I am RAGING

[Iamfuckingraging]

Ladies help me, I've had an argument with dp and he has said some really really hurtful things. How do you all calm yourself down when you cannot believe what has been said??? I'm pasing, I have no wine in the fridge, my jaw is taking all the stress and tensions and I feel like its about to fall off (I unconsciously grind my teeth when angry)

How do you all woosah? For what it's worth I literally never get angry, it's takes so much to get me there and in this instance it has.

Please give me woke pointers before I rip my own hair out and pull doors off the hinges.

Also I have no children in the house so please don't worry about that.

Tyia 😠😭

Surprised nobody else has said cleaning! I clean like a demon when i'm furious!

He sounds far too much like hard work to me. I'd be telling him to sling his hook.

I don't understand why you can't drive off?

He needs to go. You can't be dealing with this for decades to come, it'll wear you down. Ami right that it's your house? That makes it easier, get him to leave. You're not responsible for another adult's mental health.

I'd find myself purposely going places without him every day. "Sorry hun, got my period just popping out to get some sanis" *shuts door before they've even said anything"

I am horrible

SmileEachDay his dad used to drive off and leave him with his mother she was extremely EA'ive and apparently me driving off triggers something within him not very nice... I know this to be true because when we have spoken about it so many times in the past his palms start to sweat, he start to breath heavier, just general anxiety about the whole subject... also what bothers me is I drop him at work every morning and he does fine... I confronted him about this tonight and he tried to turn it around on me and ask me a question instead 🤔

Yes it's my house, I just can't leave and I don't know why...😭

If I was to drive off I've been threatened with I'll stand behind the car and smash the car up etc

LexieLulu if I'd of don't this in the beginning and not been a stupid fucking enabler and had higher stronger boundaries I reckon it wouldn't even be an issue

Made a rod for my own back to be fair

Well his mother may have been EA, but he is emotionally abusing you - can you not see that?

His anxiety/ptsd/ whatever is not your fault.

It's not ok for him to demand you stop a perfectly normal thing to accommodate him.

You should read the book by Lundy Bancroft called Why Does He Do That. Yes, many men who act in abusive and controlling ways have mental health difficulties but it is not a reason to behave in abusive ways. Most people with MH problems don't use that as a reason to berate their partners.

I recommend this book because it specifically talks about this kind of behaviour with regards to therapy and mental health and you feeling like you need to support them. In fact it's not your job and you might be too close. It also tells you what to expect from somebody who is changing for real, and someone who is using the therapy etc as a bargaining chip.

I appreciate he's struggling. I just wonder if it would be easier for you to support him if you weren't so close, and/or whether it's beneficial you're helping him like this at all. Sometimes when a relationship has controlling and abusive behaviours entrenched it's very hard for the aggressor to change, even if they make positive changes in general, they can easily slip back into old patterns when something triggers it. It can end up being too difficult, unfortunately, and a fresh start is better for everyone in that situation.

Yes I certainly can see that... I noticed it a long long time ago. I gave him an ultimatum, get help or I'm off, he got help (recently started councilling)

I know smileeachday, it's absolutely ridiculous isn't it. Just to put it out there I am not in the wrong am I?

you sound properly fed up with it all.

Do you love him and want to be with him, or just don't know how to get rid?

In the wrong? What do you think you are in the wrong about?

BertieBotts that's hard to read I'll be honest... I'll definitely 100% give it a read I promise.

Yes he has slipped back enormously tonight 😭 I was just starting to fully grow to him again, starting to be truly happy again 😩

You are absolutely not in the wrong here no.

It all sounds a bit shit.

Have some

Wow he sounds terrible.

The way he's using his mental health issues against you is not on.

It's not an excuse and it doesn't make his desire to control you ok.

I really am fed up with it... I can't leave the house on my own (in the car) when he finishes work so I have to try and get things done whilst he is at work (he says this is my time 😑😂) and today I didn't have time to do an errand, I said we need to go x y and z later ( after work ) his response was you could of done that today! I said who the f are you to tell me what I could of done today! Your applying mental pressure again!!! I've tried everything to keep this relationship, believe me I've given up and sacrificed my own well being to help him get better but it's hitting me that no matter what I do nothing helps... tonight has made me realise this is out of my control... I love him so so so so much as well it kills me!

I have no idea... he told me I was in the wrong for not being sympathetic towards his anxietys :/

I'm glad you don't have kids, it gives you time.

I know the pain of knowing that you can see "the real him" inside and just wanting that to come out and it be lovely... sometimes you have to understand where your limits are, and understand that not everyone can be helped.

FWIW, no, stronger boundaries from you at the start would not have prevented this from happening or escalating. It doesn't work like that I'm afraid.

I've had a bit of wine but It's given me headache 👎😄

It seems to me when I offer to help someone else he always kicks up a fuss because he starts to feel second best 😯

Please dont have children w him 😱

He moved miles to be with me, just 2 weeks ago got a really good full time job here... thought we was past all this 😖

Eminado that is also starting to become apparent as well 😵 I'm so gutted, honestly. It's the devastation of his words and behavior that cuts me like a knife