The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

tomhardy

Has he said why he's not ready?

Online dating is odd. You simply don't know who you're talking to via message, they could be married, or smell of wee, or be amazing but cautious.

He probably does like you, but.. what does that actually mean? Do you fancy him? Does he smell good? Is he rude to waiters?

You've got to meet someone willing to meet, otherwise all you have is a pen pal. Possibly a pen pal whose wife will post on here about her DH sending romantic messages to a woman, and he'll say he never met you, and he'll drop off the radar, or hes single but he's planning to meet other women and you're on the back burner.

Why is he not ready? Do you want to meet him or do you want a pen pal

I'm on pof and tinder. I get a lot of weird messages on pof but had two ok dates from there so I'm hanging in.
I have better results on tinder and I'm not just after a hook up. It's easy to get rid of the ones that are as they show their colours quick. At least your only getting messages from ones you find attractive.

A funny old day OLD. Got chatting to one guy who invited me to a swingers party/orgy tonight. I sadly declined because I haven't shaved my legs this week. But not to worry because there is another party on 17 March so he informs me.

I'm chatting to another 2 but something isn't sitting quite right, I'm usually good at sniffing out fake profiles. They usually have perfect catalogue photos and are nearly always widowed. These two are good looking but photos aren't quite perfect plus they both live about an hour away. I'm chatting away but being very careful with my information.

On the bright side Mr Long Distance and I have chatted on on the phone a couple of times and we have a date set up for 8 April. At the moment he seems really nice.

...ooh I hate that.. when someone messages you and they don't have public pictures, so you diplomatically reply and ask if they can show what they look like, and they're just ugly, and you either have to say 'thanks but no thanks' or ignore them, when you've already had a short conversation with them.

I feel guilty. Why the hell didn't she have public pictures to begin with. Now I've got to reject her because she's just very unattractive...

And I feel like an arse.

Pants

How long have you been talking to Mr tall? I wouldn't give more than a couple of weeks before meeting up so I don't get OI in something that isn't going anywhere

Bant - he said he is new to dating and out of a long term relationship. He doesn't feel ready to meet anyone yet and just wants to chat.

I do get that. I am new to it too. But I do think a coffee doesn't do any harm. However we have only been chatting for just less than a week, so it is early days.

I met up with someone else about 3 weeks after chatting. We just had a drink together. There was no attraction, but it was nice to actually meet up.

I shall see how this one goes. As I said, being new to it I am happy to see what happens over the next few weeks.

Brittany I fell (a bit) for the widower bullshit. Until he sent a msg saying he was leaving the site & could I just email him instead... hmmm.

Anyone ever applied for beautiful people? Can you imagine the feels if you failed the entry picture test!! Sorry you can't join, you look baaaad.

Nope. I don't think I'd want to meet anyone who wanted to join it.

I mean, I'm not ugly, although I need to get to the gym more. But if my opening line on a date was 'so are you vain in person as well as online?' Then I think the date wouldn't go so well

Ha ha totally true!!

I had a few dates once with a woman who told me quite proudly that she was a member there. She was nice, lived too far away to ever work out though. I told her I wasn't impressed by her being on that site!!

I am finding that my desire to find someone 'normal'is conflicting with my desire to find someone 'interesting'!

People seem to be interesting for the wrong reasons.

The guy I am chatting to has the conversational ability of a slug as far as I can tell. I am giving him all sorts of openers about things I like (dogs [he has one], anything Chinese [not just the food!], theatre, opera, music [one specific band - see username here!], concerts, films, food......) and he has nuttin'. Asks what I am doing this weekend - well, today I went to London, had lunch in a nice restaurant, did some shopping, went to the theatre. He is doing nothing.

Hmmm.

The nosey person in me wants to apply just to see if I'll be accepted now I've read about it! I think Bant should apply just so he can tell them to sod off after

Taking of bant when and who is this next date you mentioned without details

and Info you can't be giving up now, get back on the proverbial horse and whip up a few irons immediately. Just message a shed load of women you fancy, and see who replies. Like now

Meh, I decided to cancel the date. This woman doesn't have a job, has a fully paid off mortgage, has kids in school, and gets maintenance from her ex, so doesn't see the need to work.she just lives frugally.

I have a job I love, which I'm passionate about. I'm very careful to keep a work life balance, but my job and the people I work with are a big part of my life, along with my friends, my kids.

I don't see the point in meeting someone where I'm going to just be asking what she watched on tv today. How can someone just choose to spend their day at home, not even do volunteer work?

So, cancelled.

I once dated a guy (many years ago, in my late 20's) who didn't work. It was very odd. 'How was your day' had no meaning, and talking about mine was met with a blank response because he had no idea what it was like to work. He lived with his mum and just had never really seen the point of a job - he did some DJing and a LOT of metal detecting, so most of his conversation was about random fields he had known and bits of tin he had found....

I'm trying!! I did message two people today. One replied to say thanks for the lovely message but you live too far away. The other didn't reply.

I am honestly struggling to find anyone I would message on POF. All the same faces all the time. I've either tried and failed, they've tried and failed or they're just not for me.

I envy you City folk with all your choice!!

I don't blame you bant it's not very attractive really is it? or interesting

info if you've exhausted POF try another site? I can't remember if you've used OKC or not, that's one I find "ok"

Why are we all sitting on MN on a Saturday night instead of out on dates! I do have date 3 Wednesday I guess

I've done OKC and find it harder going than POF, I really think my area isn't great for this.

POF does seem to be the site getting most traiffic. And free so I guess it's just a case of seeing who's new every day and waiting. Whilst getting on with RL too obviously

Well, I am in because I was out all day so am tired. Shame really as I was in London, on my own, all day and could have met someone for coffee. But here I am back home.

Bant I don't work ( well starting a new job on Monday but haven't worked for a while ), I don't watch tv all day, I don't sit down all day, I have hobbies, I keep fit and I socialise.

Most men I have met a nine I find boring because they have no passion for anything other than work, no hobbies, or they want someone to cuddle up with and watch movies with ( ok occasionally but I would rather be out on an adventure ), I think I probably have too many hobbies, I find it odd when people have no interest in anything. I have several men messaging me that I have met ages ago, they are good as friends but I find them too boring to have a relationship with.

What's your hobbies Lovemusic?

I like to keep fit so I go to the gym most days then I swim, I walk a lot, I love photogrophy (probably spend too much time doing this), cars, horse riding, camping, I like to draw and love art in most shapes or forms. I pretty much enjoy most things apart from watching movies and sitting still for too long. Would love to find someone that shares at least one or 2 of my hobbies. I hate it when I start talking to someone and the first thing they ask me is 'what movies do you like?', I hate been no asked on a date to go to the cinema or out for a 'quiet drink', would rather go for a walk, meet at a local beauty spot, I can stretch to a drink in a nice country pub as long as they have a pool table so I don't have to sit still for too long.

Ooh, a guy on POF just told me I am beautiful. I was starting to wonder if being so gorgeous was what was stopping men contacting me. ;)

(he's probably drunk, he's wibbling on about some rugby game, I've no idea what he's talking about, I have zero interest in sport)

Photography and cars, nice combo straight away! What sort of cars are you into?

I like most cars, from classics to sports cars and I love my car but won't say what it is as I don't want to out myself , I can't wait to go to a few car shows in the summer and tie my photography in with it.