The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

stubborn you are so right. Not entirely sure what on earth I was thinking of And yes, agree with you out and I'll do what I want in future. Men of Tinder watch out - there's a new Popcorn in town and she's bushy!

stubborn you are so right. Not entirely sure what on earth I was thinking of And yes, agree with you out and I'll do what I want in future. Men of Tinder watch out - there's a new Popcorn in town and she's bushy!

In a completely unrelated post, can anyone let me know how to put paragraphs in? I'm on the App on a Samsung and can't work out what to do. In case anyone hadn't noticed...

bant thank you, that's really helpful. And you and info have reassured me that not all men are like this ( just the ones I seem to be attracting!).
stubborn

popcorn I'm stunned they specified that in advance. Good grief!

May we all be blessed with normal attractive irons very soon!

Popcorn I have the same problem, the samsung app is shit.

On the topic of pubes. Pretty much every guy i've been with has said they prefer bald, but when it's come down to it they never complained about a bit of hair. I think most are just grateful they're getting some

Tell them you prefer your men with hair on their head and none on their balls. It might limit your chances, but it will demonstrate how ridiculous they are being!

If you ask someone what their preference is and they say it, that's fine really because they're just being honest. If they bring it up and state what they prefer, they're walking a dodgy line as if you don't match what they prefer, you could bin them right there and then.

This pubes subject makes me think of the difference between men and women. it really wouldn't occur to me to tell a man what i prefer with regards his body hair. It's his body FFS!

Yet, I (as much as anyone) have carefully scoped men out, trying to work out their preferences so i can be how they want me to be.

That's really frustrating. Now, well into my 40s, I figure that the men i will attract will be past all that. If they aren't then its their loss I suppose.

oh and can i just say - anyone who thinks it is impossible to conduct a sexual relationship while living apart should see the er..."glow" I have this morning...rather lovely LDMB (long distance Moose Burgers) with Mr Overseas last evening....

Good on you remember!
I have just had a quick browse of POF. Oh my LORD!
More passive aggressive comments and spelling mistakes than you can shake a stick at!
I am considering Guardian Soulmates. Was hoping I might find a more emotionally switched on man there, than I have previously elsewhere.
Anyone tried it? Think it's free. Only thing is that it was showing only 36 members in the city where I live. Not exactly the greatest membership numbers! Or is it that more will pop up when I actually submit my profile?
Nothing to lose I guess anyway ...

remember that sounds lovely. Hope the two of you can see each other again soon.

Someone commented about people messaging without photos. I've managed to change my settings so they have to have a photo to message me. This is on POF.
I found it under mail settings on the desktop version. Not the app.

Dieu, I've used Guardian Soulmates in the past. From what I remember, it's free to join, but you have to pay to message people - so basically you can't do much at all without paying. I met a couple of nice men from there, but nothing that led to a relationship. Also I've heard that it's not much good if you're in a city, ideally London.

Sorry, that was meant to say not much good UNLESS you're in a city.

Thanks info.... same age group then... regarding your comments, I am reminded of Lola by the Kinks....

Dieu I met the guy that gave me the vibrator on Guardian Soulmates!!

I'm in London and yet still have found it slow- not many irons or just being messaged by men 15 years older.

On the subject of mr vibrator, I sent him a text along the lines of Bant's suggestion. I got a reply- he seemed surprised my reaction and said it was just something for me to enjoy by myself, to give me pleasure and not to involve him, and apologised if it was too soon!!

Clawdeen - hopefully he has learnt some kind of lesson from you about gift giving - although why he needed to be taught, I will never know.

I went on Guardian Soulmates too and they were all London based people and i live about 1.5 hours away. It was very unhelpful and it is a really long registration process only to discover the possibilities are a bit limited.

I still stand by Bumble - I had two really good experiences (for the most part) and chatted to some really interesting men.

remember yes quite why he needed telling I don't know! Interesting about bumble, though do you need Facebook? That's been my stumbling block. Mind you as I have had poor results from GSM and OKC I might have to bite the bullet.

Here's a link to 50% off Soulmates:)

soulmates.theguardian.com/subscribe/OPT50?CMP=aff_1432&awc=5795_1487600352_a2869cde62a9ae1551f2f87ca54d059d

Personally, when I was online dating I had plenty of luck using Soulmates though I did find the same people give or take on all the dating sites.

A quick tip for anyone who wants to look at profiles on Soulmates with going through the process of registering.

If you load the page as pasted below it directs you to register.

soulmates.theguardian.com.

But if you add/find like below you can browse profiles without registering.

soulmates.theguardian.com/find

I've just had a quick look on guardian soulmates ... Typed in man looking for a woman in my area, age etc... interesting to see what the competition looks like then looked properly, quiet a few men I've seen before on tinder!

I think if my POF choice isn't great, Soulmates would be a waste of time in this area.

I just used your find link, entered my nearest city and it brought back pages of people from London. Immediate search fail.

I might add Tinder back today, got to try something different to POF.

I paid for 3 months on GSM, I had one conversation on it, no dates and a load of unread messages sent by myself! I'd say it was my least successful site.
For me, I've had lots of matches and dates on Tinder but nothing serious came of them
POF gets most traffic and interest, yes I've had a fair few weirdos and loads of awful messages but also some good dates and my latest and also previous iron who I dated for a couple of months were from POF.
OKC is limited in matches and yes I've had marrieds and men from India message but I do enjoy using it and did meet one nice guy on there who was local, we had 4 dates but not looking for the same thing.
I also liked bumble.

My hobbies are traditionally more male based so any women involved are usually long since snapped up, makes it difficult outside of OLD. Just added Tinder back so will look forward to no matches on that too ha ha :)

"My hobbies are traditionally more male based so any women involved are usually long since snapped up, makes it difficult outside of OLD. "

This is one of those odd things - do we really want a partner who is into the exact same things as us? I see profiles of men who claim to run several marathons a year, do tough-mudder, cycle several thousand miles.....well, apart from the fact they would never be at home....do they really want a partner who is into that too?

So, when people say I am blah blah blah and looking for a partner who shares the same interests/qualities, it makes me turn away. I also loathe the expression 'fun loving'.

I'm probably generally too grumpy for OLD!

Out I agree whole-heartedly! I play music but I don't want a jamming partner. And people who are out running all the time don't surely want me tagging along??

I also stop reading the men cite travel as their main hobby. I mean, I'd like to see more of the world, but I have dcs so I can't be your travel/adventure companion! That one seems to be on 90% of profiles, so slim pickings for home-bodies like me!