What kind of men use prostitutes?

[Snugglepalace]

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

The ageism is not necessary, I agree. The point is that with your long term partner you should be able to trust that they are not going to give you an STD and you would also be fully aware of their personal hygiene.

Giving unprotected oral sex to a large number of men is a risky activity, whilst also being potentially extremely unpleasant. Yet NotThe is happy to suggest that it's a suitable life choice for your daughters.

I heard a quote once, something like 'Men who go to prostitutes don't pay to have sex, they pay not to have to talk afterwards.'

Although that's kind of glib, I think there's some truth there, in that it's men that don't want to have to engage emotionally, they just want to get their end away without needing to give anything of themselves. Essentially, they're messed up and self-centred. Detached from what true intimacy means. And yes, probably the guy next door or the guy in the pub, your DH, etc.

Ford can I ask you how you deal with the morality of having sex with other people's husbands/boyfriends?

I'm not assuming every single one of your customers are in a relationship but I expect a proportion of them are.

Obviously you are not the guilty/adulterous party but do you ever take a second to think about those women?

nd I will too when my DP is 60 and I'm 66. Hopefully we'll still be actively enjoying a relationship. Or should older people stop because the idea of an aged body is unacceptable?

Yes, but you have built up a loving relationship with him.
When you have a background history and both respect eachother, then you don't see any flaws.
But it would be nigh on impossible to do that to a stranger.

I agree whatsthepoint.
Also having sex with a sixty-year old when you are also sixty is different to having sex with a sixty-year old when you are 20s/30s.

I think trying to determine what someone else finds attractive - or unattractive - about someone is impossible.

But the point is that with prostitution, attraction only matters to the punter, not the woman. Whether the punter is an adonis or a trump, what matters is that they really don't give a shit about the women really being into them, but they will sure as hell complain if the woman doesn't pretend to be into them. (Hence the "girlfriend experience", where punters pay extra for the women to try to cover up their revulsion.)

but they will sure as hell complain if the woman doesn't pretend to be into them. (Hence the "girlfriend experience", where punters pay extra for the women to try to cover up their revulsion.)

That's more to the point.
You can't tell me that a young female prostitute, in the prime of her life isn't secretly revolted by the bodies of older men she has to have sex with.
And that's not being ageist, it's purely stating facts.
She is paid to hide her revulsion and hide it well.

As a pp pointed out, when both partners are older, that's different. You are more accepting of faults and flaws.

I know 2 guys who went to prostitutes. One had lost his mum, no friends at the time and said it was loneliness. One did it on a stag do. Interestingly they both (they don't know each other) said the woman was only doing it to put herself through Uni. Do they actually believe that or us it just to make themselves feel better as they are supporting future doctors rather than the sex trade which preys on vulnerable women.

Be honest at least and say it's All About The Money

I don't disagree in some cases. I used to know a girl who was a lap dancer - I count that as sex work - and it used to really grind my gears when she would go on about having to do it to put food on the table to feed her kids. She could have taken any minimum wage job in our town, or indeed just claimed benefits, if that's what it was about. But she made a LOT of money, far more than she 'needed' to give her kids an okay standard of living, for not doing that much. I used to think she should have just owned the fact she liked the cash, rather than making out it was all she could do.

It would be a lot of high earning business men for example. Maybe no time for a wife, but still fancy some sex and/or company. Also could be men curious to do something their other half (if they have one) would not be willing to do, such as anal sex. Also many would have weird fetishes, like being urinated on, and I would think few women would normally do this - but for a working woman like that, it would be something she would be likely to do. It can be normal men who's newly divorced and need company or just a quick shag.

I had a friend who was an escort (not working in a brothel, and not forced to do it. It was simply what she wanted to do on the side of being an actress, that did not earn a lot of money yet). She would do all these things, and have those clients. She said that some were pleasant men, whilst others would not be. If anyone crossed her line, she would walk out.

I can't "judge" a brothel, because it's very difficult to know if it's a set up that the women have chosen, or if they just don't have the option of saying no, but for many escorts, it's a lifestyle choice.

Sordid, disrespectful ones tbh.

It doesn't matter if one man has a nickel to his name, doesn't work & is dependant on drugs, or another man is rich, with his own company, religious and a beautiful wife & kids...both men feel that they can pay a woman to do sexual things with them. Forget all the outer shell bollocks, they are as bad as each other. Their lifestyle may not be the same, bit their mindset is.

Diana. It's not something I dwell on. Clients generally don't say they are married/partnered and I never ask (it's like rule 1 of sex work.)

Some clients have told me that they seek out escorts because they are in a sexless marriage and don't want to risk an affair which could lead to feelings, but they don't want to leave because they still love their wives and DC. I neither believe nor disbelieve them.

I have had one guy who really slagged off his wife and I refused to see him again because it was so unpleasant to listen to.

Thank you for answering

I think that excuse of a sexless marriage is pathetic, but clearly these men have issues if they are paying for sexual intercourse.

My husband for one!

I never in a million years imagined he would do such a thing, for one thing he'll go to extreme lengths not to spend money if he doesn't have to so to find out he was paying for prostitutes (and Viagra) was a double shock.

He's a quiet, nice, sporty guy who has a regular routine, never works away, rarely goes for a night out and there was no indication that he was up to anything untowards but what I uncovered was very shocking. He'd been visiting dodgy brothels in such houses for over 6 years.

But as they say, 'the quiet ones are the worst' he was very sneaky about the whole thing, systematically buying his Viagra and visiting the brothels when I was away with the kids or on business.

Obviously I flipped out and bombarded him with a million questions so yes, things like he 'did' kiss them, he 'did' see the same one regularly, he didn't feel like it was a big misdemeanour 'because he didn't have affair',
and he had the audacity to be shocked and upset when I moved out. Oh and of course he denied it and lied until I laid the indisputable evidence in front of him.

Sorry you went through that Cougar

Another ‘happy hooker’ checking in here. And I have to say, as usual, this thread is a depressing read. So much hyperbole and misinformation (and a hefty dose of insults from a few PP…) Honestly, the way some women on MN speak about escorts is worse than what any punters say about us. Only here have I ever seen us referred to as ‘a collection of orifices’ ffs.

Anyway, to answer the OP – there’s a huge variety in clients.

My own clients range from age 19 – 90. Quite a few are disabled or elderly. A lot of them are in self-employment and trades, though I think client occupation is very area specific; I’d likely get more businessmen in the South East.

About 70% of them are married or in a relationship. Of those who are married, many of them tell me the sex has dried up at home but that they love their wife and would rather see a professional than have a potentially catastrophic and life-ruining affair.
I’ve seen men of all shapes and sizes, ethnicities and social backgrounds. All different kinds of personalities, religious beliefs, political views and careers.
The only thing they all have in common is fancying the knickers off me enough to pay me £150+ for an hour of my time

They all visit for a variety of reasons: good sex, good bjs, a decent massage with a happy ending, some companionship, a cuddle and a kiss, a chat and a coffee, and simply just being close to a woman.
Many of them are very lonely men indeed.

On the whole, they’re certainly not the monsters that some people on this thread make them out to be.
Are some of them arseholes? Sure, but not any more than in any other section of society.

I think it's still wrong to say that a 20 year old wouldn't want an old man. That's your self formed opinion, maybe they are more open minded about an individuals body and less judgemental.

Which I'd imagine you'd have to be to work in these scenarios.

And it's not unheard of for young women to be with older men. Otherwise Mick Jagger wouldn't be a new father again would he?

And who's to say I won't be seeing strangers old man dicks when I'm older. I could decide to be a swinger!

The only thing they all have in common is fancying the knickers off me enough to pay me £150+ for an hour of my time grin

And modest to boot? You sound like a delight. You do realise that in no way is a compliment from your 'clients'?

£150 is an insult if you ask me.

And just so you know you can be good at sex and blow jobs and not be a hooker. HTH

Only here have I ever seen us referred to as ‘a collection of orifices’ ffs.
Oh come off it. No one called prostitutes "a collection of orifices". They said that's how punters view prostitutes.
Actually it makes little difference to me that there are "happy hookers". I don't want a society where men think they are entitled to sex.
The fact that many prostitutes are raped, beaten, or murdered as an "occupational hazard" is another reason I hate it. I find it really odd that the prostitutes posting in here have no empathy for their colleagues going through this. It smacks of "I'm alright Jack"
There is a regular poster on FWR who is a prostitute but doesn't think prostitution as a whole is a good thing and doesn't romanticise the punters.

Brazen if your clients are in a relationship and their partners don't know they are using prostitutes then they are most definitely arseholes, as you put it.

The men who use you are not monsters, but they certainly are men who think they have a right to sex and a right to use women's bodies for that. Prostitution is not a good thing for women generally and it is definitely not good for many women involved in prostitution. I'm glad you're happy and healthy, but that doesn't affect my view of prostitution.

Brazen I was quoting indirectly from the Tumblr of punters' reviews.

I don't think any mentioned 'fancying the knickers off' their prostitutes. Quite the opposite actually, often.

Thank god the majority of mumsnet are on my wavelength or I would seriously think I had lost the plot.

The only thing they all have in common is fancying the knickers off me enough to pay me £150+ for an hour of my time

Why do you value yourself by what men are prepared to pay you for sex?

You do know that it isn't about fancying you so much as it is about you being available for a fee don't you?

The compliment of men being prepared to pay is a very empty one...