Ok OP. You know everyone here just wants to help you, right? It's not that surprising that you are confused. Of course you WANT to believe him. It unfortunately doesn't mean that anything he's said is true. I don't know whether you've done this, but take a look at the relationship boards and look at the threads where women have come on and admitted they are being abused. Especially the long running ones where the posters are further along the journey, or the posters who keep coming back and nothing has changed. You start to see a pattern. You'll see it and you'll recognise that it's happening to you too. Just keep quietly reading and you'll gradually see it. People here are predicting that he won't change because they've seen it play out a thousand times before. I know it's a new way of viewing things and a new way of thinking for you, so it will take time.
Leaving seems so impossible, doesn't it? As though your whole world is imploding. I've left two bad relationships (though neither anywhere near as bad as the things you've described) and it was hard. The first one was my son's dad. I was 19 when I fell pregnant and he was very controlling in some ways. I didn't ever leave his side or do anything without him. He told me he wanted a dna test because I was such a fucking slag that he couldn't guarantee the baby was his. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I was literally never away from him. He was sacked for getting into a fight at work while I was pregnant, so I was with him every hour of the day. He sometimes used to choke me when we had sex (which I often didn't want but went along with because I couldn't bear the sulking). He used to tell me things to say to him during sex, things a woman in porn would say. I caught him touching me as I was sleeping. And then he coerced me into having sex with him two weeks after I'd given birth and had the nerve to complain that my stitches had rubbed him. He tried to push me down the stairs while I was holding my son. Not a real intentional push, but shoving me with his shoulder in a temper. He knew exactly what he was doing. That was because he'd been reminded that i'd had a boyfriend before him. Not even a discussion about the bloke, just the knowledge that i'd been with someone else. In between all that, he was nice. It took me over a year to split up with him. He came round crying and I took him back because I felt guilty, as though I was ruining my son's life. It took another 6 months before I left him again and the sheer RELIEF knowing that I meant it for definite this time and he was gone for good was amazing. He's still a spectacularly shit dad to my son now.
The second one wasn't like that. It was more... Psychological and emotional. Had me jumping through hoops and changing my personality to please him. I was with him for quite a few years. He cheated on me and it was somehow my fault and I had to win him over. He texted other women, then just covered his tracks better when I found out. I found a lot of messages to female 'friends' where they slagged me off and he told lies about me and laughed at me. This had been going on our entire relationship and I had no idea. I found messages dated when we'd just got together, before we'd had sex, where he was laughing about me with another woman saying I probably had a loose vagina and it would feel shit and she laughed and agreed. I found that he'd sent a photo of me to his male friends talking about how disgustingly skinny I was. This was the total opposite of what he was saying to me at the time. He intentionally used to look at pictures of stick thin supermodels in front of me and talk about weight and how much more attractive thin people were. My weight fluctuated between 8 and 8.5 stone at the time. As a result of his bullying, I starved myself and weighed less than 7 stone. Which he then slagged me off to his friends for. It took me years to leave. I felt that he could change and that I just had to show him that it was wrong to treat me that way. He always said the right things. One day I had a lightbulb moment where I realised that I shouldn't have to teach somebody not to treat me like shit and he was the one person who was supposed to make me feel special and good about myself. This realisation hit me out of the blue one afternoon as we walked back from the cinema. I told him exactly those thoughts and suggested that he pack his things and leave. And I never saw him again after that afternoon! That was a really pivotal moment for me when I realised that I deserve to be treated well. I still think back on that moment now and feel so happy that I finally took control and stood up for myself.
Your friend has given you some bad advice, I'm afraid. Were you as honest as you have been on here? It's so much harder to say the terrible things face to face than anonymously online, where it's not going to have a real impact on your life. I can remember coming on here and starting a thread about my ex (under a different name) and arguing when they all said I should leave him, adamant that they had all got it wrong and it would be fine. I hadn't even told them any of the really bad stuff and they told me to dump him. They were right, of course. I wasn't ready to hear it then, but it stayed in my mind and set me thinking and gradually I began to see it. Your friend might not realise just how bad this situation is. Or she might be another person who thinks this is normal. But that is one voice against all of the people here telling you it is wrong. And the law is on your side. What he is doing is A CRIME. Don't think that you can't leave because of money. I was a single parent living in benefits after I left my son's dad. So much better than being with him. And do not have another baby with this piece of shit!!!!
Don't feel that you can't come back here and post because you've decided to stay. If (or more likely when) it goes wrong, you can get some more advice. Please be careful and think about what everyone has said to you.