The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Wondering if anyone else wonders over which side of them to present as their profile picture?

The image you present in your profile picture I guess is the main image you want to portray to people as you. Knowing also that the type of people you might attract is based on the image you give out. What if you have two images though? Smartly dressed being one but quite a street look as your other side? That's two quite different visual impressions.

Portraying my smart side will give out the image of being professional but maybe a little straight. This might put off the people who are a bit more edgy.

Portraying my street side will give out the image of being a bit more edgy but lacking in being professional perhaps. This will stop anyone who is more classy from viewing me.

Maybe I'm analysing it too far and it someone likes your face they'll view you whatever your style and dress.

RunnnyMummy

I suppose it is inevitable that we come across the same people - whereabouts do you live? I have put Beds but am not there yet, moving there soon.

Info most men I see are in the Street get up so that doesn't stand out but smartly dressed would. I'd be more likely to look thru the rest of his pics and then I'd be happy to see the more casual side too.
But that's just me.

Info I would put a bit of both. The suit might cinch it on top of the casual ones

I do a bit of both for sure, it's which to be the profile picture as that one alone decides whether someone comes in to even see the rest.

I've gone for a mix I think. Smart dressed but short sleeves so that the tats are showing. Hopefully conveys a smart style with kinda little bit woah little bit whey thrown in.

outto I'm cambs but I also look at guys around Bedford as that's not too far. Can't remember where shark man was.

Info my profile pic shows me in a dress which is very unusual. But my other photos show me as I'm normally seen. I sometimes swap them to see what happens. The dress photo gets the most looks but also attract a fair bit of unwanted attention.
Maybe try swapping your photos for a while and see if it makes a difference.

Hi,could I ask for a bit of advice here. I've posted a couple of times about meeting Mr M online, been about 4 weeks now, we've had two dates. He went a bit quiet but when I asked he said he'd just got a lot going on and since then very attentive. I know he's very busy, he's got children and a busy job, away on business all this week. I just don't quite get why we haven't got date 3 in. He texts a lot, there's banter and nice flirting plus he seems genuinely to want me around but I've asked about setting a date and he just seems to ignore it. Also very happy to leave voice messages on whatsapp but seems reluctant to talk on the phone. I've cut down on the responses as I guess I'm kind of feeling I might be a gap fill and if he really wanted to see me, he'd set a date. I wonder if this is why he won't speak on phone as he thinks I will ask outright. Would appreciate any thoughts.

Info, I think your right and the photo you use for your profile picture has to say a lot about you and has to encourage people to click on your profile. I tend not to click on people who are dressed in a suit (usually wedd No photos as that's the only time people dress up). I like artistic profile pics. My profile pic is black and white and looks almost like a professional shot though I took it myself, I think it says quite a lot about me as it's quite a fun shot , I have other photos on my profile, one of me in a dress and several of me in different places wearing different things. I also use some of my photos that are not of me (as I like to show off my photography).
I avoid men with photos of them in front of their car, I like cars but it has to be something special to warent a photo in front of it, I avoid men who have photos of themselves with their young children (I don't want someone with young kids) and I avoid people who have a pint on their hands. I'm often attracted to men with beards and ink but a, yet to get a date with one of these.

Dieu we absolutely got back together, and we are v stupidly happy. (I am here in a Pom-Pom waving capacity 😉)

mango I'd tread carefully (do you have any other irons on the go?)
Some people are not great on the phone me
I rarely speak on the phone with MrBright. But your situation is a frustrating one for sure. Would you consider sending a message to say 'so when are we going out? We had fun last time'

Crikey, I've just had a message saying my lips are beautiful and he dreams of kissing them...is this normal? It feels a bit...forward!

I have not dated for 20 years, so I am unfamiliar with the territory of OLD. Am I just being old fashioned to relate it to meeting in a bar or something? If someone came up to me and said that I probably would dismiss them immediately in a bar, though in real life you can see their facial expressions and just get a sense of chemistry, whereas online you just don't get any of that.

Upyergansey, no no other irons, have let them drift. I'm not that worried about dating to be honest, just that Mr M really stood out, similar situations and seemingly values children, work,home etc. I have raised the question and he is evasive but it doesn't make sense with how the rest of his messages are. But you really don't know people after a short time do you. I just think it's odd, if you like each other not to just say can't do anything for a week or so but I've got a gap next Monday to catch up. Odd.

Mango Do you think you are on a backburner as he is dating someone else too and wants to see if that works, but doesn't want to cut you off?

I have thought that, I genuinely don't think he has time. He tells me where he is every day and what he's up to with children etc and work and texts a lot so I'd be very surprised. I certainly wouldn't be able to fit anyone else in. There's always good morning and good night and lots in between, he sends funny photos but yes he could be. I did say yesterday he must be looking forward to getting home to the children and all the domestic stuff and he said he'd like me to be part of that list, but no bloody action to set a date. Aghhhh

hare - was this a first message? Apparently that kind of thing happens fairly often. Just ignore, don't engage. It's common, but it's not normal, if you get what I mean.

mango - some people just want a pen pal.

outto and info there's a strong chance I've seen both of your OD profiles, as I'm in that neck of the woods too :)

hare I get a lot of messages like that, I used to reply but now I just ignore unless I'm really bored sat at home on my own then I might message for entertainment.

Typical.....i have my last child and other commitment free weekend with 1 definite and 2 maybe dates lined up and I'm in bed ill. Not amused.

That said an iron I haven't spoke to for a couple of weeks (too far away, things had just petered out) was back with avengeance last night. Really need to sort out a date and see if it can go anywhere. He can be Joiner1

Really hoping I'm fit for lunch with 1st date on Saturday cause if it's not there will need to let him down gently before he gets any keener.

And I never heard back from the mushroom guy so who knows what that was supposed to be.....

bant, yes, first message, and love yes, I thought that was maybe correct. But I've been skulking around OLD sites for a few months really with only light conversation, tons of "Hi" (to which I just never know how to respond either, to me it feels just like a dog barking as you walk past the gate), and then microwave man. I am older, and not gorgeous, so just wondering whether this is even for me.

I mean, I am lovely, but maybe OLD is not the platform for me. But not sure of what the alternatives are.

Springtime at first I thought he might be referring to hallucinogenics but maybe not if a teacher. Maybe the fungi joke is still waiting in the wings.

hare have a look on meetup, it's a place where you can meet up with groups of people that share interests (walking, photography etc...), my friend uses it a lot and I have had a little look.

Thank you Lovemusic, I will. There's bound to be something on where I am now.

So mr mod is coming over tonight (not yesterday as I first thought) got myself MB ready and just got my period , is it wrong of me for not feeling as keen on him coming over now? Feeling pretty fed up, haven't seen him for over a month and don't know when I will see him again, I know he will be lovely and say it doesn't matter about MB but it does matter to me.

I'm a horny bitch at the moment, but even I think you should concentrate on just talking for tonight, and seeing where it goes from here. After all, he did mess you around for a bit (extenuating circumstances though, what with the recent death of his father) and you were pretty unhappy.
You sound a bit negative about having him come over? Are you sure that (subconsciously) it's not just the period/lack of MB you're pissed off about? Maybe on some level you know he's not the one, and are gearing yourself for disappointment … again.
Of course, feel free to ignore my amateur psychology!

Upyer delighted for you! Hope for us all