The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

What does rule 10 actually mean? Does it mean like if you're not dating, don't stick around the thread?

I think I have been off and on too long. I think when you are new to it you are more open to the possibility of others. I ended up in a 6 month relationship via match from second ever date and then in a 4 month one from the second date after the other one ended
After a while it's just more meh. And I think as you learn more about yourself and your expectations and what you like it becomes even harder to find someone.
So my recent fling with Mr football I was more attracted to than anyone previously, I was literally jumping his bones! So now have that as a kind of expectation! Mr Mr 4 month was so easy and fun to get along with that want that plus the intelligence of my Mr 6 months. Does that make sense?! Yet I am getting older and so probably less desirable myself! would love to draw a graph one axis desirability decreasing, other axis of standards increasing, and so very.little chance of the two crossing!!

No, it means people on the thread can't date other people on the thread. If you do, both of you leave.

Basically, several people approached other people on here via PM. Some people got uncomfortable. Last year or the year before, some guy was meeting up with women from here, in a couple of cases (I think) things went further.

People on here are vulnerable, and can be seen as targets to others.

I started it, because someone was coming on a bit too strong to me via PMs, and I thought it was easier to just make the rule. Whenever people have dabbled, it's led to recriminations and name calling on here (not by or to me)

I've met quite a few former thread members. I'm good friends with some, in real life. One took their kids for a holiday at my place overseas when I wasn't there, another has invited me to her wedding later this year. my kids have played with the kids of another. These virtual things have a way of leaking out into the real world, which is as it should be.

But you don't date the thread. If you do, you both have to leave. That's only fair to everyone else. No one else should be dragged into arguments about who said what to whom. It's meant to be a safe place.

Oh I'd never approach anyone, I'm not the type to slide into anyone's DMs!!

Also, I don't know where anyone lives or looks like or anything.

No danger of this from me :)

Plenty that sums it up pretty perfectly

Hi. I have missed lots of things on here as work and children as just been very busy.
I have not been on here for a week or so. I met Mr Norm two weeks ago on our 1st date. We have been seeing each other since. He said he was going to delete his profile on Oasis dating site, I have removed mine too. Over three years ago I used Match.com, however I have used Oasis (a free dayingsite) on & off for a long time now. I did try POF - but could not find my way around it.
Hope there are dates happening this weekend & that they go well.

I am off to have a long read and caych-up on this thread.

My date was good. Had a laugh. Don't know if I fancy him tho. I could see us being good friends but it takes more for me i think. He's a really nice guy tho.
We're keeping our lunch date tomorrow tho so will see if any sparks.

Really it's just the height thing....someone talk some sense into me.......

Short men make better husbands, seriously, there are studies that show it. More faithful, more attentive. Better at housework

But there is the chemistry..

SpringtimeSun how short is he?
Mr Norm is short.
Well an inch shorter than me.
I gave up on my ideal tall and handsome guy
Mr Norm is handsome and dark.
So I reckon two out of three ain't bad.

Bant where do you do your research? Sort of interested! Though I do think one marriage is more than enough for me in my lifetime!
I am very happily divorced.

He's same height as me pretty much 5'5"

If he had gone in for the kiss I would have but I was kinda rushing for the train. There wasn't really a moment.

See what tomorrow brings lol

On a side note a disappearing Iron (Joiner2) who I had a date arranged with for tomorrow reappeared tonight to see if we were still on.
After only 4 messages in 2 weeks I said no but it he steps it up a bit then I'll rain check the date lol. Let's see if he manages.
The real reason I wasn't keen is his Tinder pics are all at least 2 years old and he looks way older on his Facebook pics now. I was having a nosy, he doesn't know that I've looked.
Why do folk do that?....

love at long last MOD turned up. Well, it sounds like there is more fun still to be had there and you will see it through. You are doing fine just keeping your feet on the ground

Arkkorox looks like you are not getting on the last train back? waiting to hear how it went

SpringtimeSun I would have done the same and cancelled.
Oh the old photos...makes me think of a little crush I had on some one photo he looked ever so smart and cool, too much for me I thought.... so even if we spoke I kind of never met as I was soooo sure he was way above my league. The he disappeared till recently with a set of new photos and looked like 10 years had gone by !

SpringtimeSun enjoy your second date tomorrow.

Aintthatsomething You suggested looking at profiles of the same sex as you inn online dating sites in order to see what the competition is like. Two of my very married friends did this. We were all very drunk, they changed my profile from liking men to liking women. It was hard to suss the competition as all the women were after same sex relationships.

As a result I was "liked" by a bi-curious woman! I presume the computer search on my profile remembered I had liked women for an evening!

#sigh #backtoswiping #whydoesnobodylookliketheirphoto #Idon'tcareifit'sshallow,Iwanttall

Well after starting the week afresh with no irons I have a date for tomorrow night with mr brawn I'll call him. Think we might be physically compatible but he might be too much of a perfectionist for me, I'm more laid back.
I the have a lunch date on Sunday with mr I don't know started messaging today sounds good and I have a child free weekend so why not!

Summer some of my best dates have been with short guys. I find personally wise we're a better fit but I'm 5"7 so quite tall for a girl and would miss heals. I do have a good collection of flats now though because I'd rather date a short nice guy than a tall prick

minop at 5'0 I definitely want someone more than a few inches taller than me. And someone who doesn't fit into my jeans better than I do

I am 5"9 and don't often wear heels.
According to Mr Norm who is 5"8 he used to go.out with someone who was 5"11!
I may have to start wearing my heels again!

Lettuce Now that you mention it, I had a lovely email from a bisexual girl not long after I joined POF, that was probably due to browsing the female profiles one night then. We had a lovely chat though, about all sorts

ark Hope it was a good night!

springtime enjoy the date today

I'm meeting Mr CSI for coffee on Thursday, I acquired him when things were still up in the air with my original one. I chatted top Mr CSI on the phone and he lives a couple of doors away from a friend so don't want to cancel.

Original Iron, call him Mr Band, has invited me to an engagement party with him in a couple of weeks, and a gig he is doing in May. We have just met up once, but been talking since November. I need to try and see him this week if we can find a date we can both do. I really need some MB soon, it's been -forever- a while.......

Hello everyone - its great to read all the successful dating tales going on!

I had my second date with Mr Bonkers last night - had a pub meal (which unfortunately was a bit bleuuggh) loads of laughter, lots of snogging in the car and it was overall really really nice. BUT.....he seems way keener than me and is already talking about introducing me to his family and friends.

I think that its a bit like going out for a meal and always having the same dish - thats what I've done for the past 20+ years and now the marriage is over I want to sample lots of different dishes!

So, oh wise ones, do I a) carry on for a few weeks until I get bored or someone else comes along then hurt him by finishing it b) finish it now to minimise the hurt c) stop over analyzing, come off POF for a bit and go with the flow??

I would just stop over-thinking it and go with the flow Blobby if you learn anything on here it's that you just never know when the keenest Iron is going to ghost you like Casper.

See him again if you want to, sounds like it was a great date but there isn't anything to stop you cultivating other irons at the same time. Some would say it's healthy.

Either way....just have fun and enjoy.

Blobby I would probably just go with it as Spring suggests

I've got a date arranged with Mr Band now on Monday. I'm off to the shops to find a new top. Jam night in a pub...

Spring thanks for that - I just feel guilty with him apparently being more into me than I am into him and dont want to hurt him!

Aint jam night in a pub sounds great fun!! Remind me what instrument Mr Band plays? If its the triangle then watch out!!

Blobby like PP say, go with the flow ( A ) but set the pace to suit you. Ghosting is always just a text away, anyhow ;-)

Blobby I'd keep seeing him as you had fun but keep other irons too. I've been guilty of letting othe irons go as I liked who I was dating just to have my date disappear or turn into a weirdo. You never know what's round the corner so have fun!