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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp moody cos I can't have sex for 6 weeks

338 replies

Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 12:30

I've just had treatment for cervical cancer so I can't have sex for 6 weeks, he knew this right from the start, we are now in week 2 and he's moody, tense and there's an atmosphere. There's also a lot of other things going on, my dad has just died and his ex is causing trouble his dd wants to live with her mum, all adding to the pressure. I just feel really down with it all and I needed somewhere to moan

OP posts:
Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 23:27

I'm just worrying more now about the results, what if it hasn't all gone and I need more treatment? What if it's spread and I have to have a hysterectomy?

OP posts:
Hissy · 12/02/2017 23:28

Op, I've been here a long time, I genuinely can't think of a thread that has made me feel so physically ill as yours has. Ever.

Your dp is anything but dear or a partner. He's revolting.

I'm feeling sick and faint at the very thought of you having to have sec with a cancer treatment wound still open.

I feel sick to my very core at the idea of giving that prick a blowjob. Or even lying next to him.

He seriously needs to go. Cut him out of your life, please. He's worthless.

venusinscorpio · 12/02/2017 23:35

An abusive partner of mine when I came back from a long overseas journey (yes, he tried to stop me going at all but on that occasion I stood up to him) and I wanted to stay at my parents house as I was so tired and my dad had picked me up. Boyfriend was invited too. But he insisted we went home, then had pressured me non stop for sex. I had to give him a hand job before he would let me sleep. I had been awake for nearly 48 hours.

It's abuse OP. Nice men don't pressure their partners for sex when they are in pain, sad, grieving, ill or tired.

pudding21 · 12/02/2017 23:36

I've literally just left my relationship. Years of EA. I had the coil put in 18 months ago because I knew there could be no more children in this relationship. Ever since I've had bits of thrush. He insinuated it was a way of avoiding sex, he questioned me. I hated telling him I was sore ( probably way too much info!).....but this is one behaviour I know is wrong. You've just lost your dad, you're in treatment for the same disease that you're father died from. You're worried about yourself( quite rightly so) and the ONE person who should understand even s portion of that doesn't. I know you're scared, I know you feel you've got nowhere to turn. I know you want a magic wand to ease the kid do you can grieve and be loved. But you ARE better than this. Look into practical ways you can extract yourself and go. You're a survivor, no go survive!

pudding21 · 12/02/2017 23:36

Now go survive that meant to say Flowers

venusinscorpio · 12/02/2017 23:37

I hope the treatment has worked and you can now recover at your own pace. Flowers

southall · 12/02/2017 23:38

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venusinscorpio · 12/02/2017 23:40

Why the fuck should she do either of those things? She's having treatment for cancer and has just lost her dad to the same illness Hmm

HateSummer · 12/02/2017 23:40

Southall is a stupid troll, ignore it.

YouHadMeAtCake · 12/02/2017 23:42

Odfo South this is a really serious matter for Op so go be a GF elsewhere.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 23:59

Southall u sound like him, it won't take long , yep that's what he said

OP posts:
southall · 13/02/2017 00:01

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Original poster
Rizzo03 · 13/02/2017 00:06

If I wanted to yes, but your comment 'it won't take long' insinuates I have an obligation to. 🙄

OP posts:
badabing36 · 13/02/2017 00:06

I really hope everything is going to be alright with you op. Just try and take some time for yourself and concentrate on getting better. Do you have anyone else to talk to in rl? Someone more helpful than your'd'p?

Your partner is not helping, I know the last thing you need on your plate is a break up but you really shouldn't be spending your precious energy worrying about his cock.

angieloumc · 13/02/2017 06:42

southall are you a man? Because I can't see any woman suggesting that. Mind you, nor any decent man. Seriously!

velocitygir1 · 13/02/2017 06:58

Op I am raging on your behalf. No man would be a complete knob jockey like this 'man' is being. In all honesty I'm going to throw my first LTB out there too! He is a complete cretin and you would be better off without him.
My husband (Boyf at the time) couldn't have sex with me for a year (massive womb prolapse then hysterectomy) and didn't complain once...he was supportive and caring and bashed one out with out pestering me.

You need to look after yourself and heal in many ways before you think about sex again...and if I was you it wouldn't be with this twat.

Thinkingofausername1 · 13/02/2017 07:48

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Honestly, I agree with another op about telling your dp to fuck off and give him a reality check. 6 weeks without sex is nothing to what could have happened if It hadn't been picked up Flowers

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 07:56

southall the issues run deeper than sex. Her partner is abusive and controlling, why does his sexual urges come before op well being and health. Yes he can go in the bathroom and give himself a hand job if he's that desparate. Op is not feeling well, she is bleeding heavily and us receiving cancer treatment, so understandably us very tired and not well, add to that she has lost her dad. Any decent partner worth their salt would never ever do what this man is doing. He sounds primeval in his behaviour, lacks any empathy and love op. The fact my partner is very sick, woukd put me right off sex as I would be totally focuses on her needs and looking after her, so sex woukd be the last thing in my mind.

southall · 13/02/2017 08:14

I think i misunderstood, i thought the OP wasn't totally against the idea of having sex, based on previous post where OPs mentioned condoms as a possibility.

But after just reading her last post especially this bit about a previous time:

"I was actually still hurting after the 6 weeks and he could tell but still carried on"

I totally agree with what you are saying.

buzzmoon · 13/02/2017 08:14

op I am absolutely furious on your behalf and also feel ill reading this.
I can't imagine what you are going through Flowers I'm sure that everything went well and it won't have spread, just concentrate on looking after yourself. You don't need the added stress of an absolute cunt of a man.
Well done for telling him how you feel, but I don't believe what he said considering his history so please don't make him guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do even 6 months after your procedure let alone 6 weeks.

I hope you can LTB, no one deserves to be treated like this

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 08:18

Rizzo the only thing he cares about is himself! Your there to service him, In the past he has been abusive to you, like southall has mentioned, he knew you were hurting, yet diden't care and carried on. Not a nice man, but really a sexual deviant by the sounds of it.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 08:22

Thinking back a few years now, I was ill with something completely different and it went on for a couple of months it was awful but again I remember feeling dizzy and sick this one particular night I was also crying a lot at the time, he said he needed sex so we did but I felt so sick, I'll never forget it cos I just wanted it over with. He forced me to go to his Xmas do one evening even though I was really ill, I put myself through so much those few months now I think back, sometimes he was really caring, other times he completely lacked empathy

He has a habit of getting his own way, forcing op to have sex or do as he wants, despite health and well being. Not a loving, respectful and supportive man.

MrsKoala · 13/02/2017 08:26

I think I just about coped with the health care professionals telling me I should have sex when I was in pain, but if it was my dh it would have broken my heart.

(To the pp I also had 3rd degree tear and a terrible labour, double incontinence etc and so many people said 'poor dh' afterwards it was totally weird. Dh was having none of it tho.)

Juveniledelinquent · 13/02/2017 08:31

It's so lovely to hear the good stories about the men who care. I'm sure they are in the majority as in life generally we tend to only hear about the bad ones. After all, if you have a good 'un you don't need advice.

I'm appalled by the behaviour of the OP's partner.

Larainette · 13/02/2017 08:41

I'm so glad your DH was supportive MrsK otherwise all those people saying that could have really messed with your head.