What kind of men use prostitutes?

[Snugglepalace]

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

Most of them are complaining about poor customer service and unsatisfactory goods as though they have been buying a meal in a restaurant.

I know Ford. It makes me

I am glad you have found sex work affirming but I think you could sympathise with why people read that part of it and think - 'that's as clear an expression of the oppression of women and how it is tied to the sex industry as you can really get'

Shit forgot to say: Yes a lot of arseholes contact you when you're a sex worker. They don't get to be clients. They just get derided on Twitter.

Well yeah, they don't get to be one of your clients... but they are someone's client...

I know a huge amount of women who are insecure about their body shape or a particular feature and say that they have gained confidence because their DH/DP compliments them and finds them attractive.

Surely that's more to do with the love and sense of value inherent to a committed relationship, though?

Not being seen as passable enough to be used as a collection of orifices. You only have to read that Tumblr to see that's how many 'punters' see sex workers.

I feel like this is a similar line to the 'catcalling is a compliment' argument. It's really not, it's men asserting their power over women in public spaces. But some women will say it makes them feel good.

That's up to them, I suppose, but it is quite sad. And in my opinion, yes, deluded.

Sure, I understand that.

Catcalling is never a compliment. Even as a naive 13 year old I knew that. Actually I don't think I know anyone personally who would say it was a compliment.

I do love the deriding of the arse holes on twitter BTW. I like that you clearly exercise so much control over what you do and don't do and I'm very (genuinely) pleased you find it empowering and affirming as a career.

Just doesn't change my opinions about the sex industry and it's intimate connection to gendered violence and the oppression of women or the impact on consent though!

One thing I would like to make clear though is that I strongly feel that NO WOMAN is responsible for policing men. I do not think at all that sex workers have additional responsibilities to women or men to do or not do xyz thing to tackle any of the above issues.

There are threads on here where grown women will queue up to say it is! Seriously. I can't link (clueless) but you can search if you want to see.

Shame to see Ford being questioned because her experience doesn't fit with others narrative. I've read many of her comments on other such threads and always appreciated what I feel to be a genuine viewpoint.

Of course not everyone's experience will be the same, and it's important to point that out but I think Ford has done that already herself.

OP I think that the type of men who use are any type you could come across and I believe it's probably much more common than people believe. Just google local escorts in your immediate area you will see how many there are.

I agree it doesn't matter how much Ford sugarcoats it and even if she feels safe and happy, a huge percentage of sex workers are not doing it because they want to. They are young vulnerable women and most of their clients are fully aware of this, imo. And regardless of whether these men are 'rough n ready' working class types or suit wearing and 'respectable' looking, the crux of it is most of these men couldn't give a shit about these women, Ford included!

Why not question someone?

As regards the 'narrative' it is a fact that most women in prostitution are vulnerable through abuse, drug addiction, debt or are trafficked into this country to work as slaves.it us dangerous harmful work and the men that use prostitutes should be prosecuted.

There are a few who claim prostitution is a valid career 'choice' and that they enjoy their job. I don't think the few that claim this should be heard above the many who are suffering.

Of course not everyone's experience will be the same, and it's important to point that out but I think Ford has done that already herself.

Pooky I am genuinely glad for Ford that she doesn't feel her own situation is a bad one, but one of her very first posts was to exhort us all to "listen to the voices of sex workers", because she disagreed with the stance most of us were taking. That is outright taking the stance that all sex workers' experiences will be the same. (I do listen to sex workers, btw, just not the ones Ford would like me to.)

I don't think it is problematic to question someone when their narrative is different to yours... that's how things get learned!

If there are different perspectives and mutual questioning as on this thread (bar the troll hunting) I think both sides of the narrative can benefit.

I always used to think it was old men, single men, disabled men etc.. until I read several 'punting' forums linked from the feminism part of mumsnet in discussions about this. Most of them seem to be married but unsatisfied with their sex life, or have no sex life. They sometimes get asked on threads why don't they divorce their wives but they say they love them, love their kids and actually have happier marriages as a result The woman doesn't get bothered for sex, and the man isn't grumpy with frustration. It's all so backwards. It's an 'interesting' read into the psyche of some men and how they justify it.. "it's just a service like getting your hair cut" etc. Most of the women they see are decades younger of course..

Thanks for answering that ford im really surprised shocked, never spoke to anybody in that line of work before but always wondered.

I know you say your happy & that's great but I always see St workers (I know it's a bit different) were I buy my stock its a notorious area tbh and they all look so scared, poor scruffy etc... And some look extreamly Young, it really upsets me to be honest!

I recall being in Thailand 'huge there' and seeing a nasty old bastard really treating a young prostitute awfully in a really lovely resteraunt he took her too, we were sat near & it got so bad my ex h was about to knock him out but instead he calmly gave the girl a few quid and told her to go leave him, the man was furious and it got very heated but she left only safe for one night though and I will never forget that. My ex h and myself were truly astonished how it was just ignored by everybody else accepted.

The man was vial and physically verbally aggressive in eye of everybody, she was just a young girl a kid and it's so scarey and worrying how many vulnerable people there are in danger.

So your experience is so different to my experience it's deffinatly made me think about it but I just can't 100% believe you are happy really happy I mean totally at ease with it all.

Maybe it's just me but I do worry and your safety for various reasons is a concern, as you never know for sure what that new clients going to be like and there's always a risk things could go horribly wrong.

I hope that's not the case though obviously I hope you stay safe but to me I couldn't believe that one day you wouldn't come acropper in some way or another.

Sorry for the ramble ha! It's just got my mind in overdrive.

Which men use prostitutes? The ones who can find the money to pay.

I just think that comments from her experience are useful to this discussion and don't want to see her shot down for expressing them.

Of course everyone's opinion is valid and it's important to point out opposing positions but some posters seem to want to discredit her and that didn't sit well with me. It also feels like we've swerved from discussing the men which was the original point of the post.

Panda sex work certainly isn't something that everyone can handle. Equally there are jobs I couldn't imagine why anyone would take. I couldn't be a firefighter (too scared of fire!) I don't think I could be a social worker either, I would find it far too upsetting. But I'm sure people in those professions find their jobs really rewarding, and that's how I feel about mine :)

Thanks to all those who have discussed in a rational and respectful way.

TheElephantOfSurprise, so you think all men would use prostitutes if they could afford it? Really? I think that's an overly pessimistic view.

..who was being irrational here, then, Ford?

And FWIW on an individual level I am glad that ford is making good money AND enjoying the work

What I don't understand is if it such a great job and reasonable well-paid, why are girls being kidnapped and tricked all around the world to cater to the industry?

Yes, isn't that the 64,000 dollar question?