The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

LM33 I think Dieu's post makes a lot of sense, maybe just be kind to yourself as you have been through the mill a bit with him recently with everything that has gone on

On Sunday I had contact with an iron who had gone a bit quiet to say that he had had a couple of dates with someone else and wasn't a player and didn't want to juggle dating us both (we had talked for a few months but only managed a meet up once) but would still to stay in contact as we did get on well. I was bruised but glad he was honest.

Anyway, he has just sent a message to saying things aren't working out and he has made a mistake at the weekend but he thought he was doing the best thing at the time by being honest. I have sent him one back saying sorry things didn't work out with her, this whole OLD things is difficult but I would still like to meet again if he was up for that.

I'm now worrying that I have been too keen/too whatever and maybe should have been a bit different but can't be bothered by games arrgghhhhh. He hasn't replied yet though it was just about 10 minutes ago

I don't know whether I should have said something different...

Aint - don't second guess yourself. it was a good thing he was honest with you and in my book, that makes him worth seeing again. However - you are his second choice...so that must feel a bit crappy. I think you said the right thing - and i don't think he did the wrong thing.

I think online dating is confusing for everyone. Women think men are being deceitful and players, men think women are scheming. When in reality, although there are some that do both of those, most of us are just confused and trying to work out if we like someone, and what we want.

All you can be is honest. If you've done that, then you haven't done the wrong thing.

Men who are just looking for a shag and will pretend they're looking for something else, or women who are just looking for men to buy them a nice meal, and will pretend they're looking for something else - they exist (and I've met a few women who just want to be wined and dined) but most of us are still struggling with trying to find the right person.

Women on here go off men. Men go off women. People go through huge amounts of stuff. If someone hasn't actually lied to you, has been honest and wants to try to make a go of things, well I say to give them a chance.

Fair points on the profile picture Lovemusic. I think I need to try and get a bit of personality across in that. PS I have a short beard and ink. Not adding anything to that, just saying :)

Thanks Bant, I also think he did the right thing, I was just worried I had appeared a bit over keen, but seems to have worked We have had a message conversation and things are like they were before. Need to get the next date and try not to get OI...

One thing I find a bit scary about OLD is the fact that you have no idea who you could be letting into your life. I guess this is true for any dating.

You could message ten people, all fantastic on paper.

Luck says person 7 responds. Luck also dictates whether that is your future life partner or some absolute mentalist with major problems and shedloads of drama, bonkers ex partner etc. All scary!!

Ain't - I agree with Bant, just be honest and see where things go.

bant - I doubt I am in your age range, but I guess it depends how you have your parameters set.

Runny - he was Peterborough (where I currently live)

I have been asked on a date by a second guy. Mr'areyouasexyperson' asked me to meet but I said he wasn't my type (what with him talking like a 15 year old), new 'iron' is called MrTea and I am considering meeting him for a drink this weekend.

Can anyone explain to me what 'MB - Moose Burgers' is? I mean, I know it's sex, but why are we calling it that?

Ta

Info that is exactly what scares the bejeesus out of me.

Hi all, long time lurker. Had to post because I just got invited to a threesome! No photos, just a message that started "hi from 2 guys, do you want an adventure?". This is almost as good as the "can I poo on you" messages 😆

Need quick advice please is it OK to add somone on Facebook or would you say no?

Karma, is this from someone you've dated or a new iron? If you haven't met yet I'd say don't do it. Don't give that much of yourself away.

Dieu, I'm not sure if I really want to be with him or not, I don't feel a massive spark, just a small one, maybe I'm just being extra cacious because I'm still bruised by previous relationship which was pretty full on from the start. I'm still trying to work mr mod out and he is quite confusing. I guess tonight I was more excited about getting mooseburger than anything else. He's coming over after work so won't be here for at least half an hour, by that time I will probably be falling asleep, I have to work tomorrow so I guess I'm not that over joyed that he's coming over as I know I won't sleep that well and will struggle at work tomorrow.

Love have you considered taking a rain check on this date? You're not into it.
Re the honesty thing bant I agree... if you can arrive at a point where you can agree
1 no games
2 no games
You're looking good

outto I checked and shark man was a mutual match with me. It's his loss!

Some advice please. First date with Mr Build tomorrow. Dinner at Prezzo. A dress or smart trousers and top with heels?

runny I'd go for trousers and a top with heels. I've done the dress before on a first date and felt it looked as though I'd made too much effort. I've got a first date tonight as well, and I'll be wearing the same! Not entirely sure if there's and chemistry there but the messages have been nice. Nothing sexual at all in a weeks worth of texting - not sure whether to be offended or not!

Obvs this is a light hearted comment here but we can't win either way with that subject I don't think.

If we message anything sexual we're pervs to be avoided. If we don't then we're boring and don't seem to be interested.

Can be hard to judge.

Boobies.

My last 2 relationship have been with people who I have know for a long time as friends, around 20 years. I was worried about meeting the unknown on OLD like Info mentioned earlier and it was no better. I thought I knew them but it was only after dating that I realised that there was another side to them I wasn't aware of. Nothing sinister but it made me aware that you never really know someone and so go with your gut as to whether they are right for you or not.

Had a new Tinder match last night who I'd swiped right out of cusiosity.

Claimed to be a US Marine in Texas but was showing as 87miles away (I'm Scotland)
So we matched and be immediately messaged me. Usual catfish sounding bollocks. So I asked him if he was really in Texas? Said it didn't matter or was I just "desperate" for a boyfriend!! We could still chat....
I asked what time it was? He said it was late, he was actually in Afganistan. Still showing 87miles away tho.
So I said "well it's 5am here I'm going back to sleep, night' I'd been up with the kids and was curious.
When woke this morning to loads of crap messages....wish I'd screenshotted for you.
Entertaining but weird. Too many fruit loops out there!!!

I think people start the catfish thing when they have no success themselves but importantly, are slightly nuts too.

I was talking about my lack of success with a mate and work and he said it's all down to photos. Doesn't matter to a degree what you write, it's all photos. He then said if you want proof, set up an account with well taken model type pictures and just watch all the messages that come in.

That's not something that interests me but I reckon that's the sort of thing that someone would try but then actually respond to the incoming messages!!

INFO you sound more interested in the ins and out and analysing OLD then getting a date :-))))))))))))

I haven't abandoned the thread or the idea of OLD but ( repeating myself here) had so much to deal with in RL that was in no frame of mind for chatting

still lurking and keeping updated with you lot though

com on guys, give me some positive stories to cheer me up !

Mooseburgers comes from the book, Why men love bitches,
from a review;

What became fascinating to me in the book was the “men are hunters” theory. Argov really gets into the guts of this age-old belief, and uses the analogy of a man hunting a moose. At the end of a ruff and tumble boys weekend, Argov explains, when the man has finally returned with his hunted moose, he will proudly parade it about like the king of the roost. Yet if that very same moose was to wilfully show up dead on his doorstep as an offering, it would no longer hold the same value to him. This principle, Argov attests, also applies to the male pursuit of women. If the woman offers herself up and submits to the man, the fun is over and the man was robbed of his hunt. Conversely, if the woman maintains her independence and remains only sometimes available to him, the always competitive hunter will relish in the challenge. And consequently, the woman will remain desirable.

You're probably right. I've been on OLD since the end of 2015 and had a long time to see how it all works. Limited success has added to spending more time analysing it, this is with a view to trying to get more success though. It's not that I don't want dates, they're just not happening.

I used to know a couple via FB that lived in the US and they used OLD, they had an open relationship and were open and honest about this. They both knew me for a while and thus had seen a lot of FB pictures and had chatted a lot about dating etc.

The guy told me how many dates he was getting and how many messages. Now this is someone very regular looking and with a seriously complicated relationship status. He was getting way more success than I was. He told me that in his opinion, I should be getting way more success than I do and that something just wasn't right. I'm not bursting with confidence but I totally agree with him.

I've looked at it all again today and I think my profile is just too boring. It offers nothing different in any way.

Info Is it POF you are on? Have you pretended to be a woman looking for a man to see what the competition and their profiles are like in your area, and how many there are?

Other option, have you tried tinder?

I haven't tried that but that's an interesting option. It wouldn't tell me who was successful though.

Yep tried Tinder, OKCupid and Bumble also.

I found you guys at last!

I have a date tonight. My first date EVER.

I am panicking!!!