Husband's reaction re cheating

[eclipse16]

Hi everyone, just after some advice from you lovely ladies who have sadly experienced infidelity.
I am happily married, however have reason to believe my husband may have been unfaithful last night. I'd rather not go into specifics, paranoid about the Daily Fail! I approached him with my concerns this morning after finding evidence (it's doesn't 100% mean he cheated however it seems likely and is evidential enough for me to think such a thing and bring it up in the first place), and he lost his rag and seemed genuinely hurt that I would think such a thing. He's made me feel like I'm the one in the wrong, which I could well be true I guess.

My question to you, is how did your partner react when you first confronted him about cheating? His reaction has thrown me as he seemed so genuinely angry and upset and now I don't know if I'm being played for a fool or not! It's so hard to know whether I should be apologising or leaving him!

I will never be able to find out more than what I already know about last night so it's impossible to do further digging.

I wouldn't say that was evidence. You have suspicions, but maybe your imagination is running wild. Would be reasonable to say you could be imagining the smell.

I think you have your evidence right there op

It's so hard to know what to do about it as although I am pretty sure, I will never be 100% sure. Am strangely jealous of people that find texts, at least they know for sure! I think I will have to somehow get hold of his bank statement to see if that can show any proof and and then take it from there..

Instincts are there to protect you.

Sorry you're going through this, OP.

The "attack is the best form of defence" defensive attitude would be the clincher for me.

My DH has a tendancy towards being defensive... only when he knows he is in the wrong though.

I make judgements about the type of men that visit strip joints. I wouldn't want to be married to that kind of man, who objectified women.

Won't he hve taken cash out to spend at the strip club? I don't know that a cash withdrawal would mean anything, even if he used his card in the club. DH will take cash out for night out, spend too much then start using his card.

I think you have all you are going to get.

Instinct is reason enough to confirm cheating ????

What utter bollocks.

"we are TTC"
Please stop trying.

Oh yes please stop ttc until things are clearer.

If he did it once, he will do it again. You will get evidence soon enough. Please make sure that you carefully monitor your bank accounts and any way he may have of spending your joint funds. A friend of mine's dh went to a strip club and then started a long secret relationship with a stripper and drained their dd's college fund and much of their savings spending it on the stripper.

When people protest too much then the opposite is likely true.

So if he denies it, that means he definitely did it, then? How could he possibly win in that scenario. Hope no-one posting here gets called on a jury.

Okay so we just a non raised voice discussion about it. He is upset I would think he would ever sleep with a prostitute nevermind cheat on me. This is something that has come up in conversation before (when watching films etc) and he is genuinely against sleeping with prostitutes, and is also a bit of a prude. I know this means nothing but thought I would mention anyway.
He offered to call one of the guys he was out with last night so I could speak to him, but I was too embarrassed and thought he would probably lie for him anyway, so said not to bother.
He said it wasn't his decision his to go to the strip bar (which I believe as it's never been his thing, but he would have just gone along with the flow) and said they only stayed for one drink.
I ended up apologising for accusing him of such things (we have plans tonight with friends and thought it was easier to make up whilst I mull this over in my head)

I feel a bit unemotional about it at the moment, like it's happening to someone else not me.
The more I think about it the more sure I am it was a condom taste. But then my imagination is my biggest enemy so will always question it

You probably have all the evidence you're going to get. It's more a question of what you do next. You might be able to push him till he admits it but you might not. This isn't something that will just go away - what about the next time he is 'just' seeing a stripper?
It's not a nice place to be, you're having to try to come to terms and to work things out. Meanwhile he's choosing to hide and push it all onto you rather than come clean.

Definitely stopped TTC for the time being!

You probably have all the evidence you're going to get.

Which is basically none

Meanwhile he's choosing to hide and push it all onto you rather than come clean.

Or is telling the truth.

Me and my boyfriend use condoms, and I can't say I notice a taste or smell, if I give him a bj the following morning or even straight after for that matter!

That's good to hear Emboo!
It's been so many years since I used one they've probably come a long way since then with regard to taste and smell!
I might buy some and see if the smell and taste is the same or not. Not sure what that will achieve though really as I know I'll still doubt myself.
As some of you have said, I guess if he's done it once and got away with it he's likely to do it again, so just have to keep a watchful eye out...

I totally get it's a weird men's bonding thing they do

Yup, definitely a bonding thing that weird men do.

Embarrassed about a 'posh wank' (that could explain the ease of the baby wipe story if he cleaned up after)?

I think you have shown all your cards too early on this one. Not to say you are wrong, but I don't think you should have been so quick to assume he had cheated. You obviously don't trust him. Don't have a child with a man you are unable or unwilling to trust. Please.

I'd be hurt too if someone levelled an accusation instead of looking for an explanation.

Also, for what it is worth, I've known strippers in the past and all of them (that I knew anyway) would be appalled at you confusing them with prostitutes - but that is another thread.

Regardless of whether he did it or not, you don't trust him. That will kill you inside the next time he goes out.

My gut, from your OP and posts after is that he could be innocent and that you're over reacting.I might buy some and see if the smell and taste is the same or not is a bit bizarre.

I prefer to do all my bonding in wetherspoons..

best wishes to OP

I'm really trying to think now, if I've ever noticed. Our durex box does say 'smells better'
Asked my bf and he says he'd be pretty pissed if I accused him of sleeping with a prostitue. He did say he notices a latex smell when he puts a condom on, but hasn't noticed it the next morning. He also said if your dh had cheated he'd have been more likely to have a proper wash when he got in.
He's volunteered his services to help find out if a bj taste different after wearing a condom though. Just need to wait for the baby to go to bed!

Sounds to me more like he got a backroom blowjob than had sex with another women, still cheating to most, mind. But probably didn't screw her.

Emboo19