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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am RAGING

175 replies

Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 20:30

Ladies help me, I've had an argument with dp and he has said some really really hurtful things. How do you all calm yourself down when you cannot believe what has been said??? I'm pasing, I have no wine in the fridge, my jaw is taking all the stress and tensions and I feel like its about to fall off (I unconsciously grind my teeth when angry)

How do you all woosah? For what it's worth I literally never get angry, it's takes so much to get me there and in this instance it has.

Please give me woke pointers before I rip my own hair out and pull doors off the hinges.

Also I have no children in the house so please don't worry about that.

Tyia 😠😭

OP posts:
ThreeFish · 17/02/2017 21:12

Ah beaten to it. Was just going to say flight or fight. A run or brisk walk at a push will calm you down.

Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:13

ok ladies apologies for any spelling mistakes, im on my laptop now and dont have auto correct :/

i cant go for a run as i suffer with chronic pain but thank you for the suggestions Flowers

OH suffers with abandonment issues.

tonight he asked if i may have to drive my friends dog to a care centre, i said yes if it comes down to it yes i want to help, his response was oh so am i going to be left on my own? my initial reaction was eh? have i ever left you on your own? it escalated from that basically, i explained he is only ever happy if im helping him, and if i do have to help someone else he MAKES it about him! so from there we both blew up. I had to leave to go supermarket and he said he wasnt going to come (i cant drive off, but can drive off when i drop him at work every morning?) Hmm anyway long stort short he said to me you promised you wouldnt have anything to do with that dog and i said no i didnt! he is making me chose between him and helping an animal, unfortunatly im the type of person to chose the animal ANYDAY! how dare he try and make me chose the controlling fuck! he slammed the car door with force and the garden gate (its my house) so i was also annoyed with that.

OP posts:
wishparry · 17/02/2017 21:14

Ooh smile each day-voodoo doll.I like your style Wink

ohtheholidays · 17/02/2017 21:14

This will make me sound unhinged,so sssh don't tell anyone Wink

I go and have a pretend fight,well over the top flying fists and kicks like the moves in power rangers.

If there's a mirror in the room it's all the better because I end up laughing at what a Nut I look.

Not done that for a few years,I may reccomend it to my poor DH for when one of our DC are trying to drive him round the twist.

Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:16

oh and he also threatened to end the relationship because im apparently unsympathetic to his anxiety... (controlling behaviour more like)

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 17/02/2017 21:18

Erm, is he actually a toddler?

LexieLulu · 17/02/2017 21:18

Jesus! I am shocked that he's treating you so badly for trying to help a friend in need

ADishBestEatenCold · 17/02/2017 21:19

"oh and he also threatened to end the relationship"

Let him?

Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:19

It seems to me when I offer to help someone else he always kicks up a fuss because he starts to feel second best 😯

OP posts:
LexieLulu · 17/02/2017 21:19

Are you ok? Do you live together or can you put the lock on the door and ignore him for a few hours (years)

Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:20

Told him to end it then... I said your a disgusting man asking me to chose between you and an animal! It's not even about my friend to be honest, it's about the animals welfare!

OP posts:
happypoobum · 17/02/2017 21:20

Christ what do you get out of this relationship?

Mottlemoth · 17/02/2017 21:21

He sounds like a dick. Does he has any redeeming qualities?

Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:21

We do live together... yes I know he has controlling tendencies which he is counciling for at the moment, he turned into a different man over the past 2 weeks (started a new job, also started a higher MG of AD) and he became marvelous! Fucking went right back tonight... proper back to his old self! 😠👊👊

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:23

Believe it or not I've been going through a really bad patch at the moment and he was wo helpful... so attentive to my needs, he does cherish me and love me a lot but when we get into an argument... I'm like you really want out because we had an argument? Surely the relationship means more to you than that? Something tells me he uses the " I want out" as some kind of punishment/control... I'm not fucking stupid 😂

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 17/02/2017 21:24

Sorry I cross posted with you OP,his behaviour isn't on and he must know that.

It's really kind of you to help your friend out with the Dog.

Honestly I'd ignore him and let him make the first move,if he's usually trying to dictate what you do or who you spend time with then you'll know yourself that it's not good.

Hope you and your Mum enjoy the wine.

BertieBotts · 17/02/2017 21:25

What a ridiculous whining arse!

He doesn't want to be left on his own? Confused You're not allowed to pay attention to other people without him getting all sulky? Confused

He might have anxiety but that doesn't mean your life has to revolve around him. I know lots of people with anxiety who don't control and manipulate their partners while using it as an excuse. If I'm being generous, he needs to get his anxiety under better control. If I'm being ungenerous, he needs to pull his head out of his arse and stop using it as an excuse. Extra ungenerous: If it's even real.

OP I think your controlling diagnosis is the most accurate here!

MorrisZapp · 17/02/2017 21:26

This sounds bloody awful. Are you dependent on him financially or something?

Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:27

So I'm not out of order ontheholidays? Apparently I am because I was insensitive to his "am I going to be left on my own" remark... his anxietys which I know they are fair enough... but when he said it he said it like a dig and I flipped I went hold on! Your the one requesting something from me don't talk to me like I owe you it!

Thank you lovely ❤

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 17/02/2017 21:28

Is this unusual behaviour?

His mental health difficulties don't give him permission to treat you like shit.

LexieLulu · 17/02/2017 21:28

Oh that's really poop that you live together! Can't even escape him!! If you ever asked him to leave would he have somewhere to go? Just in case an argument does lead to saying "go on then eff off"

Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:29

BertieBotts that's why I said! I said don't you dare use that against me! Tried to emotional manipulate me he can f right off! I'm the nasty one apparently because I want do as he pleases... yes sir no sir three bags full sir... yeah right... swivel mate... and it's because I took that attitude is the reason we are here now... couldn't get his own way the immature prat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:31

Morris no I'm not, trust me I always have my own money...

No I can't escape him 😩 what's worse is he uses the car AGAINST ME! right I'm not coming then (so I can't go) hold on... don't try and punish me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:32

No he wouldn't have somewhere to go, apart from his friends 50 odd miles away

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamfuckingraging · 17/02/2017 21:33

No it isn't unusual behavior SmileEachDay

OP posts:
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