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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp moody cos I can't have sex for 6 weeks

338 replies

Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 12:30

I've just had treatment for cervical cancer so I can't have sex for 6 weeks, he knew this right from the start, we are now in week 2 and he's moody, tense and there's an atmosphere. There's also a lot of other things going on, my dad has just died and his ex is causing trouble his dd wants to live with her mum, all adding to the pressure. I just feel really down with it all and I needed somewhere to moan

OP posts:
scootinFun · 12/02/2017 19:18

This is horrific. No, just no. I can't think of any man I know who would pressure their partner like this. And the attitude destroys any tendency you feel towards 'helping out'. Hope you manage to communicate how disappointed you are in him.

Lweji · 12/02/2017 19:24

Do you want to put up with this for another 4 weeks?
What if he persists? What's your bottom line?

F1GI · 12/02/2017 19:24

Op when me and dh had our first baby I had an episiotomy which was stitched up. it healed quickly and easily and I told dh this. He, however, was absolutely terrified of hurting me/ripping the cut and insisted that I had the postnatal check with the doctor before having sex. Your partner isn't thinking of you. He doesn't deserve to be your partner.

Naicehamshop · 12/02/2017 19:25

Have you told him how you feel op?

If not, really tell him. Don't hold back - let him know that you are sickened by his selfishness. Angry

FellOutOfBed2wice · 12/02/2017 20:10

I'd be telling him that he will certainly be getting a shag this evening, OP, because he would be going and fucking himself. What a selfish, disrespectful, terrible fucking human being. Leave this man. He's worse than a dog.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 20:13

I have told him tonight how he's making me feel, he did apologise and said yes your health is more important. But I remember this the last time when I had the biopsy I was actually still hurting after the 6 weeks and he could tell but still carried on I think he felt guilty cos he would ask if I was ok after but that was as far as the conversation would go. So when I had the bad news I said to him you know I won't be able to have sex for some time don't u. Yes he said I know let's just get u better. But then after a few weeks he's like this again.

Thinking back a few years now, I was ill with something completely different and it went on for a couple of months it was awful but again I remember feeling dizzy and sick this one particular night I was also crying a lot at the time, he said he needed sex so we did but I felt so sick, I'll never forget it cos I just wanted it over with. He forced me to go to his Xmas do one evening even though I was really ill, I put myself through so much those few months now I think back, sometimes he was really caring, other times he completely lacked empathy. I blamed myself at the time because it went on so long. Then I got better and these issues haven't come up again until recently but I'm thinking as we get older we tend to get more things wrong with us. It's worrying really!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 20:17

He sounds awful, he's not a good partner, just tgere for the good, and not the bad. You deserve much better.

Fedupd0tcom · 12/02/2017 20:26

Firstly I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, I am sorry to hear your father passed away and that you are also facing cancer too....I can't even imagine what you're going through, hope incredibly tough. Additionally it sounds as if your dp is going through difficulties too. I would hope he is being understanding and the bad atmosphere/moodiness is due to the stresses and upsets you are both currently facing and not about the sex issue. If he is being unsupportive he needs to change that. If he has been trying to pressure you about the sex then he is an absolute moron to say the least. Sending you hugs and hope he begins to be supportive of you. If not remember you deserve better and you have every righy to tell him what a moron he is. xxxx

badabing36 · 12/02/2017 20:42

Your thread reminded me of this one:

www.mumsnet.com/.../2713225-What-a-prick-Pissed-offwith-me- because-Ive-got-my-period

You might find it helpful.

I'm sorry for all going through right now op. Hope that things get better for you soon.

Elledouble · 12/02/2017 20:53

The more you say the worse it gets, OP Sad

TheOnlyWayIsMN · 12/02/2017 21:10

My Dh waited 7 months - yes months - after the birth of our DC and never once did I feel like he was sulking about it.

HelenDenver · 12/02/2017 21:14

He is coercing you into sex.

And there is a word for that.

MrsKoala · 12/02/2017 21:23

DH and i didn't have sex for 8 months after ds1 was born as i had a lot of damage. At a 6 month check the dr asked about sex and i said we still hadn't. The dr was quite visibly irritated with me and told me as i was married i needed to have sex with my husband and be 'normal' again. She prescribed me some topical numbing cream and said if i put it on i wouldn't feel much but at least my DH could have sex (she also said i may feel sore after). I left crying and DH was fucking furious. He said he would never ever want to have sex like that as he wasn't a rapist. He had never even suggested sex once saying he was completely happy waiting for me. He made me throw the prescription in the bin.

Now we have 3 dc and the youngest is 15 weeks and guess what - yes, still no sex. Has he moaned? Has he sulked? Has he even suggested it? Nope.

All men are not like that. Your posts have made me feel sick.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 21:56

Oh god MrsK the Dr said that 😡. Those views went out on the 60s.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 22:04

Wow I can't believe a dr would say that 😲I won't tell my dp there is numbing cream available 🙄

OP posts:
HateSummer · 12/02/2017 22:09

He doesn't sound like a nice man at all. I actually can't believe a man would carry on with his wife who is in pain and discomfort. If that's his enjoyment then he's sick in the head. It's disgusting he thinks all men are like this, because they really aren't.

My dad was in a coma for months and close to dying a few years ago and sex was the last thing on my mind...It was the last thing on dh's mind too. We didn't get back into it until my dad was given the all clear and my mind was at rest and I was happy. Same thing when my dh's dad died.

I feel sorry for you op. Unfortunately a leopard doesn't change his spots even with talking.

Original poster
Rizzo03 · 12/02/2017 22:19

Yeh I'm beginning to realise that 😞

OP posts:
Fedupd0tcom · 12/02/2017 22:21

I'm sorry op...I didn't see your most recent post on the thread. Your partner sounds very inconsiderate and is being and has been v mean and disrespectful to you. You deserve way more. He needs to bugger off. How dare he! What a horrid man. You poor thing x

Fedupd0tcom · 12/02/2017 22:27

MrsK I can't bloody believe what your Dr said. That's appalling! I think medics can be v stupid about this issue. I had 3rd degree tear and 3 months later got told off for not having checked my dept was working correctly! I was like piss off. Only to be told...your poor husband. She was a woman physio too. I should've bloody punched her. My husband was also shocked when I told him what she'd said. It's ridiculous. Our health is more important and any man worth his salt would see that and if he can't he should bugger off!

HeyRoly · 12/02/2017 22:39

I had a similar experience MrsK. No sex for a very long time (entire pregnancy plus seven months postpartum due to third degree tear). At a follow up appointment after third degree tear, I told the female registrar that sex was excruciating. She examined me and when I nearly jumped off the bed with pain she looked irritated and said it was only two fingers, I shouldn't have left it so long, "your poor husband" etc Hmm

I told this to the women's health physio who said the registrar would surely think differently if she'd experienced a childbirth injury. Too fucking right Angry

Larainette · 12/02/2017 22:55

Jesus Christ, that's appalling. I can't believe trained medical professionals are telling women who are recovering from childbirth and injuries to have sex for the sake of their poor husbands! AngryShock

SomeonesRealName · 12/02/2017 23:02

Holy fuck OP I was married to a right cruel bastard crazy narcissist psychopath who stole from me, abused me and cheated on me - and even he wouldn't have behaved like this! I'm actually disgusted. This is one of the worst relationships threads I have ever read. Please end this horror show as soon as you have the strength and contact Women's Aid as soon as you can. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through right now.

Howlongtilldinner · 12/02/2017 23:23

What is it with men and sex? I remember being being unwell once,a very heavy cold,felt dreadful (nothing compared to ca) He wanted sex, he said "you don't have to do anything just lie there"...just ONE of the reasons he's an ex.

I hope you seriously look at your relationship after you've recovered OP, I couldn't live with that, nobody should.

I'm sorry for your bereavement and your medical problems, you don't need this shit..

Sherlock35 · 12/02/2017 23:25

This is also my first one (I think) but LTB.

He's pressuring you into sex when you are unwell and vulnerable emotionally and physically. He carries on, even when he knows it's hurting

Not all men are like this. The vast majority aren't. And even if they were, you shouldn't stay with them.