Husband's reaction re cheating

[eclipse16]

Hi everyone, just after some advice from you lovely ladies who have sadly experienced infidelity.
I am happily married, however have reason to believe my husband may have been unfaithful last night. I'd rather not go into specifics, paranoid about the Daily Fail! I approached him with my concerns this morning after finding evidence (it's doesn't 100% mean he cheated however it seems likely and is evidential enough for me to think such a thing and bring it up in the first place), and he lost his rag and seemed genuinely hurt that I would think such a thing. He's made me feel like I'm the one in the wrong, which I could well be true I guess.

My question to you, is how did your partner react when you first confronted him about cheating? His reaction has thrown me as he seemed so genuinely angry and upset and now I don't know if I'm being played for a fool or not! It's so hard to know whether I should be apologising or leaving him!

I will never be able to find out more than what I already know about last night so it's impossible to do further digging.

I read a similar thing on another site. She could smell a condom. He denied it, they got married and he admitted it 5 years later, by which time they had a DD.
The problem is a smell doesn't last forever, so it's easy to deny and it's not visible.

One things for sure, if he was cheating, he'll have a good shower next time, because he knows you'll sniff him out.

Hi, xh's first reaction at being asked was to lose his temper, shouted that he had had enough of my paranoia and that I needed to get mental help. He also refused to sleep in the same bed with me because he was so upset until I apologised. This was just suspicions. When I had proof and confronted him, I was careful to not let him know exactly what I did and he lied to my face repeatedly. 'It was just a kiss. I swear. I'll never lie to you again'. 'It was just one night. I'll never lie again.' 'It was an affair but it's over...' You get the drift. The worst part wasn't even the actual sex. It was that I genuinely believed I was going crazy and my feeling awful was all my fault. The sex I could forgive (but not continue) but I'll never forgive him for deliberately breaking my confidence and turning me into a shadow of myself. Almost three years on and I still don't think I'll ever trust anyone enough again to have another relationship. OP, trust your instincts and stay strong. Make sure he thinks you know more than you do. That way he'll find it harder to lie.

And I think 'trust your instincts' is a good one. Unless you've had a problem with jealousy in the past, then this kind of thing doesn't pop out of nowhere.

Bit late now I suppose to look for the remainder of the condoms from the pack he might have bought.

You could debate this on here until the cows come home but unless he admits it or you find out from someone else, you have little to go on other than your gut instinct and only you can decide if that is enough.

As for this posh wank scenario! Jesus, clutching at straws is an understatement!

I don't think his willy would still smell of condom that long after anyway.

TerrorTwilight this is mumsnet, the OP asks what we think and we give our opinions based on our own experiences. Mine was that he was and is a cheating twat and he reacted in exactly the same way as OP's H when confronted!

Those who say it's a distinctive taste, can you still taste it the next morning though?

I'm probably way to invested in this, but! I wiped my arm with a baby wipe a bit ago and just tasted it and not sure about tasting like a condom, but it definitely had a powdery taste/texture to it and the longer it's been there the less it smells like baby wipe if that makes sense!

Is there a chance you might already be pregnant if you're TTC? I only ask because one of the first symptoms I had was a metallic taste in my mouth that made everything taste weird and it could be a factor here if he did use the baby wipe?

Have you tried licking a wipe?

I did think that Spacecadet but no definitely not
I wiped said wipe on my arm this morning and tasted it from my arm. It was a strong taste but wasn't the same I don't think. It was the poweryness that made it so distinctive for me
He's extremely strong minded so if he did do it he would never admit no matter how much I pressed
What a weird situation, thanks for all your support

I am wondering why he'd wipe himself With a wet wipe after a wee, do men do this?? I thought they just shook it and put it away! Forgive me if I'm wrong. 🤔

I know I thought it was weird too Moonchild, he's a bit of a clean freak and mostly wipes with tissue after a wee and sometimes uses wipes

I hope you get to the bottom of this. I wish you well op.

If he's a clean freak then no way would he go to bed still smelling of anything other than soap if he had dtd. Innocent, is my vote.

Echoing what Moonchild says - hope you get to the bottom of the taste and that if he's done nothing wrong you can get past this.

Did you leave the wipe a bit? I think it does taste powdery, I left it to dry for a while!

I really need to get out more!!

he is genuinely against sleeping with prostitutes, and is also a bit of a prude.

He went to a strip bar!

I doubt you see many "hes a bit of a prude" men in there.

How many times has he been to a strip bar before?

Thanks everyone, you're all lovely!
Bucking - he was so drunk when he came in I can't imagine cleaning himself would have crossed his mind! But he didn't seem to object when I went down there, and maybe he would have tried to stop me if he was worried about that. That's a good sign I guess. Unless he's just stupid which is also likely

Emboo - no I tasted it straight after, will try again and leave it longer. Thanks for trying it out for me!

FATE - normally just on stag do's. Less than once a year. I didn't mean a prude in that way, I meant sexually. But I don't think that's got anything to do with anything really.

I think a condom taste is quite distinctive and I think the smell lingers too.

If he said he only had one drink then you might still see something odd in terms of cash withdrawals.

Not sure if you'd find remaining condoms, either he'd have thrown them now or one might have been provided?

If my partner accused me of cheating I'd be utterly bemused at first to be honest. I don't think I'd fly off the handle. Although I guess it depends on how you broached it.

Sorry OP, it's a bit of a conundrum. I'm stumped to how you can sort it out. He is either genuine or making such a scene as to be unreasonable, only you might know if it's an act or not.

Do you think he was bluffing with the phone a friend thing? What would happen if you asked for their numbers and called one randomly? Or do you think it's too late now?

He would have had to buy a pack of condoms from a machine though which seems a ridiculous thing to do for a wank but who knows!

You think this is more ridiculous than

a) paying good money to look at women he can't touch

And/or

B) sleeping with another woman (so buying condoms) and forfeiting the relationship with a woman he has been ttc with?

He was so drunk when he came in he wouldn't have thought to wash... but the posh wank scenario is far fetched?

I urge you to understand you are so so insecure in this relationship (sound like it's a motif in your life, but not helped by your partner going to strip bars) and having a baby with him - it might seem that would give you security but the opposite is true. You need trust and security to coparent.

If he had been to a strip club and had sex with someone with a condom, wouldn't he surely have had a shower or something when he came back?? Did he?

Having a shower wouldn't be the first thing on his mind if he was completely drunk when he got back tho?