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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What kind of men use prostitutes?

999 replies

Snugglepalace · 08/02/2017 09:51

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

OP posts:
sassandfaff · 09/02/2017 15:22

I'm going to go against the grain here, and judge the prostitutes. Not the forced, coerced, trafficked ones, but the indie, self confessed happy hooked ones.
I've read this thread in one sitting and the thing that jumped out at me is, some have mentioned helping the vulnerable and even advocated preaching to their own clients about not using trafficked woman.
However, each one has prided them self on being indie, on being strong and being in charge of their client list. You are basically a happy hooked because you have the means to weed out the tossers.
Where do you think these tossers go?

They go to the vulnerable.
If I was a vulnerable prostitute, I would probably hate you. Seeing you in your nice clothes, with a nice home and a car, doing the same job as me but being paid vastly more, and at the same time denying my experience as the 'true' experience whilst simultaneously convincing the world that it's a choice and fun.

In those terms, I find it abhorrent on your justifications.

HorridHenryrule · 09/02/2017 15:24

No not really the woman always has a choice Sparrow. They don't get automatic right to choose anus, mouth or vagina.

TFPsa · 09/02/2017 15:26

@TheSparrowhawk - don't get me wrong, I don't especially 'like' the idea, I wouldn't do it myself and would tend to advise a friend or whatever from going down that route, but would it appall me enough to really pass judgement on it from my high horse, certainly not.

CaraAspen · 09/02/2017 15:26

"Brazenhussy0

Cara, Most of them would not have the skills to go to university.

For what it's worth, I'm currently on my second stint at university now. First one was a joint History and Philosophy Ma, second one is a Bsc in Earth Science.

To be fair though, I did quit the first degree after its second year when I realised it would only really lead to more soul destroying admin work or, potentially, teaching.

There are a lot of very bright, well-educated and driven women in the sex industry."

Hmmmmmmm. If you say so. I don't think it's right or nice to sell your body. It is a repulsive concept, frankly. I think it must take a "special" sort of individual to even consider doing it. Yuck

venusinscorpio · 09/02/2017 15:26

They are paying for whatever access she offers. I'm finding it hard to believe you are really as obtuse as you seem.

DianaMemorialJam · 09/02/2017 15:27

Horrid you completely missed the point of sparrows post. Her point is that you CANT create intimacy artificially, therefore the payment is for 'use' of those organs, whether it be one of them or all of them. And no, you're Not in control if you have told a man no and they decide they don't want to leave.

TheSparrowhawk · 09/02/2017 15:27

'No not really the woman always has a choice Sparrow. They don't get automatic right to choose anus, mouth or vagina.'

What I meant was Horrid, that the man is paying for access to the womans vagina OR mouth OR anus, depending on what's been agreed. Hmm

That said, if a woman doesn't want to do something and the man decides that actually he's paying and he'll decide what's happening then he can go ahead and just hold her down and do it anyway.

CaraAspen · 09/02/2017 15:28

Horrid:

"Know one has to know."
Something tells me you have not been to university...

TheSparrowhawk · 09/02/2017 15:28

'@TheSparrowhawk - don't get me wrong, I don't especially 'like' the idea, I wouldn't do it myself and would tend to advise a friend or whatever from going down that route, but would it appall me enough to really pass judgement on it from my high horse, certainly not.'

So it wouldn't appall you if your daughter was one of the women who selling use of her body to these men?

lottieandmia · 09/02/2017 15:30

An ex of mine admitted to using prostitutes. The way he spoke about them was not nice. And says far more about him ...

HorridHenryrule · 09/02/2017 15:30

I only picked at some of her post that was all the intimacy part is right. Sparrow a woman does have a choice to walk out the door if they are not happy with it surely.

DianaMemorialJam · 09/02/2017 15:32

Horrid are you serious? You REALLY can't envisage a situation in which a man pays for sex, woman changes her mind and he decides he's going to do it anyway? REALLY?! What world are you living in?

venusinscorpio · 09/02/2017 15:32

You obviously didn't understand her post. Or were being deliberately goady. One or the other.

HorridHenryrule · 09/02/2017 15:33

Lottie I think that's why a lot of women in this industry find it hard to hold down a relationship. It would taint your view of men in general.

venusinscorpio · 09/02/2017 15:36

She can leave, but he might not let her. He might feel he can take what he wants.

If she isn't free to choose as many prostitutes aren't, either directly coerced and exploited by another person, or indirectly by needing the money for drugs, rent etc, she might not be able to tell him no.

Purplebluebird · 09/02/2017 15:37

What about when wealthy men pay for a date?.... No sex, just going to a restaurant together for a drink, meal and a chat. This happens too, I know my escort friend said she was given £400 to sit in the pub and go for a walk with a lonely businessman, who had no family. Is this revolting and disgusting too?

HorridHenryrule · 09/02/2017 15:37

it's so easy to call someone goady isn't it. She missed my point.

TheSparrowhawk · 09/02/2017 15:37

'Sparrow a woman does have a choice to walk out the door if they are not happy with it surely.'

She has a choice only if the man will let her, so that's not really a choice is it?

ShoutOutToMyEx · 09/02/2017 15:37

Something tells me you have not been to university.

Maybe it doesn't matter? After all, you apparently went to a very prestigious university, but I've never seen you contribute anything of value to any discussion.

DianaMemorialJam · 09/02/2017 15:40

Shout 👏🏻

cara you just got served...

TheSparrowhawk · 09/02/2017 15:40

'Is this revolting and disgusting too?'

There is ONE poster who's saying prostitution is revolting and disgusting.

TBH I find the idea of someone paying another person to pretend to be their friend just odd and sad. It's still the case though that that situation is dangerous for a woman - if the man takes a liking to her and decides that actually he wants the lovely date to end with sex she might not be able to get away.

HorridHenryrule · 09/02/2017 15:40

I am the one who is being goady. Escorts have no control that is new to me.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 09/02/2017 15:41

None of my clients have any power over me, at all

I feel like the act of paying gives the power though. Same in any transactional encounter, even in shops and restaurants - the purchaser holds the power.

TheSparrowhawk · 09/02/2017 15:42

'I am the one who is being goady. Escorts have no control that is new to me.'

I'm wondering if you actually understand English Horrid. Do you understand what's being said? Do you understand that if a man decides he wants to go ahead and do what he wants that the escort could well be trapped and end up being raped?

HorridHenryrule · 09/02/2017 15:42

Sparrow I get what your saying about the risks.