The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Oh gosh dieu I'm not sure if it's just me but I certainly wouldn't hold such stock on Valentine's Day this early in dating someone. If you've only had 4 dates it shouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker, especially as he's away on business. He probably doesn't even know it's tomorrow and is focused on his job so I do think ending it based on that may be a little harsh/unrealistic but of course I respect what you're saying about lack of effort and all but it's one day, and not highly regarded by most of the men I know..Hope that doesn't sound rude, just putting my thoughts across

This thread is moving very quickly.

So have decided to bin off Mr Nurse, he's playing some kind of game or something, but I wouldn't give George Clooney this many chances. I text last night and asked him if wanted to do something this week, he said yes. So text today and asked which day, as he works nights. He text back saying next week would be easier. So I've walked away.

In the meantime, I've been chatting to some guys on Tinder. One French guy only here on holiday visiting family for a week, usually lives in UK. We're going out for a coffee this week, because I like making new friends and meeting people and he's the same.

One guy who lives out of the area was passing through on Wednesday on business, he was going to drive over to me to take me out to dinner, but I have to teach on Wednesday night. So we've arranged to meet on 8th March and will continue to chat in the meantime.

And my potential FWB is currently in Paris on business but will be back tomorrow and we'll meet up later in the week.

A fireman who works near my office started chatting earlier and he seems okay.

I just refuse to stay at home bored, I enjoy meeting new people and if anything my French is improving from all this chit chat.

Last I totally get what you're saying. It's not that I'm making it all about St Val's Day, but just that I would expect some kind of gesture, at least to put forward a day for another date. He messed up last time, so up to him this time.
He's in retail, so there will be absolutely no escaping the day for him! And in this day and age, it would take seconds to order a card on Moonpig.
It's all about effort. I've made it for him, and expect the same back.
If I'm getting ready to walk away anyway, then tomorrow would seem as good a time as any to do it.
He needs to give me something to work with here, or else I'm just clutching at straws.
Throwing me the crumbs from his table with never be enough for Dieu, no siree!

will never be enough. Gaaah.

Brittanyfairies what's the crack with the French? You seem to have a lot to do with France.

I dated a girl from Paris for 18 months. I did night classes and stuff and really like France/French.

Hello - can I join?

I set up on POF on Saturday and got an immediate rash of messages all saying "hi" and "how's you?" (loath that expression). One said "hello again".

I ignored them all because - well....is that IT? Hello Again guy messaged again saying "Hello again, are we talking?" which was odd enough for me to say "sorry, why did you say hello again, do you think you know me?" and said he had seen me around the site and how long had I been a member, and I said I joined about two minutes before he messaged me. He replied "shall I give up then?" - I think my silent 'yes' was heard across the county.

Anyway, I changed my settings to a min 50 character first message. So, I'll see how that goes.

I have had a message tonight that actually referred to something in my profile, so that's nice.

I am 48 and I seem to be at the age where everyone I might date looks like my dad. It's a bit miserable. I have done OLD before and found it fairly soul destroying, but it was years ago and it has moved on apace since then.

:)

He really does sound lovely Bernie and I'm sure he'll be just as keen when he sees you minus make up and with bed hair. I look like a badgers backside in the morning and yet Mr31 thinks I look rather fanciable

OutToGetYou Welcome! I am older than you. Patience is required in on-line dating

Evening.

Well, I chatted on the phone to my only iron, I'm meant to meet her one evening this week.

I can't do more than one iron at a time, really. I like to have an in depth conversation and chat frequently, and that can be confusing with many irons. So, just the one, we'll see how that works out, and move on, or not.

However. She was bloody lovely on the phone. Nice accent, funny, laughed at my stupid comments, open, honest, made some stupid comments of her own.

Yeah. I was grinning. I don't do phone calls before a date very often. I don't think I've ever had one that felt so smittening.

(I'm aware this is not a word)

Alright. Rules 3 and 4.

Ahem. As you were

Bant : Wow that sounds great. Does your new iron have a "name"?

info I live in France so there's a few French blokes kicking about. If there are any English guys they're about the same age as my dad.

Well I had second date last night. Was not sure if I was attracted to him after our first date but he is a nice guy so thought second date would be worth it. However I realised I don't fancy him at all and the saying bye was a bit awkward as he was obviously wanting a kiss. He said he will call me later, but i think I need to pre emp with a text, but feel mean on valentines day saying no spark etc.
Why do the one's I like not like me and vice versa! So annoying!!
I realise I have to play the long game here and try to meet as many potentials as possible and hope Mr right shows up eventually but it is annoying - I have very limited child free time so not sure I should be spending it with friends instead of with randoms on first and second dates! But do want to meet someone so think is the only way.

Ah yes living in France would explain the French guys being around ha ha :)

Bant, that sounds fantastic. Please keep us posted on how this one proceeds!!

Plenty, just send a text saying 'thank you for last night, I had a lovely time but I feel we could only ever be friends' or something along those lines, you probably won't hear from him again .

Happy Valentine's Day everyone, I'm waiting for the postman to deliver my sack of cards and gifts , ok, I'm not expecting anything but hey who cares.

Happy Valentine's Day!
I was most surprised and a little bit chuffed to get a message from CBG this morning saying Happy Valentines and wishing me a lovely day. I thought after only meeting for the first time Friday it was a hard call and personally wouldn't have mentioned it this early on but thought that was a nice balance from him.
Hope you lovely lot get the romance you deserve and are looking for today in whatever form suitable for you personally!

bant was most excited by your last post. We need deets. Iron name etc!

Bant Exciting! What are you going to do for your date?

Plenty Well done for giving it a chance. Good advice from LoveMusic I think.

I'm still adding to my match list on Tinder but hardly getting any messages. Have had a bit of a loss of confidence.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone - I hope you all have a great day, whether romantic or otherwise.
Brittany - good to read you are back out there enjoying yourself. Your future meets all sound brilliant.
Dieu - I know the feeling of being back at square 1 and the associated heart sinking feeling, I've been there many many many times!
Outto - I'm 46 and I know the feeling of seeing lots of people that look like my Dad, but stick at, there are a few out there, it just takes time, luck and work to find them.
Mrsfluff - "badgers arse" - made me laugh!
Bant - I don't think I've heard you sound so positive about a potential date before - keep us updated
Have a good day everyone x

Well my potential Mr Right is driving 50 miles just to see me for an hour as I'm working 😀 it's looking good

It'll just be drinks, I'm driving over to near her. She's about an hour away.

At least I know we can carry a conversation. No point planning a meal in case the chemistry isn't there.

I haven't thought of a name for her yet. It feels like jinxing it.

I'm focusing on rules 3 and 4 at the moment. Ho hum.

Yay! Traumadoll - have a great time

I've just seen a post on another thread (you can tell I love my job!!) which mentioned love bombing. I know what this means when it refers to cults, but how does this happen in dating? Are there any examples of it that I should know about? (not that I'm paranoid/looking for problems )

outto I'm 49 so I know how you feel about all the guys looking like my dad. I had coffee with one who was great. Really interesting and loaded. But dressed exactly like my dad!
Bant sounds great. Hope it goes well.
Trauma I've had a 1hr date. It's great. Hopefully it will go well and you'll be keen to see each other again

Bernie I posted in the love bombing thread too. Within OLD and very new relationship I even question if the term is used properly as it is ON and then OFF so quickly, with one party going for it as a means to an end and the other OI. Hard to tell where the responsibility falls, imo

hope that makes sense

and, of course
Happy Valentine Day to all

I've sent DC to friends and off to get my nails done
hope to get my lovely lady pampering me as I don't have an app, and I bet today she ll be busier than an usual tuesday

no irons in my fire
I had a look at o k stupid last couple of nights but feel no motivation whatsoever
need a kick up my butts ! help

In anticipation of there being no romantic gesture from Mr T today, please can anyone tell me which free dating site is best: OkCupid or POF? Or any other recommendations?

I can't do Tinder and other 'app' based sites, as my current phone is a brick. So I'm limited to the MacBook at home.

I used to be on Match, until my membership recently ran out, and although it wasn't a bad experience, I can't really justify the £20 per month.

Thanks, and hope you all have a lovely day, however you're spending it

dieu I tried both POF and OKC. I prefer POF. Not sure why really except that with OKC I got loads of messages from guys miles away. A lot in America.
With POF I feel like I have more control over settings like distance. But I like the questions on OKC. They can reveal quite a bit about someone that doesn't come across on a general profile.
Why not try both?