The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Just typical. I go on a swiping spree and the only mutual match that messages me has just admitted he's never had an intimate relationship. He's mid forties!!

"He lives quite far away though and I don't know if I want to travel that far for a good time."

Before my most recent [7 year] relationship, I used to meet men just for sex (by the way - wtf is 'MB'?) but I would never travel to them, they had to come to me. We always met in my local pub then I decided if it went further or not. And they never stayed the night (I used to say, if they asked, "I'm not a Travelodge"). It was fun, for a while :)

Meet up and blow his....mind RunnyMummy!!

I once dated a guy who was mid 30's and had never had an intimate relationship (I was late 30's). Honestly, never again.

info I might be tempted if he was a George Clooney lookalike . But he's not and his messaging skills aren't great either.
Think I might pass and keep on swiping

runny I would avoid .

So chatted with Mr Gym buff for a while, all ok but he's not really into the same things as me and I don't think we would be comparable. He obviously loves himself a little too much (sent me loads of photos of his top half, clothed and unclothed), he is rather muscular and fit. All was ok until he started sending me dirty videos, not of himself I must add, basically porn, at that point I decided to ignore and go to sleep.
Mr Mod messaged me last night to say he was going out on the piss with 'the boys', he doesn't really drink so it probably ended badly, I'm not going to message him today at all, I will leave him alone and see if he contacts me at some point over the next week or so. I do like him but I'm not hugely into him, just feel a bit rejected because he obviously doesn't want to put any effort in right now. I'm tempted to sign back up to POF but not sure if I can really handle it right now. Tinder isn't giving me much hope, seems to be just people who want to hook up for sex and though I am tempted by that I know that I'm useless at 'just sex' (FWB) as I get too involved.

LM I don't think it's necessarily that he "obviously doesn't want to put in any effort right now" more that he's just lost his Father and these are clearly extenuating circumstances?

Hello everyone I have been reading the thread and trying to keep up with everyone's goings on. It's moving so fast -is it a sign spring is in the air?!
Love, I am sorry to hear about Mr mod, it is hard to be the one dropped even when you are not sure of someone. Maybe take a little time away from the sites to clear your head for a bit?
I don't have a lot going on but the tinder guy I have been messaging for weeks finally mentioned meeting for a drink. Can see more potential with him than anyone else I've met up with recently so pleased about that.
Mr football who I had a few dates (and slept with) over new year got back in touch on valentines day wishing me hvd and asking what I was up to. Not sure if he was checking if I am still single or angling for an invite. I was pretty direct with him saying had assumed he was not interested and do not like being messed about.He did not respond to that but next day also asked what I was up to. I am very attracted to him but he really messed me around before and I got quite upset when it became obvious he was not that into me and not wanting to plan proper dates just angling for last-minute invites to mine. I don't want to be a booty call and get too emotionally involved for very casual so am being strong and not going to engage with him again. Is so hard though as know him already and see him twice a week and he is qiite flirty.

Well mr Cop has gone quite on me which is unlike him. We've sent a few text everyday but not heard from him since Thursday night. I know he's been working nights and he knows I'm away with my kids this weekend so might just be that but feeling is he's lost interest. I'm going to drop him a text when I'm home tomorrow night and see what response I get.

On better news going away to the bottom of the country has boosted my ego. Having a flick on tinder to see what I'm missing down here whilst I waited for the kids to go to sleep last night and had 11 super likes in one day! And pof has come alive, 15 views 11 messages. Not bad going.
Hope your all having fun weekends.

Hi everyone

So, it is ended with Mr T. We were supposed to be seeing each other this weekend, but again, nothing came of it (his choice). Fed up of being strung along, so I put the whole thing out of its misery.
Even though I hadn't been 100% sure about him, I had still been looking forward to seeing him, and it all feels a bit crap. Still, it is a relief in a way to be done with all the angst and uncertainty.
Really not sure where to go from here though, as I had been seeing him exclusively … and my Match membership has since run out!
Honestly, the thought of going back to square 1 depresses the life out of me … and that was after only 6 months of Match, my first and only ever experience of online dating.
I'm not sure how anyone could cope with the whole thing long term!
Grudge paying for another site, so will try a freebie at some point. Are they 100% free, or are you charged for 'extras' such as messaging people? Have mentioned before that my phone is a brick, so I can't do the app based ones (e.g. Tinder).
Thanks and a Happy Weekend to all!

Dieu, POF is free, you can pay for upgrades but you don't need them, you can message for free, same with Tinder and bumble (I use these on my iPad and not my phone).

Thanks LM33. You bearing up ok?
Hopefully our next relationships won't be so spookily similar … and ill-fated!
Have you tried OkCupid?

Would be cool to have a few posts about which sites people have used and their experience of those sites. Especially ones that others may not have used before.

www.seacaptaindate.com/

mulletpassions.com/

furrymate.com/

I have not tried any of these

Helpful Bant. Thanks!

I'm ok dieu, I have been busy as my grandad was taken ill yesterday so I have been back and forth to the hospital, haven't had much time to think. Mr MOD has messaged me a couple times today but I have been quite busy, in a way I wish he would leave me alone until he has decided what he actually wants. He's saying that he hasn't ended it, he just wants to leave things until he feels better. I'm still going to stay on Tinder and will still talk to others (keep my options open) because I'm not holding out much hope with him. I have used okcupid in the past but found there was not many people local to me.

Lol bant, sea captain dating makes me feel slightly sea sick (a dating sight for sea captains and those who love the sea), furrymate looks very interesting too.

I'll skip all those three cheers Bant!!

Ha!!! I genuinely did used to date a sea captain! AND he was quite furry!

(How do they know that someone's genuinely a sea captain though? Do you have to scan and send in your master's ticket and details of your vessel??)

I have not read the terms and conditions.

Free sites that seem to work:

pof. Free to message and search. You can pay for 'meet me' and to see when people have read your messages, and to promote your profile. Probably not worth the money though.

Ok Cupid gives you a percentage match rating, which can mean you get lots of messages from people a long distance away. Also seems to have a high proportion of fetishists and polyamorists

Bumble is like tinder, except women have to send the first message. Much slower than tinder to get matches, but less likely to get unwanted advances.

Any others?

Here is my experience. Decent looking male living in the North West.

POF. This is my weapon of choice. Any dates I've had have all come from here. Lots of fakes sending meet me invites but these are easy to avoid. I have been a paid member and never would again. It just serves to show how many people delete your messages without even reading them. Some things are better off not known. Currently installed.

OKCupid. Had a bunch of chats via here but nothing ever came to a date. People do seem a bit almost alternative on here. The match percentage means nothing, I've had very high 90s who haven't responded. It's all about the photo. Currently not installed.

Tinder. This does seem to be all about hook ups and therefore it's not me. I have had limited luck on here. Currently not installed.

Bumble. A seeming never ending flow of attractive women which made it seem either fantastic or fake. I matched nobody, not one single person. Currently not installed.

MeetMe. I used this for a few days and didn't like it at all. Strange app filled with strange people. Currently not installed.

Match. This one needs to be paid up or is useless. I've been a paid member in the past and had no dates. Had a lot of message from fake users though. Wouldn't join again. Currently not installed.

Happn. Barely bumped into people and just because you've walked past someone means absolutely nothing. Started getting people from the other end of the country. Their support team advised rebooting my phone. Pur-leeeese. Currently not installed.

I've probably used a couple of others but they're all naff around this area. Most users on apps around here are an hour away which places me outside of their zone.

My experiences: Match absolutely no dates, a few message, came to nothing. OKCupid- met two guys from here & chatted to a few more. Im in NI and the dating pool is tiny and full of assholes calling me posh because I shop in M&S now and again. Agree the high scores mean eff all, and id say, somewhat cynically, that the stats are too easily manipulated. PoF met one guy. Turned out he was married. Several blokes looking for ons, hook-ups etc. Which I'm not

Wont touch Tinder. I keep seeing same faces across the apps. I dunno, im keen to meet someone in a similar/close earning bracket (not a fortune Might add!!!) Unfortunately all pretty economical with the truth so far. Sigh.

I've been on match, pof, bumble and tinder. Met my current iron on tinder. Bumble was crap I got no responses to my messages, I had a couple of dates on pof, but I prefer tinder.

So I asked Mr Tall if he wants to meet up and he said he wasn't ready. However we did spend several hours just chatting last night which was good fun. We seem to have very similar senses of humour and quite a lot in common. He said he does want to meet but not just yet. So, I am going to take things nice and slowly and just see what happens. I have decided not to chase him.

This is my first experience of OLD so I am not good at reading signs. My friends seem to think he likes me. But it is very early days. And he is probably chatting to other people too. How on earth do you tell if someone is genuine?

I am enjoying this thread and wish everyone luck.