The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Some of you may or may not agree with these stats: www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-39077293. Depressing

Tomorrow's lunch date has been brought forward to tonight.....waiting at the station just now.... Eek lol

Should clarify; article states heterosexual women have least orgasms. Heterosexual men, the most. Id say there's a few on this thread who could possibly turn that research on its head...

info I take your point and you're probably quite right. I wasn't complaining about the lack of sexual comments though, just commenting as it was unusual.

I had someone disappear from my Tinder match list after messaging. I assumed that they had unmatched me. They have now reappeared. Has anyone had that or have any idea why that would happen?

At the same time I have matches and messages showing as new which aren't so it seems like there has been some kind of issue with the app.

Thanks for the support guys!

Ark good luck! Just smile loads and it will be fine

And remember loo update!

Thanks miniop

I am Just so nervous. We've been talking for a few months now but I'm still totally bricking it

Ark Good luck! I had been chatting to mine a long time before meeting as it was before Christmas/really busy and I was so worried I wouldn't fancy him at all when I saw him. He looked good though, and smelt nice

Have fun, and update

Mr MOD came over, we talked a lot and all went really welling was his birthday yesterday but he didn't want to tell me because he felt guilty for missing my birthday. He explained why he had been so distantd said he has been quite stressed out, it said thank you to me for bring there even though he pushed me away. He stayed for a few hours his morning and all was good until he started talking about his ex ( the one thing that really annoys me ). When he got home he messaged me saying how he enjoyed last night and that he had missed me, he said he wants to see more of me and will try and make him self available at least twice a week and will put more effort in. I do really like him but I still feel wary and something is stopping me from falling madly in love with him, maybe it's just because I petrified of getting hurt so I am putting up barriers?

It's not surprising you're putting up barriers love as you haven't known where you stood with him for a while. I know he's had a lot on in his personal life, but it's understandable you're unsure of him at the moment. Still, doesn't sound as though you want to write him off totally just yet? I'm waiting for a bus for my first date tonight. So nervous as although I'm not sure there will be a spark, I've enjoyed messaging him and I'll be a little if that's it. Had a marmalade vodka or three for some Dutch courage

Thanks to the marmalade vodka I've just realised I can't focus on the bus timetable...

Good luck popcorn, hope it goes well xx

Something someone said earlier has rung pretty loudly with me. I never report any news about dates or anything, always just analysing the mechanics of OLD.

I'm breaking rule 8, that states if it isn't fun, stop. Well, it hasn't been fun for quite a while, I've just kept trying.

With that in mind, Monday morning I'm deleting POF. Will still see how you guys are doing in here but I think for me, online dating isn't working. If nothing else, it needs a good break.

Sometimes you gotta know when to quit :)

Yeah info, I get that.

I decided to stop my pof profile, but then in the last two days I've had several bumble matches, who all messaged me, so now I'm having multiple (slow) conversations

So who will review infos profile and give him tips? I can't be much help, obviously..

(Also remember rule 10 :)

Info Bant
Happy to take a look at your profile if you'd like me to? Long time lurker,old poster from a couple of years ago and been at OLD a couple of years too. Regular breaks from it; I've possibly been on breaks longer than I've been swiping,and seen what must be thousands of profiles by now..slightly worryingly! Completely sane and sensible

Info, sorry to hear you are stepping away from dating but think it is hard to carry on doing it indefinitely.
Today I had my 5th first date in 2 months and didn't fancy him. Am also beginning to feel like it's a waste of precious time, energy and money. The trouble with not being in the game is that in order to meet someone, it would have to be in real life. I meet limited single men, let alone attractive one's, let alone one's who are attracted to me! So online is really the only.option! I have another date on Tuesday, if that doesn't work.out I am deleting tinder, hid my.profile on pof tonight. Will try bumble.and ok cupid. If they don't work, will have another break I think.
Sometimes it pays to be off the sites for.a.while.as.you are then "new" when you unhide again.
And sometimes it's good to just focus on yourself and your own life.
The fear of being single forever haunts though!!

The benefit of being on tinder and bumble is that people don't know when you're a long-timer. Everyone is new, unless you have that glitch - I saw it too, several people I'd seen before. That does happen when you delete then recreate a profile though.

Pof, match, okc, all that lot. Yeah, it's true that people want fresh people. There is a woman in my town, she looks okay. Maybe if I'd met her in person I'd fancy her. But she's there in the same page as some more attractive profiles, so I never checked her out and messaged her. I had a couple of dates with other people, and now she's just part of the scenery. I'm not interested because she's been on there for a while. And I'm sure it's the same for her and me.

I'm okay being single. I hated it, for a while, after I split with my ex (who I met through match, and was with for a year and a half) but now..yeah I'd rather be with someone great but I'm happier being single than being with someone meh

Exactly bant. It's just so hard to find the special one's and I guess there's a lot.of meh in between, but how long to wade through the meh?!
I have an app on my phone I need.for work that takes up ridiculous amounts of storage so can only have one other app other than whatsapp! So tinder will have to go if want to try bumble or ok cupid.

So. Much. Meh.

Plenty I could have written your post. The chances of meeting someone irl are virtually nil,so online really is the only option. Yet all the men I know irl are nothing like the guys in OLD. I do think the sweetshop mentality kicks in with a lot of men online,and they're always on the lookout for something better. Married for years then suddenly able to choose from pages of available women..
The one thing I detest about OLD is that it's lowered my opinion of men generally. The ones I've encountered have been a mix; sadly the steady ones I don't have any spark with. The ones I do fancy invariably turn out to be serial sh**gers,and whilst I wise up eventually it's usually once I've been burned.
I have a great life: beautiful daughter,great family,great career and and friends,but occasionally feel the lack of something. Shouldn't be so hard..!

Bant I only use Tinder as prefer a degree of control as to who messages me,although I've used Match,OKC,Pof in the past. I've often 'matched' with men I've never seen,let alone swiped left on-and I rarely swipe left-plus see the same faces reappearing. As you say though,I presume the ones who reappear just keep restarting their accounts.

That should read swiped RIGHT!!

I've only been on it two weeks and I've ready changed my main pic twice just to make sure I'm not that wallpaper.

I think if I'd been on 6m I'd take a break for a couple of months.

I'll have a look at Info if you want to pm me. I've done loads of OLD in the past.