Is there such a thing as sex addiction? Or is it an excuse for having cake and eating it?

[Littledarlingdog]

Brief history; found out recently H has been unfaithful for the last ten years with ten different OW. I realise this could be the tip of the iceberg and that there could be many others.

He works away a lot and says he meets them in hotel bar. He is 58. He is full of remorse, guilt, self disgust and regret. I am in pieces. He says there was no EA and it was just sex. I thought we were reasonably happy. I've been doing lots of reading to help me navigate through this horrendous time. I'm in shock. H has mentioned sex addiction but I've seen this term used a lot. Does anyone think it exists or is it just an excuse for reckless sex.

STD testing for me organised for end of month. Feel dirty and violated. I haven't kicked him out as I'm numb.

He's probably not an addict, he just doesn't want to be monogamous. Shame he didn't know that about himself before he promised you he would be. Or maybe he did, and married you anyway.

I think it's a crock. A total made up condition. Most men just claim they have it as an excuse to shag around.

If a woman were to say she has it, imagine the names she would be called!

Guaranteed there are WAY more than 10.

OP. It's so tough to deal with.

Thanks for all your replies. I told H about this thread and the suggestions of multiple women and escorts. I told him I didn't want to hear his denials or any other lies, that I've heard enough and I don't want to be dragged into the filth in his mind. He looked mortified but said nothing.
I find it so devastating that someone you know, or thought you knew, could be living a double life. I need to let go of this and live and enjoy my life in the best way I can.

My exDH had it with porn. It absolutely does exist and it's heartbreaking. I also think it likely that some will be escorts. Some will be women that he has to work awfully hard at to get them into bed. Awfully hard.

I know this as someone who was close to me was seeing a married man. Turns out he was constantly trolling for other women on social media sites.

It may well be he is into BDSM as or has kinky fetishes.

You must be in absolute shock..

As to STD's - don't believe a word he says about using condoms. Bare-backing is part of the kick.

Just had my STD tests done. The staff at the clinic said if H has just been with sex care workers the risk is only small as they have regular screening

Oops posted too soon. The staff in the clinic were wonderful. The thought of going was actually worse than the visit itself

Well done OP, you poor thing, I'd guess it was a mix of escorts and picking some random up so good you got checked.

Sex addiction my arse; it's a choice; they have control over their dicks; they choose to use it.

What a prick your husband is.

I really hope you find a way to make a new life for yourself, whatever form it takes.

How is it going in your house today ?

I'm glad I'm on my own at the moment. He's away and won't be back until I'm probably in bed

So is it life as normal OP?

No life will never be as I perceived "normal" again. How can it be?

He can't get home because of Doris apparently

That's a crap name for an escort. Sorry, hoping you get my black humour

Doris is causing a lot of mischief

For sure

You told him about the thread? Good. I hope he has the nerve to google it and read it to read about what an prize shit he is and that you aren't going to believe his crap.

So sorry this has happened Op

You gotta laugh even though I'm in this bleak situation
These to quotes got to me today...
" You will never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from "
Cornack McCarthy
" What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise "
Oscar Wilde

I'm sorry OP, it's a long hard slog to get over something like this

It really makes you question your reality, as the life you thought you had didn't exist

I read parts of the thread out, particularly ones from people who stay in hotels regularly. They have validated the point I've been making to him.....there aren't an abundance of women hanging around the boring hotels he's been staying in ( I book hotels for him just to save him time). It's more than likely prearranged hook ups with swingers or escorts. He was dumbstruck

My life has been one big fat lie since I met him

Bang to rights, more like

Strange how he seems to get dumbstruck at convenient times