The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I like that info my bi line on pof is what's your best worse joke and it's been a good starter for conversations. It's stopped a lot of 'hi's' and gives a helping hand with first messages.

I bet you are right Info and I bet he uses the same opening line with all his matches. cheesy - but i might find it amusing.

Or maybe he is a forager and he just picked some beauties he would like to share with you.

Hi all. I am still feeling a bit low about things ending with Mr T at the weekend. We were together such a short space of time, and only had a few dates, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. Our brief time together was absolutely racked with misunderstanding and miscommunications. Probably as a result of too much written communication (texts, emails etc) but not enough verbal communication or actual meet ups. I didn't think he was keen enough, and he didn't think I was. Cue much misunderstanding as I said, and then it goes tits up because we didn't really know each other well enough to talk about it properly.
Can anyone relate? And if it feels fraught in the first flush, then it's not meant to be, right? Probably for the best, but also hard to accept that I will never see him again, kiss him, hold his hand etc
I won't get back in touch, but definitely have to work on my resilience. And why it is that I struggle with endings, even if things weren't right.

If you like the chap, it might be worth just being straight and saying hey, let's meet up and just be clear about what we want. Apologies if I've missed a major issue that would stop that.

I have the bit on the bottom of my profile about superpowers, saying what's your super power? Nobody has ever referred to it in a message.

I would definitely refer to that Info.

I saw a guy whose profile said he didn't swim with sharks. So I said; what no swimming with sharks ever, not even little ones. I tend to avoid men who don't swim with sharks ;)

No response. I has thought it was a wry comment about how everyone else's profile said they did loads of tough stuff. But maybe it wasn't, maybe he is genuinely scared of sharks and I upset him!

I had a guy on POF that under the first date section had something like drinks, blah blah, or, maybe we could steal a cop car.

I wittly messaged him -after a couple of wines- and said- so, this cop car, who gets to drive?

Nada....

Dieu 10 weeks it took me to message MrBright after calling a premature end to proceedings. I made a mistake. Message him. See if you both can figure it out. Life is too short, if you've met someone special.

Hi guys
Been chatting to a guy for a week , after 2 days we swapped numbers and texted loads day and night . Yesterday we had a date . It was lovely - or so I thought - went to 2 small coastal towns , had coffee at one them travelled onto the other for late lunch . Hand holding , kisses and cuddles . Talked non stop , not awkward , like lots of the same things . Dropped me home after about 5 hours together . Thought that was a good sign - 5 hrs !!
Couple of text last night , then only one this morning - now he has disappeared .
Wtf , Don't know what I did wrong , no explaination . Who deserves that .
It's such a rejection , Just having a moan really , met on PoF so have came of it totally , have a break till a feel better .

Thanks for replying UpYer and Info. I just can't do it. It would have to come from him. I am not a pursuer by nature, and probably have rejection issues! I did go against this with the last guy I saw, and chased him a bit. It led to nothing, and never again!

Oh, and if someone ignores a cool superpower or cop car joke, it shows a distinct lack of intelligence! Or humour.

Upyer out of interest, what happened when you contacted MrBright 10 weeks later? Were you able to get things on track, or was it too late? I'm guessing the latter, as you're on here

Buyme I would give him a bit of time - presumably he's working - and you did say that he had texted you just this morning!
Do try not to over invest too soon, as per rule 3 above (if only I found it easy to take my own advice!). And don't write him off quite yet … there could be a reason he has gone a bit quiet, although I can completely understand your angst when you have been used to a certain level of communication.
Constant texting really isn't sustainable though, or a surefire way of measuring someone's interest.
I hope he gets back in touch, but you will need learn to calm your jets a bit!

Thanks , just needed to vent .
He is off work today , his text was telling me he had a migraine last night .
Think it was all to good to be true , lived 10 minutes away , same likes , same opinions on most things .

My pmt no helping the situation .
Thanks

Och, sorry to hear it buyme.
I know the feeling all too well of waiting for that text. It's sickening!
And if he doesn't get back in touch, then I 100% do not understand that type of behaviour. It would be obvious that his niceness was all just an act, and better to know that now rather than later.

outto I saw the swimming with sharks guy as well. Messaged him to ask what he did do. No response.

Buyme I hate that bit of waiting for a reply especially when you've had such a good date. Why can't people be more polite?

A lot of people use the seeking a partner in crime line as their headline. It's an easy target message then as I usually say like, so what heist would be pull first or something like that.

I just messaged an absolute world class femme. She didn't reply but she did view me which was more than I was expecting!! Just did it to push myself to somewhere I'd never usually go.

I reckon I am going to delete POF. Even my usually strong faith is buckling fast.

Aww, hugs to you info. Must admit I'm dreading getting back on the saddle. It's world's apart from my excitement and naiveté when first joining the world of online dating 6 months ago!
Still, my desire to meet someone is such that I'll just have to grin and bear it.

Maybe that should be the name for a new dating site. Grinandbearit.com

(Although now I think about it, that does sound like an exhibitionist site, doesn't it)

I've got a new match on tinder. Attractive. Vegan. Teetotal. Non smoker.

Sounds really fun to be around..,

I was chatting to someone whose profile said dr. I asked him about his specialty and he told me. He also told me his first name (which is an unusual name for this area).

I googled him and found nothing.

I'm not sure he's genuine so I've stopped messaging him.

He only had one pic, with sunglasses on.

I'm so paranoid now, thanks to the one that declared I was the one and then blanked me.

On bumble, I am messaging a guy, and he seems nice although he only has one pic. He looks nice from what I can tell, and seems normal on chat. But I'm so burnt by the one who blocked me and mr call-a-lot that I'm holding back.

He has asked to meet, and I said maybe next week (busy all this week) so I don't feel I have to message daily.

Maybe he will be off the market by next week. It I'll take my chances. I'm so sick of the numbers game!

I always felt with frequent messaging that I was under more pressure to be witty, erudite a and 'on it'. Too many messages at the beginning was a bit all-consuming for me; then again very-few-message irons came to nothing. Gah!!!

If Im messaging frequently, other things are being ignored, like Eastenders and other important stuff 😉. In ass seriousness though, too much stuff fell by the wayside, I became too distracted. Nipped that in the bud and have felt 100 times better since. Not too sure thats a great dating tactic though.....

I think it's different for everyone. I tend to prefer a fair amount of messaging up front, to get the idea of someone's personality. I'm very aware that text person does not equal real person, but usually it's a good sign.

Also I'm aware I may be up against competition for the attention of someone attractive and funny, so I've got to be funny too. And attentive but not overly so.

Sometimes you get a connection with someone, at which point it's important to meet quickly. Sometimes there's no connection, in which case things tail off.

I've only got time to talk to one person in depth at a time. Life is too busy otherwise. But if they're not going to interact with me every day, or at least almost every day, I'll move on, as it seems like they're not as serious as me.

Hello everyone. Been lurking for a bit.

I'm interested in the frequency of messages being seen as a measure of seriousness. Perhaps that's right - I am dipping a toe and too many messages scare me off, and perhaps that should tell me I'm actually not ready.

I did have one guy, on his second message, send me about a page of really quite intense questioning, ending with how I felt about microwaves. Maybe that put the wind up me a bit.

Aaaah I have an iron! After a long time of lurking and face pulling when I get a message I saw a hottie and we messaged each other at the same time! Fate! I'm too ridiculously picky so it's rare I see someone I feel an attraction to, let alone them replying to me.

Neither of us have baggage such as previous marriages or kids (horrible term for it I know but I can't think of another word!) which at my age is rare and he lives quite near to me which is a must.

Now to not get over invested. That's the tricky part. When someone sounds too good to be true I have a huge tendency to pin all my hopes on them from the start. I'm definitely getting better but I started to get feelings for the FWB I met OL at the beginning of the year so had to distance myself from him. It's been a week and neither have messaged. Sod's law he'll pop up as soon as I've had a date with the newby wanting more than just sex...