The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Ha ha that's mad about jumpers!!

Can't believe that you suggested a 4some either, some people are so nuts. At least start with a 3 and work his way up.

Jumpers!!
I love this thread. I have nothing to add as it's all quiet here.
Just enjoying the updates

Can I pick your brains please? Would also like a man's point of view info and bant

Well I had date 3 last night. He'd been very gentlemanly on previous dates, almost formal. Saying he wants a relationship not just something casual. A bit over complimentary but put that down to different styles. Just before date I made a joke about getting a kiss goodbye- he'd just shook my hand previously. This then seemed to be a green light for a stream of dirty texts. I don't mind that sort of thing but found it odd given he hadn't even kissed me. Met up on the date and I just got a chaste kiss on the cheek. Nice evening but lots of talk about 'us' and assuming we're a couple. Then he handed me a gift as I left. Opened it when I got back- it was a vibrator!!! Is this in any way normal behaviour??

Clawdeen

That is NOT normal at all. Any gift is not normal on date 3. A vibrator to someone you barely know is not normal in any circs. He sounds like a psychopath.

(I've turned down two for being too young now, reset profile to min age 41, 40 just seems like a baby!)

Erm. Erm.

Well, some people may give a gift. I've been given gifts on date 1, in fact.

But

Erm.

No! This is not normal. This is fucking weird.

Sounds to me like a man with huge boundary issues. Possibly a madonna/whore complex too.

Run away.

I mean, who does that?

Thank you out. He was going on and on about taking things slow, waiting until we got to know each other before having sex etc. Ridiculous compliments every few minutes. I felt a bit smothered. But the present threw many- and yes I would have felt odd about any present so soon but a sex toy?

Oh dear. I had hopes for this as its been the only online date I've clicked with.

Thanks Bant. I was with my late husband since a fairly young age and then single for quite a while now so was wondering if I was being naive.

Thank you for backing up my gut feeling.

No clawdeen. Some things mayhave changed, but basic human decency and politeness hasn't

If you'd talked about vibrators, or engaged in a fair amount of sexting prior to the date, then maybe this would be okay.

But..

I've got to ask.. did it have a little ribbon with a bow wrapped around it? To make it all formal, like?

Clawdeen, that's awful. Please don't meet him again. A polite message saying that you don't think you are suited and then no further contact, in my opinion.

No, no previous talk of vibrators!

Your question about packaging made me smile bant. Sadly no little bow! It was in a little zippered pouch. The pouch did not come with the vibrator so the fact he must have been searching out a pouch to fit it just makes it seem even stranger!

And to give me specific instructions to open it on my own in the taxi! Poor taxi driver got a fright by my reaction!

Thanks pavonia that's a good plan.

Clawdeen - wow! I have no idea what the man was thinking. Maybe he thought it would keep you going until you did finally have sex after "getting to know each other".

My guess is that the next plan was to continue with the sextng/dirty texts and ask you to use his gift during.

I don't think I would be able to help myself and would ask what on earth he was thinking.

Remember- yes, that makes sense.

I definitely would have asked that if I'd opened it in front of him. No wonder he wanted me to open it on my own. I haven't brought myself to text him yet today.

Yes just to second that, it's wholly inappropriate to give you what he did. That's only appropriate if you know each other very well and also perhaps as a private joke if that circumstance came up.

To launch into dirty talk is already a mistake, the vibrator is just plain weird. Avoid him.

I've just treated myself to a new iron and ironing board and don't loads of shirts. Such a lovely feeling. That's probably also quite weird but less so than the vibrator thing.

Vibrator gift? No. Just no. Sorry that happened to you, what a twat!

Re the early phone calls (yes, that's plural) I'm glad to see it's not just me that found it inappropriate, as he sent me a barrage of abuse about me being lazy and miserable on POF before I worked out how to block him.

What a horrible experience, and all in 24 hours!

People are dicks.

As OLD is going nowhere for me, I wonder if I could find such a spin to put on my profile that it gets some views.

Like, make all my photos really silly/ironic stuff like in a variety of man type scenes. E.g. a diy shot, some cooking, fixing something with a spanner. Done in a way that's obviously just to be silly.

It would either bomb completely or someone might like it.

Hello - I posted earlier in the thread re my iron not bothering with anything Valentine's related - not even a text. Was in a similar position to love remember distance and lack of moving forward, and after 3 months I've decided we should part ways. Onwards and upwards and I'm merrily swiping once more. I've got a personal question for the men among us. bant and info - if you don't mind me asking, can I ask what you expect/want to see 'down there' the first time MBA are served? My last two have wanted to see nothing at all, and it was a bit of a hassle of I'm honest and meant spontaneity wasn't easy. I know it's my body and up to me, and intending to be au natural this time, but just wondered what was expected/nice from a male perspective?

I think it's nice if it is neat. Doesn't have to be nothing there. Just somewhere in the middle is fine, make sure it doesn't look like you've never been near it for the past year but yeah, I'd say nothing at all isn't necessary.

InfoSec, no harm in trying. Alternatively, maybe review your pictures to remove ones that might be turning people off. Things that make me swipe left on Tinder are motorbikes, cars, dogs, too many drinking photos, any photo taken in bed, torso shots taken in the bathroom mirror.

A good clear head and shoulders shot, on your own and preferably smiling is essential, preferably not a selfie taken at an unflattering angle.

Clawdeen that's hilarious, what a dick!!

Wow, Claw I think you've broken the thread who the actual fuck does something like that! I would def call him out on it I don't think its i could let go.

To launch into dirty talk is already a mistake

There is nothing wrong with a bit of fun sexting..........!

info - one thing I thought of doing, but never actually did, is to make my profile photo of me holding a tin of salmon up and grinning proudly.

The irony should be attractive to some women.

I love sexting - made the mistake of doing it before meeting once and the embarrassment still lives with me. There was NO spark at all, he was about 3ft tall and at least ten years older than his profile. When I think of what I said I would do to him Lesson learnt - I need to arrange least meet someone first now!

popcorn - personally I'm put off by nothing at all down there. It's a bit icky. Grown women naturally have hair

It's all down to personal taste of course but something less than a jungle and more than bald is good for me

Bant, I love the tuned fish idea. A picture of a man holding a large carp is another automatic left swipe from me.