is not duty bound to act on whatever advice strangers on the internet give her.

I think that given the OPs upbringing and experiences, it won't take just one thread on mumsnet to change a lifetimes experiences and programming. It's naive to think that it would.

I hope that the OP can come back, and keep on sharing stuff with people online and in real life. And eventually, in her own time and her own way she will change what she's prepared to let people do to her.

Good luck op. Keep posting

Good luck, OP. I often think that in life, we are given warnings. We can either act on them or choose not to. In order for this r'ship to work, he needs to change his mindset; and the reasoning behind why he thinks it is okay to exploit you. It is never okay. But, hey, you've made your mind up & I really hope it works out for you. Has your dp thought about counselling? It is no good him cooling for a week, if after that week, he reverts to type. It seems like this will need to take a very long time to turn around. He needs to 'unlearn' a lot of things.

cooking*

Op, posting on here was a good idea. I understand it must be to suddenly hear many different people from many different walks of life tell you what's happening is wrong, when you have been told by your partner and friends for years that this is normal. I can imagine the conflicting feelings you must have.

When he's on his lads holiday, take that time to consider what life would be like without him. You will definitely probably find it much easier. It might be a good time to leave.

*must be confusing

OP in your shoes I'd

1. Send him a text saying "my friend at work is raging coz her boyfriend showed his mates videos of her naked. Sorry if I'm being silly but you'd never do anything like that would you?" To get his response. If he lies then you have evidence he's not doing it with your approval.

1. Then I'd pack a bag including all my documents, tell my aunt to expect me, take your DD and his phone to the police station and ask to see the domestic violence team. Tell them everything. Especially tell them about the groping in fromt of DD. Never go back.

If you get this recorded as domestic abuse then you probably can get legal aid for a lawyer to help make sure you get a good deal for maintenence for your DD.

If you record the sexual abuse it may give you more control over the terms of contact.

OP, how have things been since your last post?

hiya
Just want to give an update to say am still with my partner.

He has got a lot better.i had a big talk with him and said i was going to leave unless he sorted it out and so far he is doing well :)

He still does some things but would be not fair to ask him to be perfect. I am probably not perfect for him either.