The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Well, who can tell. I'm focusing on rules 2 and 6.

The general conversation after the date went:
Me: I'm home, thanks for a nice evening
Her: hi, I'm sorry, I didn't feel much of a spark.
Me: no, you're right. Shame. Good luck
Her: you too.
Her (Within the next two minutes) block/delete

So I don't think I was coming across as a potential angry or heartbroken suitor.

Ah well. Ego slightly bruised, but I'll get back on the horse.

(Actually, she spent half an hour talking about bloody horse riding. Maybe I'll use a different metaphor)

Stubborn - take brufen if it's that swollen, it can help reduce swelling. Anti histamine does too, but needs to be a non drowsy one if you've got a date!

out - do you mean ibuprofen? I have that in the house! I think I have antihistamines, too, left over from DS2's chicken pox. Seeing as they're child grade, I'll probably have to swig the whole bottle....

Bant, what were you wanting to achieve if she didn't block you, what would it have changed?

Yes, Ibruprofen :)
Worth a try, can't hurt.

I seem to have a couple of POF messages, but I'm resolved not to look at POF at work, so they have to wait til I get home. Last few have not been inspiring but we can only live in hope.

Nothing, info. I probably wouldn't have messaged her again. I've remained friends with some women I've dated where there was no chemistry, but most I've just not talked to again. Often I'll go through and delete contacts when I'm in a mood to clean up my phone. Not straightaway though.

But it's the difference between saying a polite goodbye and slamming the door in their face.

Update with Mr MOD, I have had several messages since I sent the message to him, most are saying what a terrible time he has had, one said he would come and see me once he has been payed tomorrow and he will buy me a birthday present, he says he feels bad but then continued to moan about his family and his own health. In the message I sent him I told him that I spent yesterday morning at the doctors (I had a funny turn the night before but turned out to be possible bad migraine), he didn't ask what was wrong or how I'm feeling. I don't know how I feel about him, I think I have been more than flexible with everything that has been going on, I don't expect much from him, would just be nice to be asked 'how are you today?' Or for him to show a bit more interest in what I am up too ( as I could be up to anything for all he knows ). I'm not sure if I want to see him tomorrow, I have made plans as I didn't know if he would be available or not and I'm not going to sit around on the off chance he decides to come over.

IDK love, TBH I'd expect someone to be a bit more concerned with what you were up to even if he is having a very hard time. Since you've known him, has there ever been a time when you've ever been able to air all your concerns to him, or is it all just one sided? I mean, presumably your symptoms, although they did turn out to be a migraine, were cause for some concern?

I said "concern" a bit too much in that post, didn't I?

You did, but nothing to be concerned about.

Sorry that things didn't go well bant, it does seem a bit rude to block you but I guess it makes moving on better for you. The guy I went on my first date with 'mr nice' messaged me for a while after our date even though I said I wasn't interested, thought we could be friends but then just over a week ago he stopped messaging (after telling me 'always here if you need a chat') .

So after my worrying that Mr M had gone quiet before first date on Sunday. I was wrong and since then we have had date 1and date 2 on Valentines Day along with chocolates . There was a real spark and lots of kissing. Both said we wanted to see each again and we're looking forward to date 3. Lots of texting but no mention of setting a date for date 3. I have said when I'm free. He has alluded to the fact he would like a long term relationship. Now I go funny because I start to worry I'm being love bombed and also start worrying why he hadn't set date 3. Also he's been back on POF. I never understand that, it feels like herding your bets.
I think I'm really crap at online dating and definitely invest too early. Could do with advice on being significantly cooler and less stressy.

Stubborn, I haven't really voiced any concerns with him, he talks a lot about himself and his past, I can barely get a word in. He changes his mind a lot about what he wants in the future (one minute he's thinking of moving to Spain, next minute he's saying how he will never move from his house) so I don't really understand what he expects for the future. We talked about taking things slow and discussed how the distance thing is probably good as we can't rush into anything, this seemed good at the time now I'm realising that seeing someone once every couple of weeks isn't going to be enough for me and if he 'never wants to move house' then this isn't going to go anywhere as there's no chance in hell I would move to where he lives . I don't think he has a clue what he wants and he hasn't really asked me what I want.

bant your date might have been on the receiving end of nasty messages after she's said thanks but no thanks. She may well be protecting herself. Agree though, a few hours later/next day would have appeared more polite. Info definitely take some time out. Give yourself some headspace. OLD is so bloody intense. Feast/famine, rapid/snails pace. I found the whole thing exhausting. Quite enjoying the break from it.

Posted too soon. Android app is pants. By OLD we are setting ourselves up to fail occasionally, and that in itself is hard to take. You know what though? Its also brave, positive & optimistic. There isn't nearly enough of that in the world.

bant that exchange read to me that she wasnt expecting you to agree about the lack of chemistry and that she was surprised so blocked you in a fit of pique!

Lovemusic if all MrMOD talks about is himself then he isn't going to change! And he wont get any more caring if he isn't caring this early on in your relationship. You are more patient than I would be tbh

Mango it's hard to tell if it's love bombing from what you have posted. Also hard not to over invest. I think at two/three dates very early days though...too early even for a chat about exclusivity... perhaps try have a chat about online dating generally and you might pick up where he is at from that?

Bant - I agree with above. When i have said the "no spark" thing, the response i got was "Oh, that's a shame, but i wish you well". Not "yes, I agree!"

It isn't very flattering to a woman's ego...but then she has just walked all over yours!

Well from her point of view what's the point in keeping your details? She's never going to speak to you again so might as well unmatch straight away. Not quite seeing an issue here...if it was tinder would you have expected her to keep you as a match for a few days before quietly dropping you?

Heh. Sorry to disappoint her. I thought there was a possibility of a spark, next time, so would have given it a second try, but..

No, no ego-boosts from me, I'm afraid.

I think it's a bit twattish and unnecessary to block, unless of course there's good reason.

Not much point, dory, but there's a difference between removing someone from your contacts on whatsapp, and blocking them on the OD site.

I dunno. Maybe she's been harangued before.

Just leaves a slightly bitter aftertaste to the date, that's all. It went from being a pleasant enough if slightly disappointing evening, to 'what did I do to deserve blocking'

Anyway. Rule 6. I didn't do anything wrong, I was polite and honest. I left the door open a bit, she slammed it shut.

bant going by what you have said on here and how I imagine you to be, its her loss! x

bant I think sometimes people block after letting someone know 'there's no spark' as they are scared of the come back, I have had men beg for a 2nd date and made me feel guilty for not wanting to be more than just friends so sometimes maybe it's easier to block? Though I have never blocked anyone on POF.

Mr MOD has messaged again asking if he can come over tomorrow, said 'I really miss you', I messaged back telling him I'm in a meeting tomorrow morning and then I have promised the dc's that I will take them out. I don't really want him thinking I'm going to change my plans because he has suddenly become available.

Thanks blobby :)

I've done OD long enough to not expect fireworks, to screen out the dull ones, to not overinvest and to not take rejection too seriously. (Although it still smarts a bit)

And I also know what works, generally, to get a date. So I can scare up a date easily enough, I'm not bad looking, intelligent, amusing occasionally, and I try not to be a dick.

The difficulty is, finding someone who's as great (and modest) as me, who fancies me and I fancy her.

Once more unto the breach, I guess.