The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Yeah, people can do stuff like keep fit, but no one ever interested me by telling me how many kilometres they rode at the gym today.

Plus, this woman didn't go to the gym. She saw her mum, and other SAHMs, and discussed conspiracy theories on the internet.

I'm all up for discussing those, it's fun. But not to date someone where that is the only interesting thing about them.

You have a car so unique you could out yourself? That's awesome, intrigued!!

Yes, my car is kind of unique but not an expensive car, more of a shed really, his licence plate is probably worth more than he is. I'm saving for my next project. I do think you can tell a lot about someone from what car they drive, I tend to attract BMW drivers which I don't think is a good thing.

Depends what BMW they drive. Also, a car doesn't need to be expensive to be unique and awesome. My car was four grand and I've never seen another one on the open UK roads.

I must be getting the hang of OLD! I got blocked by a guy last night on POF.
Why? Because I refused to discuss what I was wearing under my dress on my profile photo. I was polite but he told me I had attitude then blocked me.

lol runny, happens a lot to me. Got a match on tinder last night, the conversation went like this:
Him: hello
Me: hi
Him: where do you live?
Him: I want to make love.
It ended there , his profile isn't written in English, I suspect he is Eastern European judging by his name and I'm guessing he doesn't speak good English.
Mr gym buff asked me if I wanted to join him in a 4 som, I haven't messaged him since .
Tinder seems a bit crazy, I'm yet to find someone that's not just after a shag.
At the moment I have 5 different men messaging me, 2 are from when I first did online dating almost 2 years ago, they have stayed in contact and now they know I'm single they are trying to up their game, one is Mr Nice that I went on a date with ( and found boring ), Mr Mod still lingering around and I have a old friend who has appeared but is married ( trying not to encourage him ) but no one that I actually want to date.

Hi all,

Delinking to ask a question: met someone for coffee yesterday after only making first contact yesterday morning.

He's nice, local, straight talking. I like him.

But he rang me twice last night after 10pm and twice this morning before 8am. I ignored all calls as I was sleeping!

Is it too much? Am I being a cow ignoring the calls? It feels too much. Help!

As someone trying to do it properly, I'm stunned that guys would message to ask what you're wearing under your dress!!! Absolutely nutcases!!

No, you're not being a cow. Different people have different levels of communication, sometimes you can sync them with yours. But calling that much at unsociable times (before 8 on a Sunday morning?) is a bit off.

Tell him you were asleep, and say you're not really up to chatting that early or that late. If he gets pissy, dump him. But possibly he's just overinvested

My coffee with Mr Phd was as hard work as I expected it to be! He spent 90 minutes talking about himself - I came home to discover he had messaged me on POF to ask for another date. Plus he lied about his height !

However,my date with mr Bonkers last night went amazingly - had a lovely time and did lots of snogging! Am now panicking that hes way too keen and I will hurt him cos I really dont want another LTR this soon after the divorce :-(

Thanks bant. I think maybe he is overly invested. I'm trying to get over someone I can't have so I don't want to jump into something that fast. I need slow and steady to see if it's worth it.

But yy to 8am on a Sunday - tooooo much! Grrrrr

The only reason someone is up that early on a Sunday is that they have small children, they are super fit and wanted someone to go for a run or walk with them or their wife is asleep at those times and he can talk to you without her knowing! or he was in bed and hoping you would offer a "special" phone call!

LM33 I had some of those dodgy messages too. One in particular chatted to me for about 5 minutes before saying "Life's too short....tights are for tearing off with your teeth"

I came back with "sorry, you haven't spent long enough getting my interest for me to indulge that". he said "oh well, my loss". End of conversation!

Only ever on POF though.

What do people think "Are you a sexy person or a love person" means?

In a steam of messages (this guy seems incapable of writing one message and sends each sentence as a separate message) and sent after I said I was logging off/going to bed.

Means are you here for a relationship or a shag.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Idiot man.

Ok well Mr Phone-a-lot has been blocked. Pushy bastard. Thanks for the sense people! Onwards!

Can you block people on POF?

Hi, I was first on this thread 5 years ago, and have dipped in and out of this thread/OLD since then.

I was meant to have a first date today but the man cancelled due to not being well. So annoying as I don't have much child-free time and it's too late to try to arrange something else.

Oncemore I'd be furious if someone I'd met once called me before 8am on a Sunday morning! I think you've made the right decision.

It does seem possible to block people on POF, yes.

I would not tolerate that phoning either. But then my phone would be on silent so I would not actively ignore it, I just wouldn't know about it. However, when I saw the missed calls I would decide he was an annoying stalker-type and block him.

I despair honestly. Previous guy I met with 3 times, he was declaring himself off OLD sites, talking on the phone and messaging frequently (but not obsessively lol) and made arrangements for a 4th date, then just disappeared.

Either too much or not enough it seems!

Message from a guy 9 years younger, too much for me. Plus at that age they probably still might want kids. I don't have kids (I only spotted today that this thread is for parents dating, sorry!) and am too old now, so this is something I need to make clear early on.

Mr gym buff asked me if I wanted to join him in a 4 som, I haven't messaged him since

Were you not tempted to answer "That sounds amazing baby, I love the idea of watching you get shagged by two hot guys at once" ?

I think the only telephone etiquette that is appropriate in early stages is to message first to ask if you are free for a phone chat at some point soon. Then it's agreed and planned and expected. Calling someone new out of the blue is not good. Doing it at silly times is just well, silly.

Info, I agree. It makes me wonder how much awareness someone has if they think phoning before 8am is a good idea.

Blobby, your date with Mr Bonkers sounds great! Have you arranged to see him again?

Runny and Lovemusic, I can't believe the messages some guys send! I think my strangest message so far has been from a man who only likes women who wear jumpers, preferably mohair ones. I'm not sure if he still expects his partner to wear a jumper in the middle of summer?