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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH and sex

110 replies

Busybeesmum · 03/03/2017 19:52

I'm very lucky. After 4 kids we still have a good sex life. I read a thread on here the other day about a woman who'd been dumped as she wet herself during sex. When DH (tmi) goes hard at it and I've not had a wee before sex I often wet myself. DH finds it a turn on and goes out of his way to get me to wet myself. Is this a common fantasy?

OP posts:
PsychedelicSheep · 05/03/2017 11:34

It's not something my boyfriend or I are into but I've heard of it as a kink and it's not that uncommon. It really doesn't matter if anyone's else's DH likes it, if you two are happy with it then crack on!

BoringUsername17 · 05/03/2017 12:58

Same thing happened to me with an ex who was very well endowed and very, er, vigorous. No other man has had that effect. No it's not damaged my pelvic floor, but having 3 babies did

SparklingRaspberry · 05/03/2017 14:12

If the OP is having sex with a full bladder then she is choosing to run the risks.

Yes there is a chance that it could damage her and cause health issues. In my opinion, it is not worth the risk and I personally can't see why anyone would want to do that.

But he isn't forcing her to take that risk! He isn't making her risk her health. He isn't making her put herself on the line for infections.

The OP is quite clearly more than happy to take the risk. That doesn't mean her husband, who also enjoys it, is abusive.

Compare it to choking, if a woman enjoys being choked whilst having sex and asks her husband to do that to her, does that make him abusive because he's doing something she enjoys even though there's a risk he could harm her? No.

NotYoda · 05/03/2017 14:15

iI wonder why she felt the need to ask the question then. And phrase it in the particular way she did in her OP? She doesn't sound like someone who is completely happy with this

'DH finds it a turn-on and goes out of his way to get me to wet myself'

NotYoda · 05/03/2017 14:16

And, if he's not abusive then I don't think asking the question should really lead to such a strong response from you, Sparkling. I am sure she's quite capable of setting us straight.

Voice0fReason · 05/03/2017 15:54

Sparkling I think the important difference between consenting to choking and consenting to forced loss of continence is that in choking both parties know that what they are doing is potentially dangerous and in any decent relationship would do it with boundaries to ensure that no-one actually came to harm. If choking was done without advanced communication and discussion of boundaries, it would be an abusive behaviour, regardless of consent. There is a very big difference between informed consent and uninformed consent.

In the OP's case, it's likely that he thinks he is a sex god and this is a sign of her pleasure. The alternative is that he knows he is forcing her to wet herself. Either way, he could be doing damage. That may be out of ignorance or he may get pleasure from knowing that he is doing damage. I would argue that without proper discussion about what is really going on here and boundaries to ensure she comes to no harm, this is an abusive activity.

If he is turned on by her pissing on him and she is happy to do it, then they should go for it. If he wants to make her squirt, then they need to look up how to do it and she needs to not have sex with a full bladder. But they need to start communicating honestly and openly because sexual activity like this is not safe without that.

Sparklingbrook · 05/03/2017 16:10

Oh blimey I wondered what I had said then. But not me. Phew.

NotYoda · 05/03/2017 16:31

Sparklingbrook

Sorry, not you!!!

Original poster
Busybeesmum · 05/03/2017 16:39

I am happy with it but DH obviously enjoys it more. I posted because he's the first man I've been with who has this fantasy.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 05/03/2017 16:44

Well OK then.
Best Wishes OP.

blackteasplease · 05/03/2017 16:48

I have to say I have been told that it can give you UTI to have sex with full bladder. By someone who was a doctor so I assumed it was true.

Voice0fReason · 05/03/2017 18:06

Busybees, does it not worry you that this could well be damaging your pelvic floor muscles and that your DH probably has completely the wrong impression of what is happening here?

You would be better off just deliberately pissing on him during sex so your pelvic floor doesn't get damaged and you continue to massage his ego.

gamerchick · 05/03/2017 18:15

I agree, if he enjoys golden showers then just piss on him in the bath or something. You don't want to be having to wear nappies in 20 years because your dude got off your weak pelvic floor.

Original poster
Busybeesmum · 05/03/2017 21:09

It doesnt happen everytime we have sex its once a month if that. We have spoken about it and he knows its wee not making me squirt.

OP posts:
OverthinkingSpartacus · 05/03/2017 21:21

If his fantasy making you ejaculate he needs to know that that's not what is happening, I wouldn't want my partner to think he was making me orgasm when he wasn't for example, and if this happened I'd have to tell him it's because he's been hitting me inside in a way that has forced urine out. I'd say that if he wants to explore female ejaculation then we can look at safer ways.

Wanting to make a woman ejacualte is probably quite common but if he's trying to do this by copying porn it might be best to do some research.

If his fantasy is you urinating on him during sex then I'd ask to try ways to achieve this without forcing the urine out,. Wanting to be urinated on during sex as fantasy isn't rare, but there are safe ways to do it.

If his fantasy is actually penetrating you roughly on a full bladder to force incontinence on you during sex and you enjoy this and consent knowing the potential damage your body is facing then that is between you and your dh. I would think this scenario is quite a niche fantasy though

OverthinkingSpartacus · 05/03/2017 21:21

Oops, sorry cross posted.

Voice0fReason · 05/03/2017 23:04

So he knows he is forcing you to wet yourself, does he know that his actions can cause permanent damage to your pelvic floor muscles - regardless of how often you do this?
Are you aware that this could do damage?

Original poster
Busybeesmum · 05/03/2017 23:21

I am aware that it could do damage but ive made an informed choice to carry on doing it. I really dont see what the big deal is.

OP posts:
LineysRun · 05/03/2017 23:24

So why post here then?

Original poster
Busybeesmum · 05/03/2017 23:26

Because i was curious if anyone elses partner likes this.

OP posts:
LineysRun · 05/03/2017 23:30

But you said you don't really see what the big deal is?

This is the Relationships board on Mumsnet, not your local FB chat urinary chat area.

Original poster
Busybeesmum · 06/03/2017 00:06

There are some really unhappy women on here obvs

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 06/03/2017 05:49

There are some very wise women on here.

Voice0fReason · 06/03/2017 09:15

There are some really unhappy women on here obvs
How do you come to that conclusion?
Because we don't do things that cause us harm to give our partner's a thrill?
If my DH thought that something he was doing to me could cause permanent damage, it wouldn't turn him on, he would be horrified. Even if it did turn him on, he would refuse to do it! The potential harm to me would outweigh his thrill.

You have posted about how your pelvic floor is already weak - you've even considered surgery to fix that. Your relationship has had a lot of difficulties. It seems to me that you are doing this in order to keep him, to make him happy. You make yourself not mind because he likes it.

Seriously, if you want to keep doing it, just piss on him during sex, don't wait until it's forced - that force will damage your pelvic floor muscles even more.

gamerchick · 06/03/2017 09:49

It's like a form of self harm really isn't it? Confused were you hoping this was a 'thing' to make it ok in your head? Weeing on them is a thing, using force to make you pee isn't.

The question is, does HE know that he could be permanently damaging you and does HE care? Because if he does and he doesn't care you have maybe worse problems than a knackered pelvic floor.