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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What kind of men use prostitutes?

999 replies

Snugglepalace · 08/02/2017 09:51

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

OP posts:

HorridHenryrule · 10/02/2017 13:28

When you put it like that Diana it does send shivers down my spine.

Offred · 10/02/2017 13:41

But can you see why that makes me think you may be just one of the women who, having suffered a life of oppression and abuse from men, has internalised a message that men can't help abusing women, it is just part of being a man.

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 13:44

Horrid I have come to realise some quite frightening things since being on this thread too.

I always hated the sex industry and its power but I could never understand/word it exactly why.

Offred · 10/02/2017 13:45

If you engage with the idea that abuse of women is not simply a part of being a man but a culture which can be changed then you have to accept that at least on some level men who abuse women choose to do it. Which is not nice.

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 13:46

Offred if that is the case then berating isn't the answer. There is always time to learn and change our minds in this world, and if Horrid has suffered and believes that the way men behave is to be accepted, she can always change that.

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 13:47

I for one have definitely had an education from this thread.

Offred · 10/02/2017 13:51

I don't think I was berating her!!

She was berating other posters for apparently judging women who do sex work!

HorridHenryrule · 10/02/2017 13:51

Your right I watched my mum go through it. I don't want to go to deep into my past but I don't condone men buying sex women have it hard it's tough and people need to live.

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 13:52

No no sorry Offred I wasn't saying you specifically, it's just some people have been quite mean (I can think of one particular person..) I should have worded that better but I see how it looks

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 13:54

Horrid I think the problem is that a few 'privileged' (for want of a better word) prositutes who CHOOSE that lifestyle have come on the thread and defended their 'profession'. The problem is that NO ONE should have to resort to selling their body to live. Ever.

Offred · 10/02/2017 13:55

Yeah, they do! I think that's the thing though. You can't separate the sex industry from the oppression of women. Prostitution does represent a way of gaining financial security for women. Solving the issues with the culture of masculinity and the economic and sexual oppression of women just solves many of the issues around the sex industry. I don't think you can talk about the sex industry at all without talking about sexism.

Offred · 10/02/2017 13:58

I've been passed around and abused by virtually every man I've ever met! I refuse to accept that the behaviour is anything other than the culture of masculinity though. Men are not inherently better or worse than women. We are all humans and we all have an interest in equality.

Elendon · 10/02/2017 13:59

Your right I watched my mum go through it. I don't want to go to deep into my past but I don't condone men buying sex women have it hard it's tough and people need to live.

You watched your mother, presumably forced into sex work for money to live, bring scum into you and your mother's home. Condemn those men. They used her because they hated her and knew she was vulnerable.

Her worth is more as a human being.

HorridHenryrule · 10/02/2017 13:59

In an ideal world but if there's no money or supportive people around you. People use it to pay bills and rent. Know one should do it but unfortunately we don't live in that world. If their were no men then there would be no prostitution.

Offred · 10/02/2017 14:01

But I think what I am trying to say is that a lot of the reasons why women have no financial security are the same reasons why men want to buy sex - male entitlement and the culture of masculinity.

HorridHenryrule · 10/02/2017 14:02

Elendon she said abuse women my dad was a transvestite. He wanted her to walk around looking like a man. Anymore questions.

Elendon · 10/02/2017 14:02

There are plenty of good men on this planet who abhor such actions of their sex and think the women who do it are not to be condemned in any way.

Condemnation of bad acts is perfectly acceptable. We pass judgements on such actions every day.

DianaMemorialJam · 10/02/2017 14:03

I've been passed around and abused by virtually every man I've ever met! I refuse to accept that the behaviour is anything other than the culture of masculinity though. Men are not inherently better or worse than women. We are all humans and we all have an interest in equality.

I'm so sorry that has happened to you

That is exactly it. Men are just conditioned with thoughts like 'I couldn't help it/it's not my fault because I'm male'

HorridHenryrule · 10/02/2017 14:03

My dad told my partner that my mum was a virgin when he met her. How should I process that.

Elendon · 10/02/2017 14:04

Sorry Henry you've lost me. This is a thread about the type of men who use sex workers and to pass judgement on them.

It isn't about judgement on women.

Offred · 10/02/2017 14:05

Henry -

Please don't feel pushed into sharing more than you are comfortable with.

I think it sounds as if your dad was a very abusive (and bad) person.

HorridHenryrule · 10/02/2017 14:06

Is it okay for a man to think like that about his daughter and talk about her like that.

Elendon · 10/02/2017 14:08

Henry you process that by passing a judgement on your father. Your mother has nothing to do with it.

Offred

You do need to judge those men who did that and realise that there are men out there who wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. It's perfectly ok to do this and still accept that men and women are human.

Though I think women are more human than men and it's men who need to catch up on this, oh so unique, concept.

Offred · 10/02/2017 14:09

No, it's not ok.

But it also isn't because he is a man. It is because he is an abusive man.

There are lots of ways that society enables abuse but people have to be held responsible for their bad behaviour nevertheless.

HorridHenryrule · 10/02/2017 14:10

Don't tell me what to think I watched it not you. My son is 2 years old and she still hasn't seen him.

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