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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What kind of men use prostitutes?

999 replies

Snugglepalace · 08/02/2017 09:51

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 10/02/2017 23:11

It's not the fault of posters on this thread that you're lazy and can't be arsed to read. The arguments have been made on both sides.

AssassinatedBeauty · 10/02/2017 23:12

It's not about people blaming prostitution for the wrongs in their lives. Why do you think that people who disagree with prostitution have wrongs in their lives?

What are the untruths about prostitution that you have identified on this thread?

HelenDenver · 10/02/2017 23:15

Eh?

I have read the whole thread. No one blamed prostitution for the wrongs in their lives.

Are you, by any chance, on glue?

Havesomecake · 10/02/2017 23:18

I have been a sex worker in the past, for 12 years. My experiences were pretty bad, and I do think it caused me more trauma , I certainly never found it empowering after the first year or so anyway. The only good thing about it was the money and the way money can be made quickly and flexibly I'd say its more a way of earning than a job, a bit like shoplifting. I did encounter violence a few times one bad time although most weren't violent and some were what id describe as benign some even personable , but there are plenty , plenty of pigs about who hate women and treat you like shit. I had threats even from agencies. I worked indoors, most of those I met and knew including myself in that , have some problems past or present, serious trauma , homelessness , debt, addictions, abuse, poverty , health problems especially those too Ill to do a 'normal' job but denied ESA benefits, struggling single parents. Im not saying we were all forced, i met a few who were happy, but many or most where it is a hobsons choice, a choice between a few grim options prostitution being one. I think there are a lot of sides to this, I hated it in a very visceral way and in the end I took a breakdown because my body and mind just stopped being able to do it anymore. I suffered a form of PTSD during and after and I was always scared of something happening like what happened to Jessica McGraa last year, always watching my back, enduring parronising insults and abusive boundary pushing not to mention the recoiling inside just due to the fact i was only consenting due to needing the cash whilst trying to put on a brave face , the risk of stis i got herpes from my first ever job despite protection but thankfully nothing else although oral without protection is commonplace, feeling like an outsider .. the list goes on
And I've been away for a couple years but still fear the possible future day where financial needs makes me have to go there again , I hope that never happens, but in a way I would be glad of the option being there, although again it would be completely a Hobson's choice and down to the myriad of poverty reasons and a last resort.

I always find it strange that it always comes back to the sex workers choices , even on a thread titled what kind of men use prostitutes!! if someone who hasn't experience of sex work wants to know how about 1/3 (estimation based on experience) of the men who use prostitutes really view it , I'd suggest visiting the cesspit which is the ukpunting site and read from the horses mouth how some clients minds work, its an eye opener for sure.

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 23:18

I read half, got bored

Probably not the thread for you then.

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 23:20

Have I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences Flowers you sound very strong.

Ukpunters? Is that a website?

venusinscorpio · 10/02/2017 23:22

I think it's an online punter forum such as the one quoted from in the Invisible Men Project linked to earlier.

Offred · 10/02/2017 23:23

Have Flowers

Yeah punternet is a thing. It is where those views PP posted earlier are lifted from I think.

venusinscorpio · 10/02/2017 23:23

Have Flowers

venusinscorpio · 10/02/2017 23:23

Absolutely not judging you.

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 23:24

I am so shocked at that website I could cry.

Offred · 10/02/2017 23:25

And can I say your post have is important to me to read. Having been diagnosed with MS and being exactly that category of 'too ill to work not sick enough to claim' and having found my thoughts wandering to sex work as a possible option of late... despite my feelings about the industry...

I needed to read that, I hope you know it helps me to have seen it (and probably others).

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 23:26

I can't believe men write this shit.

I'm so fucking ANGRY! Angry

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 23:27

Offred Flowers I don't know if you mentioned your diagnosis earlier on, but That is fucking dreadful.

venusinscorpio · 10/02/2017 23:29

Offred, so sorry to hear that Flowers

Offred · 10/02/2017 23:30

It is what it is! But mainly it is why I am strongly for supporting women who do sex work. Despite objecting to the industry. Thoughts have occurred frequently recently that it is probably the only way I am ever going to own a house or a car TBH.

HelenDenver · 10/02/2017 23:31

Sorry for your experiences, Have Flowers

HelenDenver · 10/02/2017 23:31

And look after yourself, Offred Flowers

Havesomecake · 10/02/2017 23:36

I think there is far too much conjecture and smoke-screening around the sex industry, I hope that doesn't sound rude, but its not clear cut. Having been there I can see points on both sides. If you need money desperately enough you can make money fast and do meet a lot of strong and resilient people in sex work . but its damaging and dangerous and in the end it burns you out. Imo anyway, its very complex. That's why I mentioned that site, because it gives a glimpse into the shit sex workers have to deal with day in day out , a lot of clients act like the men on there, and that is why its demoralising, it's at best putting up with being treated that way often, for money

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 23:39

I'm so shocked by that website. Truely floored. I don't know if I'm just naive but fuck me it's awful.

Offred · 10/02/2017 23:45

It is awful but I think it is really important to remember it is punters showing off to each other and whilst it fairly accurately represents male entitlement, there are plenty of lovely men who would be equally appalled by it (for the right reasons).

SleepingTiger · 10/02/2017 23:47

whilst it fairly accurately represents male entitlement, there are plenty of lovely men who would be equally appalled by it (for the right reasons).

That does not make sense.

AssassinatedBeauty · 10/02/2017 23:48

Yes it does.

SleepingTiger · 10/02/2017 23:49

Neither does trawling a website called Punterlink which looks to me to be representative of about 0.01% of the adult sex industry and something from around 1997.

There are bigger battles.

AssassinatedBeauty · 10/02/2017 23:50

Such as?