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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH and sex

110 replies

Busybeesmum · 03/03/2017 19:52

I'm very lucky. After 4 kids we still have a good sex life. I read a thread on here the other day about a woman who'd been dumped as she wet herself during sex. When DH (tmi) goes hard at it and I've not had a wee before sex I often wet myself. DH finds it a turn on and goes out of his way to get me to wet myself. Is this a common fantasy?

OP posts:
SparklingRaspberry · 04/03/2017 15:18

Oh fgs, why are so many people on here so quick to accuse someone of being abusive?!

Personally, it's not something I'm in to nor something I've ever tried.

But if the OP doesn't mind it, and her partner doesn't mind it, how on earth is it abusive?! It's actually scary how quick some posters accuse someone of abusing their partner! Newsflash, not everyone's the same, and some people will have tastes that you find 'odd'... it doesn't mean they're being abused Hmm

noego · 04/03/2017 16:29

Come come now ladies don't pee on the OP's parade.

Bitofacow · 04/03/2017 16:37

OP go over to Sex there are some sensible discussions on squirting you might find interesting.

olderthanyouthink · 04/03/2017 16:37

pnuttet Grin

Voice0fReason · 04/03/2017 16:52

how on earth is it abusive?
Because it will cause permanent physical damage.
This isn't a moral judgement. Water sports don't appeal at all but I have absolutely no objection to consenting adults partaking. BDSM play can cause pain, but there need to be boundaries in place so that no-one is actually harmed or comes to permanent damage. What he is doing is not safe.

He is forcing her to wet herself. Not against her will - she is consenting to that because it turns him on, she might even like it, but the forceful nature of what he is doing will damage her pelvic floor muscles and therefore her continence.
That is a problem even if the sex was completely consensual.

SquirtersAnon · 04/03/2017 17:30

Have, quite obviously, NC for this post!

This also happens to me. I don't necessarily realise beforehand that I need a wee obvs as I would go.

I believe this is much more common than PP have said, I've done it with a few different men and TBH they have all said they've found it a huge turn on.

I do think though that they think it is 'squirting' which they with their rudimentary knowledge of lady parts seem to think is a lady ejaculation. It's pretty much proven that squirting is just urine.

You only have to know how much squirting porn is around to see that it's not an uncommon thing for men to find a turn on.

And it's not incontinence. I have a bladder of steel....can go for 16 hours plus(!). I actually think that the fact I have a (presumably) large bladder means it happens to me because I don't have an urge to empty my bladder as often so I'm more likely to be at least partially full of bladder IYSWIM.

(....and yes, it makes a massive mess, but there's nothing you can do about that unless you want to sleep on waterproof mattress protectors).

SquirtersAnon · 04/03/2017 17:32

And Voice...do put your pearls down dear.

You'll damage them clutching them that much.

It does no damage AT ALL. And I've never had a UTI because of it.

Sparklingbrook · 04/03/2017 17:39

Can't see how it would be a turn on being soaked in someone's urine but each to their own I guess.

I think when the OP posted they knew they would get a mix of replies which is why they posted.

Namechangeforsex · 04/03/2017 17:40

There is evidence to suggest squirting is NOT urine. My bedsheets being part of this evidence. I do keep some old towels next to the bed but we don't always plan ahead as well as we should.

It is different in both taste and texture. Although some people might wee others definitely don't.

If we are talking about sex in Relationships can we start discussing 'pearls' nowGrin

Emmageddon · 04/03/2017 17:44

Squirting is just pee? Shock So there's no truth to the myth that females ejaculate? They just wet themselves at the point of orgasm?

So that's the target market for double bed sized waterproof mattress covers. And there was me, thinking they're for the older person who maybe incontinent occasionally.

SquirtersAnon · 04/03/2017 17:58

NameChange...I get where you're coming from, I do. But all the scientific evidence suggests that it is in fact urine. Mixed with other secretions, yes, but urine all the same.

They did some quite comprehensive studies on women who 'squirted' including comprehensive analysis of the 'ejaculate' and it was mostly urine.

Sparklingbrook · 04/03/2017 18:02

Compehensive studies. Did they have to collect some in a test tube? Grin

SquirtersAnon · 04/03/2017 18:02

Independent article on the latest research...

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/the-science-behind-female-ejaculation-9987298.html%3Famp

Mostly urine with some amount of substance called PSA in.

SquirtersAnon · 04/03/2017 18:03

Sparkling...read the article Grin

SquirtersAnon · 04/03/2017 18:06

You can tell I wondered the same as the OP at one point and did my own internet research....perhaps worrying for my search history though Grin

I didn't know squirting porn was illegal in the U.K. though (article says so)?

How odd? Why would a perfectly natural response to sex for 10-40% of women be illegal when so much other IMO much less natural stuff be okay?

Sparklingbrook · 04/03/2017 18:25

I have read the article. But they say you shouldn't believe everything you read in newspapers.

SquirtersAnon · 04/03/2017 18:30

Well...this has been fun. But must toddle off to name change back before I forget and out myself on another thread Grin

OverthinkingSpartacus · 04/03/2017 19:11

How odd? Why would a perfectly natural response to sex for 10-40% of women be illegal when so much other IMO much less natural stuff be okay?

It was made illegal in porn quite recently, like in the last few years, can't remember exactly when and irrc a few things were made illegal in uk porn at the same time, I remember reading a thread about it at the time and I think many people suggested it's because in a lot of porn films the women are told to piss so that it looks like squirting, starting sex with full bladder and/or having the man go at it so that piss comes out.

I can see why a bloke would find it a turn on as they probably think their partner is ejaculating. OP is consenting but like others have said, he could be doing damage to her.

Probably what OP describes happening to her, and as it's harmful for the women, I can't remember if the discussion said that's why it's was made illegal in uk porn but lots of posters felt it was a good change as its protects the women in porn from being reassure and expected to do acts that can cause permanent harm to them.

I guess there's also the argument that what happens in porn influences what happens in the real world bedrooms, like the increase in expectation of no public hair on women, and the increasing pressure on girls to consent to anal sex and the girls who have been injured by it, that by not showing it porn it could prevent or reduce men trying to harm their partners to get them to what they've been led to believe is squirting? I'm not sure myself as the majority of porn that's consumed is on free sites and often not made in uk and shows other harmful acts to women.

Ill try find links if anyone's interested?

To answer the OP, no, it's not happened to me and dh hasn't expressed any wish to make me wet myself during sex, I just asked him and he said no way, he wouldn't consent to anything that would cause physical damage to me.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 04/03/2017 19:18

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen

Who knows for sure? Wink

Namechangeforsex · 04/03/2017 19:25

It is probably fluid from the Skene's gland that may have urine in it. That does not make it pee.

Voice0fReason · 04/03/2017 21:40

Women who squirt do so without having a full bladder.
The important point here is that they are having hard sex when she has a full bladder that is forcing her pelvic floor muscles to give way - that is not good for her. No, I'm not pearl clutching, I would have no problem with this if she was choosing to piss on him.

NotYoda · 05/03/2017 06:02

SparklingRaspberry

It is OK to point out that something could be physically damaging. Firgive some of us for giving a shit

NotYoda · 05/03/2017 06:10

Squrters
Great to know you've never had a UTI because of it. That's not any kind of proof that it's not physically damaging for other people.

Voice0fReason · 05/03/2017 11:04

It is probably fluid from the Skene's gland that may have urine in it. That does not make it pee.
It only happens when she has a full bladder - he is making her wet herself.

EveryoneLovesDogs · 05/03/2017 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.