Me and my husband are separating and I have no one to talk to

[iwasagirlinavillage]

I've left the house - arranged, I didn't just storm out - so we can get some space today and I will go back this evening to get both DDs to bed. DD2 is breastfed but there's expressed milk for her to have while I'm out. Then after they're asleep I'll go and stay somewhere else for the night. Tomorrow I'll go back and he'll leave, then I'll be the one at home all week as I'm on Mat leave and that's as far as we've got. Supposedly it's not permanent but I could be. I'm stuck. I wanted to stay and work on it but I understand his reasoning - we can't be in the same room without arguing and it's not good for anyone. But I'm scared.

And it doesn't matter if it's a kiss or more. I know he's probably not being truthful but it doesn't matter either way and I don't need the visuals playing over in my mind.

You're not a fool OP, no one is a fool for trusting the person who is supposed to love and care for them above anyone else. You did everything right in my opinion. He should be ashamed of himself.

To be honest, the comments saying you knew it from the first post and it was obvious all along are making me feel like a fool. Without certainty I had to try because, unlike him, marriage means something to me.

I said that OP because I have seen it on here for the last few years; there's not much difference in the script, that was all, it certainly is not to upset you; I just can't stand cheats, my dad did it to my mum and she had a nervous breakdown.

Of course you had to try, doesn't make you a fool or stupid, makes you a good person in my book, you wanted to keep your family together.

Don't take blame for his indiscretion, it's his alone completely.

No one thinks you're a fool OP; I think comments about suspecting OW from the start are aimed more at the posters who urged you to consider his feelings first - poor guy, struggling with pnd etc.
And you're certainly not coming across as a bitch either (that's the last thing you should be worrying about).
Please don't leave your dd overnight with him; she's too young to understand why she can't have milk from mummy, and this is only really possible in emergency circumstances. Actions have consequences and this is one consequence of his - nothing to do with you being unreasonable.

Bastard! Trying to make you feel like you were in some way to blame for you seperating! Horrible excuse for a man.

Did you ask him or did he come out with it himself?

I'm so sorry if my post upset you op (((hugs))). It is easier being outside and looking in than it is to be in your situation. This isn't just a post on a forum, its a marriage, its shared memories, its your family, your husband. I know that I just could not believe it of my husband! So in your situation I too wouldn't see the red flags for fighting to keep my marriage together. You are absolutely not a fool, you saw through his devious attempt to make you the bad guy! You fought for your relationship from the start, you fought so that your daughters wouldn't face a similar childhood to the one your dbh(devious b*stard husband) apparently despised his father for. The only fool here is your dbh and I hope karma gets him big style!

My heart goes out to you. Please don't feel a fool, I would trust my husband in exactly the same way. He's the one that broke your vows, so for the next few days at least you need to take control and do what you think is best for you and your girls.
Once the dust settles and it doesn't feel so raw, you might be able to start organising your thoughts. So glad you're not alone tonight

We left the house while he went back to get his stuff so both girls are having a later night tonight. DD1 just saw the playground and said "I want to go there another day with Mummy, Daddy and (DD2's name)". It makes me really sad that we'll never do anything the 4 of us again.

Oh, and to answer Peaches. I found a receipt on the floor for a time when he should have been at work for two adults to an attraction local to his work. I phoned him and asked what the fuck it was and he said he was there with someone else. I asked who and he said someone he met through work, I asked if he'd slept with her, he said no, I asked if he'd kissed her, he said yes. I swore a bit and then hung up. What really pisses me off (lots of things obviously) is that he told me that very morning that he wanted to try. Presumably he meant he wanted to try to maintain two relationships.

Do you think it would be beneficial to save/print this thread to give me a timeline of events in case I need it in the future?

Don't argue with him, ignore him and carry on looking after the children, don't go anywhere. Stay at home. It's absurd you have nowhere to go and completely illogical.
Maybe he will grow up someday, in the meantime look after the children and the home and let him get on with being a giant sulky toddler.

Ah hon I'm so sorry but I am glad you found out now instead of the bastard stringing you along any further. Listen to the advice you get on here I have and honestly it has made my life better.

These women have lived these situations and as hard as it is to hear many have known from your first post just what he was at, because they have experienced it. That does not mean you have been a fool not at all he is the fool. You were being an honest human being and trusting your husband nothing wrong with that.

I hope his family do freeze him out for a bit it's the least he deserves

His Mum and Stepdad have told him he can't stay there and they don't even want to speak to him now. His sister phoned me and is really pissed off with him but more diplomatic than anyone else but that's what she's like. I think everyone is shocked.

Hi im so sorry for what has happened. You were wondering what to say to DD1. Have you looked for any kids books about parents seperating, I think there are some?

Oh my goodness - the exact same is happening to me right now - only difference is my DH has fallen for OW and doesn't want to make it work with me, just wants to keep contact with our kids. I could have written your post word for word. It's tearing me apart too, I'm not who I was. But look at all of the other inspirational women on here. Reading this made me realise how much of a Twat I have been taken for - my DH even went doctors for his "depression" then come out sayin he thinks it's "us". Men are just unbelievable. Wish I could hug you xxx

That's a good idea Sandy. I'll have a look. Thank you for the suggestion. If anyone has any recommendations please share.

OhMyName there's nothing to say he wants to make it work so I think we're probably in the same boat. When did you find out? How old are yours DCs? Feel free to PM and to post on this thread about what you're going through, this has been an enormous support for me today.

He cheated on the mother of his children while she was at home looking after them, battling PND and PTSD.

Not only that, but he was spending all this time blaming you for the way he was feeling, not giving him what he needed (but couldn't say what that was exactly), not him being carefree and single any more... because he knew he was already looking elsewhere.

What an arse and a half.

I would tell him no about seeing the children. Not tonight. It's too disruptive and he's making it all about him, when it's not. He's created this mess and lied about what has led to it, so he will just have to wait until you're ready to sort out contact.

I posted earlier. He gave me the bull shit back in October "I need space, this isn't the life I pictured" and basically everything you written in your thread. I looked at his phone bill and he had been having an emotional affair. I packed his stuff and he wanted to leave. A week later I begged for him back and he didn't want to. Near Xmas he agreed to give it another go. I then had a feeling he was out with OW one day he told me he was going to work .. I tracked his phone and he was at her house fgs. I called him out on it, he broke down and said he loves her. He felt trapped with me apparently after 10 years. My boys are 5 and 2. We also have a house together, when he left he said he will still pay and doesn't care about the house (probably because he was thinking about living with the kid free other woman). I hate hate hate men now they're vile. He came bk after Xmas as I felt desperately alone - he's still here now and I still feel alone. He makes no effort - just says he will find another job. I think I have problem - I just don't want to be on my own - meanwhile I'm having a breakdown with him here and an even bigger breakdown when he's gone. Please don't be like me, be strong. I know when you wake up in the morning it will hit you like a ton of bricks. We were also together since we were 16.

I'm sorry you're going through this OhMyName.

I expect it to hit me when I wake up in the morning. That's why I asked my mum to stay, so there's someone here when I wake up. MIL is coming over in the morning as well. It's so weird, this is the best she and I have ever got on

I remember when I found out. I was glad I found out yet it felt surreal and I felt in control. I woke up in the morning and it hit me. It's truely awful I really feel for your children but they're young still xxx

DD1 has only just gone to sleep. She never goes to sleep this late. She kept saying "I want my Daddy". I've told her he's working. He occasionally works weekends and she doesn't see him for a few days so she will accept that for now.

Look, your daughters will be fine. You will be fine. I know it's hard to believe that right now, but you will get there. Just take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Oh, and don't trust him. He was a liar before, he's a liar now.

I think it's a given that I will feel awful in the morning but is there anything I can prepare tonight to help me when I first wake up? I think I've got some lucozade, would a sugar hit help? Or just water? Or anything else? I just want to try to prepare myself to minimise the impact as much as possible.

I hope some of you will be around during the night because I'll be up for feeds with DD and I'm likely to need a hand hold.