I am RAGING

[Iamfuckingraging]

Ladies help me, I've had an argument with dp and he has said some really really hurtful things. How do you all calm yourself down when you cannot believe what has been said??? I'm pasing, I have no wine in the fridge, my jaw is taking all the stress and tensions and I feel like its about to fall off (I unconsciously grind my teeth when angry)

How do you all woosah? For what it's worth I literally never get angry, it's takes so much to get me there and in this instance it has.

Please give me woke pointers before I rip my own hair out and pull doors off the hinges.

Also I have no children in the house so please don't worry about that.

Tyia 😠😭

Sympathy won't help his MH.

You can't fix his MH.

He is the only one who can do that.

In all fairness he has done everything he can to help himself so far, give to the doctors which he absolutely hated due to his dads death, started AP gone back and forth bio the doctors, gone to all councilling sessions and when he is in the wrong in the past he has realised and has been apologetic. Today he said he was feeling a little down and very very tired from work... I'm wondering if I'm the punchbag to it all... he started a new job recently and has grafter his butt off there.

AD*

Anyway ladies, listen, thank you all so so much for your help and taking the time to give me your advice, I'm really tired and need my bed... I'll struggle to sleep due to arguments but in going to take a sleeper and get my head down. Thank you all so so so much again... I'll update tomorrow. Again thank you all and goodnight ❤❤❤

Goodnight.

Have a peaceful sleep.

Why have you run yourself ragged trying to fix his mental health?
You say you thought he was better but it was only 2 weeks, and now he's back to normal. So do you want this forever?

What would he do if you had kids in the car?

You know that threatening to smash the car while you are in it or not is not on, right?

Do not have children with this man. Get rid while you can as these threats are very serious and he has no justification for them.

Can you really live like this for the rest of your life? What about your work? Do you have a job? Would you like a job? What if you want to go out in the evening with a friend? What if you run out of bread and really fancy a sandwich?

What if you have a baby and the baby is teething and in pain and needs calpol at night?

One final thing - if he was a nice person who loved you with mental health issues then he would do everything in his power to try and limit the impact on you.

If you wanted a sandwich and he was too scared to let you go alone then he would always always go with you. He wouldn't see you go without because of his issues.

On the other hand if he is a nasty fucker who has mental health issues then he would.... Well actually you know exactly what he would do. Because he does it.

💐

I know you love him & I know you'd worry about him, but I think for both of your sakes you need to separate. He is damaging your mental health & using you as a crutch not to be responsible for his mental health.

This is no life for you and you cannot fix him 💐

Gallavich I have no idea why I have run myself ragged, I have a people pleasing personality, an enabler, all them dangerous traits so that's probably why 😐

I don't have children no thank the lord, no it isn't right it's disgusting! What he says and what he does are two different things though...

Mumoftwoyoungkids he only ever says he doesn't go when he's angry. He said the same last night we went to the supermarket.

Didn't have a very good sleep last night, I'm very confused 😢 we still aren't talking, I slept on the sofa because I didn't want to be anywhere near him... why do am I still getting the feeling I'm in the wrong here? I'm floating about the house in severe anxiety, my jaw is tense and I now have the runs, I seem to get very ill during the time when we are not talking. I'm not going in to talk to him because I ALWAYS do and if he loved me like he says he does he would come in to fix. Difficult thing is I'm not sure he sees the error of his ways, he shouldn't be making it so hard for me to help a friend? Well I say friend it's actually my SIL 👊

How do you all get on with your day during an argument? My head is so fuzzed, I feel sick, my jaw is killing, my tummy is upside down and what's worse is I have a bloody locksmith arriving this morning 😩 I'm not in the mood for no one 👎

YOU ask why you still feel it's your fault but you already answered the question. Nothing will change if you stay as you are.

I'd throw him out. But that's me.

No it isn't my fault, I don't know what I'm on about 😖 I know Gallavich I know 😢

I am going to do my best to get on with my day as usual and just avoid the c*nt and when we have a serious chat I will be giving him an ultimatum of if they shit happens again I'm well off down the road, I can't live like this! No one should!

he told me I was in the wrong for not being sympathetic towards his anxietys :/

In that case he's in the wrong for not being sympathetic towards your empathy for others!

You're probably right about him taking his transition into his new job out on you - as well as counselling he needs to find a way to manage his stress

You said his increase in ADs was an improvement and now it's flipped - is he still taking them? When stressed/anxious is it likely this would slip?

ChishandFips33 basically this is what is was... I may need to take (dogs name) to a care centre, now I'm not sure if he said will I be left on my own? Or are you leaving me alone? But the way it was said was said with an attitude... as soon as he said it in my mind I thought oh here we go again, because I'm not helping you (dp) it's turned around and made about you (dp) so my response was something like.... why can you not stand to be on your own? Do you not like your own company? Something along them lines... I may of sounded harsh because I thought oh here we go again selfish self centered ness.... I told him if he worded it differently, I didn't sound so demanding and attitudy the first time round it could of been different, he had just woken up from a nap and I thought wow mood on you! But I'm not a punchbag and I won't take it.

Yes as far as I am aware he is still taking them.

Yes I said to him if it matters to me it should matter to you, we support one another. My god the amount of times I've supported him in something I couldn't give a crap about just because that's what partners do! Obviously I don't let on I don't care.

Also because he did say to me he was feeling a bit low (afternoon) I am wondering if he has fell off the wagon a little bit, he has been amazing over the past couple of weeks. Truly a different man, but last night just saw the old side to him again 👎

I divorced after 19 years. My ex was in my view (not his) depressed and he would not seek any help and it all came out against the children and me. Best thing I ever did. Whilst we all marry (or in your case live together as I think you aren't married - massive difference financially if you do split by the way if you aren't married) hoping to support the other in sickness and health some of these conditions, mental illness etc can be so dreadful that it's the right thing particularly for your own sanity and children that you part.

Sorry I haven't read the thread - does he drink ( fell off wagon)?

I would certainly not rush to any decisions as plenty of couples work these things out.

Lots of us when we are tired and have had a bad day take things out on others. In fact in my house if one of the 3 boys seems in a difficult mood it just about always comes down to something really basic like they haven't had their dinner yet rather than the minor thing they are complaining about. It can be hard to separate what is being said from the real cause.

There was a short story by Fleming - The Quantum of Solace which said in every marriage there comes a point when the amount (quantum) of solace - what you get out of it - becomes so low or reaches zero that at that point people walk away and that seems true to me. The question for everyone is when do you reach that zero point when on balance most of what you get from the relationship is negative, not positive.

You suffer from chronic pain, yet ended up sleeping on the sofa in your home?

Just get rid of him. Seriously.
He's an arsehole.
Being sympathetic to someone's MH issues doesn't extend to letting them abuse you.

For the jaw... I read that it's really hard to hold tension in your jaw when you're singing, so get some loud music on - preferably some upbeat anthems about cutting cunts out of your life!

Ok I went in to talk... basically long story short got called a stupid fucking dick head, I said I'm not your crutch and it doesn't give you a reason to use your MH issues to abuse me, his response was your not my anything, I went silent... I'm typing this after he said that

Ellisandra I think I am going to leave

EnormousTiger thank you for your input lovely 💞 no he isn't a drinker