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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Me and my husband are separating and I have no one to talk to

994 replies

iwasagirlinavillage · 18/02/2017 12:57

I've left the house - arranged, I didn't just storm out - so we can get some space today and I will go back this evening to get both DDs to bed. DD2 is breastfed but there's expressed milk for her to have while I'm out. Then after they're asleep I'll go and stay somewhere else for the night. Tomorrow I'll go back and he'll leave, then I'll be the one at home all week as I'm on Mat leave and that's as far as we've got. Supposedly it's not permanent but I could be. I'm stuck. I wanted to stay and work on it but I understand his reasoning - we can't be in the same room without arguing and it's not good for anyone. But I'm scared.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 24/02/2017 16:47

My ExH regretted it.
He got karma with gusto
By the time he realised though I had moved on and didn't want him anywhere near me.
They all believe the grass is greener.
A lot of time though, it just isn't.
Tough shit!

hellsbellsmelons · 24/02/2017 16:49

And they do it - because they can!!!
A big old stroke for their ego.

iwasagirlinavillage · 24/02/2017 17:37

I feel so sick. I had some horrible thoughts of not wanting to be here. How in the world will this ever get better? How will I ever look back at my children's first years with anything other than resentment and wonder about how much of it was a lie? How can someone destroy so much of a person without a care?

Since DD2 was born I've had suicidal thoughts, or thoughts that I wish I had died in childbirth as everyone would be so much better off without me. I really wish I had as then I wouldn't be feeling this pain.

OP posts:
OhMyNameChange · 24/02/2017 17:55

Your children need you. They need a mother figure in their life. You might be feeling down now because of that cunt but we have seen first hand on here it will get better. It's a long road ahead but you can do it.

nigelforgotthepassword · 24/02/2017 18:20

I hear you.When you've been unwell
Anyway and then something like this I it's hard to see the wood for the trees.But focus on your kids-because they need you now more than ever.And to think like that is letting him win.

iwasagirlinavillage · 24/02/2017 18:42

I can't imagine any scenario that would make me happy. I don't want him back but I don't want to go forward without him. I don't want to view such an extensive and significant period in my life as utterly tainted. I hate everything about this.

OP posts:
Spottytop1 · 24/02/2017 18:58

You need to try to separate your DDs from their Dad - that way you can look at the past few years and your DDs strength, fight and accomplishments as moments of joy and pride and not allow his selfishness to taint such good times and moments to cherish of your DDs past.

Stay strong, it hurts like hell now but it will get better, trust me x

sotiredbutworthit · 24/02/2017 19:54

I really feel for you. I have no advice but I am sending you massive, massive hugs 😘😘😘😘😘

iwasagirlinavillage · 24/02/2017 21:39

I've eaten tonight and had a good chat with my mum.

He's been tagged in a photo on Facebook out in a bar. I've text his mum telling her exactly what I think about it! I did point out that I could comment on that photo mentioning that the man on the left cheated on and left his wife and two young children yesterday but I won't do that because I'm a better person than him - I don't cheat, I don't run away when things are difficult and I am capable of thinking of someone other than myself.

OP posts:
Peaches77 · 24/02/2017 21:52

It must be very infuriating seeing that what an absolute prick. Who is he out with

iwasagirlinavillage · 24/02/2017 22:08

People from work. Apparently he is staying with one of them tonight which is why he was out for a drink (according to his mother).

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 24/02/2017 22:19

I would be careful what you text his mother from here on out. She is minimizing his behaviour, and when push comes to shove, she will side with him. He is her son. Don't give her anything to use against you or things that could be perceived that way.

I hope you get some sleep tonight, OP.

OhMyNameChange · 24/02/2017 22:32

Prick. This sounds exactly like me 3 months ago. I have no words. Xxx

Peaches77 · 24/02/2017 23:29

I hope you get some rest tonight xx

LovelyJubly111 · 24/02/2017 23:38

I agree with EweAreHere. It's great that MIL is level headed and giving you support. But if things get nasty she will most likely take his side. Just be careful.

iwasagirlinavillage · 25/02/2017 01:07

Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't text MIL.

Feeling pretty shit and both DDs are awake.

OP posts:
Underastormysky2 · 25/02/2017 06:41

Hope you managed to get back to sleep. Flowers

iwasagirlinavillage · 25/02/2017 07:01

I did but I was up for about 2 hours. DD2 keeps being awake for 2+ hours in the night. DD1 was really upset for about half an hour.

She keeps asking where Daddy is, I'm just saying he's at work.

OP posts:
therealpippi · 25/02/2017 07:27

My stbxh resented me from day one. Resented me when I worked bevause I was asking him to do his share and that bothered his important job. He resented me When I stayed at home as he wanted because I had a life of riley having coffees. He resented me When I found myself a small job around the family bevause I was around the kids.

I tried (and still bloody do) try to appease him. I am telling you, there's nothing you can do. It's not you.

I wish I'd known 10 years ago when I felt exactly like you. I've been in a lonely marriage all this time.

Cat2014 · 25/02/2017 07:47

This is the worst time. I know it doesn't feel like it now but it will get easier. Your dd is young and though she is noticing it all now and it's upsetting her, she will get used to the new status quo quickly, I promise - much quicker than an older child might. You are doing really well. Just get through the days and it will be ok. Don't expect too much of yourself

Cat2014 · 25/02/2017 07:48

Are they seeing him today op? Is someone else doing the handover for or with you?

iwasagirlinavillage · 25/02/2017 08:39

Yes he's seeing them this afternoon. I'm trying to arrange for someone to do the handover as my Dad isn't available. If not I'll have to do it myself.

OP posts:
iwasagirlinavillage · 25/02/2017 08:42

I'm starting to realise what I need to do to get through this. Just keep going. Nothing more than that. Just keep living and looking after my children. And in the times that I feel like I can't do it, remind myself that other times I feel like I can and I just have to get through it. Try not to think of the past and try not to think of the future. I just have to get through the present.

OP posts:
MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 25/02/2017 08:51

He is being unpredictable and vague about seeing the children because his priority now is his new woman. He now needs to work things around her and to signal to her that she comes first. He will make the appearance of wanting to see his children but if she makes him a better offer then he'll take it every time. Yes it all starts with making a big fuss about 50-50 contact but will quickly diminish. He couldn't even be bothered to make it round last night.

He will be minimising their role in his life to her so he appears more desirable and free. Hence bagging up the chn's things in the boot. She'll know they exist but 'out of sight, out of mind.'

Meanwhile, he will happily blame you for the fact he's not seeing them. He will claim you're making things difficult. This is his brain's way of excusing his behaviour to himself and enabling the selfishness. This self-centredness, where he makes himself the priority, is characteristic of those in the infatuation stage of their affair. However, if he is ordinarily a fairly decent person then there's a good chance he will one day look back in shame at his behaviour towards his children at this point. Which is no comfort now I know.

It's really important for you now to start unlearning all those negative things he has been putting on you recently. All the crap he's been spouting are distractions / deflections / justifications etc to excuse to himself what he is doing. He can't hold himself responsible for doing something so awful as cheating on his wife and children so instead he will need to blame something else - your relationship, you, even your children. Anything he can possibly use - however minor - will be thrown out there by him. Don't let him play with your mind. He will not be reasonable to deal with for a while. His logic and thinking is twisted. He won't see that - it sounds like his mother also doesn't see that (and she's been through what you have!) - but it's vital that you see that. Try not to question where you went wrong; you couldn't have stopped this. Try not to make excuses; it's not a mid-life crisis, PND, regret at a second baby. He's simply had his head turned.

Do NOT allow him to make you feel bad about breastfeeding your baby! You are doing what your body is designed to. You do not need to get your baby on a bottle (of expressed milk or otherwise) for HIS convenience. Breastfeeding is just one part of attending to a baby's needs. There are hundreds of ways of being close to them and building a bond. As the baby gets older she can longer without milk so it's not an obstacle to seeing her. But it is a convenient excuse for why he can't. And another ready-made reason to blame you.

And I know you said you didn't find speculation helpful so I will just say this - sleeping at the office? 😒He bloody ha. Please take everything he claims with a massive pinch of salt. His mother might buy it all but you don't need to.

Please take care and let your parents help. I know it hurts more than you ever thought possible right now but it will get better. You will be fine, your children will be fine. Good luck. 💐

nigelforgotthepassword · 25/02/2017 08:56

Exactly that's all you can do for now.
He's an insensitive twat isn't he, allowing himself to be out and about and tagged,no doubt having a 'great night' on Facebook, whilst he has left a shit storm at home and his wife to cope with his two little kids alone.

If you can't find anyone else to do the handover today op then try and keep conversation with him to a minimum-for your own sanity of nothing else.
And yes whilst hopefully you will still be able to have a relationship with your MIL she will eventually end up on his side-as we all probably would be with our own kids.

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