What kind of men use prostitutes?

[Snugglepalace]

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

How many of you scrolled the internet last night to further your knowledge about this subject? To see if there are any ways you can help the ladies who need help to escape their awfully sad abusive lives? Can you volunteer at a shelter? Can you work in the local rape crisis centre? Domestic abuse shelter? Sex workers unit? How can YOU as a person help out?

You know, queenoftarts, that the women I see accused of being "SWERFS", or who are accused of "whorephobia", are inevitably the women who also volunteer at Rape Crisis, set up women's services and fundraise for them, and so on. There's already women on it, constantly supporting other women. I've done my bit, too. Perhaps you could do your bit by not declaring that there isn't a problem, and that everything in the prostitution world is hunky-dory?

queen do you think you're on some sort of moral high ground? People on this thread have tried to be understanding of you and have listened to you but your last pose was plain rude.

I believe you said earlier in the thread you are 48 years old?

You are the same age as my mum. All I think about when I see your posts is if my mum was doing something like this and how worried for her I would be.

Don't you understand the hatred towards the sex industry ISNT aimed at you specifically, but the men who believe it is their right to access such things and the small group of men who, I think you would agree, could take advantage/hurt/rape sex workers?

You do what you do. It's your decision. But like I, and others before have said, it would only take one cunty bloke to fuck you over.

I wasn't going to say this, as it sounds a bit holier than thou and it's not what this thread's about. But since you mention it, I'm part of a volunteering 'circle' who work with lots of different marginalised groups - refugees, care leavers, DV victims, ex offenders and sometimes sex workers. We have a kind of mobile 'soup kitchen' - that's one of the things people know us for! - and often end up giving street sex workers hot drinks, soup, condoms, toothbrushes and paste, clean knickers and tights and gloves to try and keep warm. They can also charge their phones in the van. We used to give out clean needles but aren't allowed to anymore.

So I do try and do my bit. I hope I help the girls on the streets in some small way. IME the vast majority of them spent time in the care system - which is my day job - so I feel a bit responsible, sorry if that sounds silly!

Shout that doesn't sound silly at all.

Admittedly I haven't done an awful lot in my time. Voluntary wise I did voluntary work with children who have disabilities before having kids, and I helped out an acquaintance who had her flat set on fire by her ex. But not a lot tbh. So you win queen.

I have been working with women in the sex industry. some are still involved, some trying to get out and some fully exited. They have been in street prostitution, seeing punters on their own homes, in brothels,involved through escort agencies and some are independents.

All have experienced violence, all have had punters 'push' boundaries and a few have had punters try to kill them. That includes the women working independently. One woman had seen a regular for years , trusted him and thought he was a decent guy. one meeting he strangled her. She came to with him fucking her. As she said, the veneer of control cracked.

Of course their experiences may not be the same as every single other woman involved in the sex industry but common threads connect them. Do we base policies and approaches on those who say it is all fine or do we look to the needs of those who are more deeply affected?

I was with one woman today and she was horrified that anyone would call her a sex worker. That is not a term she would ever use to describe what she had to and was really upset that someone (sex work activists) would try to speak on her behalf. She clearly does not see it as a job, a form of work. She sees it as violence and abuse. Is she wrong in that?

I also work with a very vocal activist who frequently in public talks about how great escorting is for her, how empowered she feels, how much money she makes. Out of public view she talks about how it really has impacted on her, how she struggles with it and desperately wants out but feels her 'happy hooker' (her choice of words, not mine) would totally disown her if she shared the actual reality of what it is like.

queen you can happily accuse me of not doing enough. I support various organisations financially, I was a secondary school teacher for over a decade where I'd like to think I've done some good via pshce and similar work. I could do more practical stuff, I've not done any volunteer work - I won't be able to for a while as I've got a small baby at the moment and a young child.

weeonion - so she's trying to convince herself, as well as others?

You never hear of women paying for sex - even though orgasm is less likely to happen for them.

Not strictly true...
Ah, here comes the "women do it too so it's fine" bullshit

A new academic study has been launched into women who buy sexual services.
Why would anyone have a vested interesting in proving why women do it too I wonder? What groups could be behind this? Hmmmmm.....

The study showed that there were 5,246 male escort profiles and 11,056 female escort profiles in 2010, compared to the 15,732 male profiles and 28,614 female now.
Nice heteronormative spin you put on these figures. It says nothing about who bought the sex and as it's overwhelmingly men who buy sex I think it'll be gay men using male prostitutes.

I feel silly for justifying myself now though, as front line work with sex workers is not a prerequisite for holding the opinion that prostitution is not beneficial for society.

I don't agree with FGM, for example (obviously - I hope no one here would defend that). But I don't go around trying to stop the cutting in action, nor do I treat or counsel the girls who have been cut, because that's not my area of expertise or experience.

I can however open discussion about the issue and lobby for education and awareness of FGM from the government, because I believe a fundamental part of governing a society is protecting those who are vulnerable. I think that's just as important.

Shouted - I dont think she is trying to convince herself any longer but certainly has a role in continuing to promote it as a form of empowerment. She has said that if someone is abused or affected, then they have to take responsibility for that but will not lay that on punters. In private she regrets that.

It's a women's study from the University of Lancaster actually Devi asking questions to women who pay for sex.

So the numbers of males escorts are straight Ines involved in consent to women.

There a link to the study attached on my post if you'd take the time to read it rather than just attack the post. There are numerous reasons for the study, safety of women being one.

The statement was you never hear of women buying sex. And the reply was not true, so much so that there is a study into why straight male escorts have tripled in numbers in those 5 years.

Blanket statements all the way through his thread.

*So the numbers are of straight male escorts who

Queen - I volunteered with CAB and the NHS with a specialist knowledge of DA in both until recently when my DD started having (massive) problems and I was diagnosed with MS which has left me ill, struggling to walk, think and stay awake, floored and suicidal.

I do not need to justify myself to you or to anyone else though. And you can fuck the fuck off with your deeply unpleasant entitlement...

Lemon - it doesn't actually change the reality that straight male escorts still mainly provide sexual services to men.

Of course there are women who use them. Of course it is interesting that women using male prostitutes appears to be increasing.

But it is also more than a little facetious to claim those facts and studies mean that women using male sex workers is a statistically significant Proportion of the 'market'.

It is the same as all the 'oh but some women commit violent crime/DA' arguments... yes they do but globally violence of all kinds remains a gendered issue. The fact that it is a gendered issue does not say or imply women can never be violent or abusive.

IneedmoreLemonPledge there was nothing in your link I could find about the numbers you mention. Just an overview of the research.

A massive increase in women paying for sex is worrying and in no way an argument for supporting prostitution.

What assassin said. Actually your link is quite odd, the latest news and blogs bit is totally irrelevant. It's not filling me with confidence about the quality of the research

28 people they have spoken to so far.

Earlier they said they had spoken to 21 sex workers.

They expanded to include female customers and swingers clubs.

Some of the early findings seem to be that women are interested in control of the sexual interaction (rather than the sex being to service the man) and 'discretion' and that women often go with their partner.

it is nevertheless an interesting research project which is in the early stages.

Thanks offred. I couldn't find a link on that site.

Did anyone watch the ch4 thing about heterosexual male escorts?

Basically focused on gentlemen4hire - largest straight male escort agency.

Quite a few men going into it thinking 'great get paid for sex' when they couldn't find other work and having to accept that to make money they needed to provide sexual services to men as there wasn't enough demand from women.

I'll look it up on 4od, sounds intriguing

Sex diaries - the 'gigolos' episode

Who said that I was using the numbers to support prostitution from a women's point of view??

The statement was you never hear of women buying sex. Well, here's a study into the increasing numbers of women buying sex. So stop making sweeping statements. There are women who buy sex. It might not fit comfortably into an argument, but they exist.

The numbers are clearly stated in their research as Escorts providing services to women.

They made several press releases on the study. On their face book page they stated that the Mirror stuck to their version of the press release...

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/news/uk/article4447630.ece

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/more-women-ever-paying-sex-5733702

Even an article on a male brothel..

https://www.google.ch/amp/m.ndtv.com/world-news/new-zealand-to-have-its-first-male-brothel-for-female-clients-425986%3Famp%3D1%26akamai-rum%3Doff

Like I said, I haven't said a word as to what's right or wrong. It's an interesting thread with thoughtful posters on lots of sides of an argument. But people need to stop generalising, and forming hysterical opinions backed up with no facts. They also need to stop making personal attacks on posters giving genuine experiences as an answer to the original question.

IneedmoreLemonPledge the link you gave took me to a very limited site with no specific information, just overviews of what the research is about. I can't work out where to look to find the numbers you mentioned.

Try reading the press releases linked below.