What kind of men use prostitutes?

[Snugglepalace]

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

Paid for consent is a form of coerced consent which is not something I agree with.

Consent to me means freely given consent, free from any coercion (included financial coercion), any sense of obligation, pressure or fear, between equals who are capable of understanding what consent means.

Prostitution is not a job. It's not like any kind of paid employment, it cannot be due to the nature of what's involved. Punters are buying access to use women's bodies for sexual gratification.

surely having sex with a prostitute is cheating, lying and betraying (assuming the wife/girlfriend doesn't know and would be unhappy about it

According to queenoftarts, most of her 'clients' are normal married men who love their wives and would be happy for their wives to also visit prostitutes if it 'enriched their lives,'

Funny how they say this, but never end up telling their wives they visit prostitutes. The only time the wives (or girlfriends) find out is when they're caught.
If there's really nothing wrong with it, why not tell her?
If you have to skulk around behind your partner's back in order to do something, then you know on some level that what you're doing is not right, and contrary to what you try and tell yourself, you are NOT a loving husband and family man.

If you were, you would be more open about it, so your wife can do the same?

Forgive me if I've misunderstood, but it sounds like most people posting here (myself included) would see sex as something you do with someone you have some kind of emotional connection with or attraction to. (Leaving aside the 'morality' argument.) Whereas from your posts, Brazen, this does not seem to be a requirement for you? Fair enough. Is this influencing the 'buying consent' issue. Or is it that allowing someone to pay for the use of your body leads to a wider attitude that anyone should allow this, therefore again letting men think of women's bodies as commodities?

Morgan ^ exactly!

Brazen, most prostitutes are not in your happy situation of being fully in charge.

They have been trafficked and beaten, their passports taken away, and the money goes to the pimps, and the consent is between the pimp and the customer (You can rape this woman for £50)

It is not a happy world where the women are in charge. If it was, I'd have no objection.

Not all men who have sex rape women, does your husband /partner rape you?

thequeenoftarts - you seriously just pulled the #NotAllMen argument? Seriously?

You seem absolutely hellbent on painting your relatively privileged position as the norm. I'm not buying it.

Perhaps it's the kind that think woman are free to do what they want with their own body. dare I say feminists

I've heard it all now.

Not everything a woman chooses to do is feminist.

Choice is affected by external factors, attitudes and limitations.

I can't believe it's 2017 and this is still having to be explained to people

I see sex as something you do with another adult who wants to, based on my definition of consent i gave earlier. You might have an emotional connection, or a physical attraction or just both fancy a shag.

The issue I have with paid consent is the wider issue of it making women's bodies into a commodity and the attitudes that engenders towards women in society.

Gosh - I think everyone needs to see everyone else's point of view even if they don't understand it. And stop trying to put square pegs into round holes.

Prostitution is "the oldest profession" - it has been around a long time, and it appears in many different ways. I think the working girls that have appeared on this thread are mainly independent escorts, which are very much a different "breed" (for want of a better word). Their views are going to be completely different compared to that of a street worker or one that works in a brothel. I think a lot of people views on prostitution stem from the horrid part of prostitution where girls have pimps/trafficked/street workers/ drug addicts etc. But it is all not like that.

As regard to consent, I think that sometimes you have to just accept that you don't understand someone's point of view.

Thank you for your post, Fritz. That's what I mean. It's not a morality thing.

Screw every guy you meet, if that's what you want to do; I don't care. I do care that consent is freely and willingly given by both parties.

And if I judge anyone morally, it's men who think their money overrides the willingness, or not, of the woman their dick is in. Not you, Brazen.

Funny how it's almost entirely women 'making the choice' to be prostitutes and almost entire men 'making the choice' to use prostitutes, isn't it? Is that just a coincidence?

Also there is a lot of "majority" of women in prostitution being flung about etc. Any data you can find online about it I wouldn't trust with a barge pole........ It's impossible to get accurate data on how many prostitutes are working in illegal brothels compared to being trafficked or working for an agency.

Sparrow I was going to say the same thing

Plenty of women are lonely/in unhappy marriages/ rubbish at relationships, but the majority of them don't resort to trying to buy time with a man's penis.

Funny that.

Excuses, excuses.

I have no intentions of drowning anyone else's voices out, all I ask is that you accept mine is there also and as a 48 year old woman I am perfectly capable of making my own choices, without needing to be threatened, bullied or coerced into doing so. In some ways you ladies are as bad as the punters you dislike so much, you have no room in your heads to accept there are other views and choices, it must be your way or no way at all

thequeenoftarts except this isn't quite true, is it? The first sex worker to post on this thread, Ford, exhorted us all to "listen to the voices of sex workers", completely ignoring the fact that many of us already had listened to the voices of sex workers, and that's why we were against prostitution. And then the rest of you come on, saying "no, it's not terrible at all, I love it and it's pays my morgage! Choosey choice!"

Many of us have already said, repeatedly, that we accept your narrative that - for you - it's fine, even when we don't understand it (or as in the case of Ford, even when her social media accounts give a rather different picture). But when some of us here say, no, prostitution is is an absolute bloody living nightmare for far too many women in it, and your response is to rush in saying "BUT I'M FINE", when you are in a position of relative privilege to the women we are talking about, then it's you who cannot accept that your reality is not the only reality for women in prostitution.

And really - women on a parenting forum who disagree with you in a discussion about the global state of women in prostitution are "as bad as" men who rape women for money? Really? This is your comparison?

The thing is Diana, I do think there are a proportion of women who would buy sex with men, if it were a safe thing to do. But the fact is that it's not safe for women to pay men for sex and it's not safe for women to be paid for sex. Heck, it's not safe for women to just live their lives - 85,000 women in the UK are raped every year just going about their business.

I think the working girls that have appeared on this thread are mainly independent escorts, which are very much a different "breed" (for want of a better word).

I think this is true, Iusedtobeone. And what has made me really frustrated in this discussion is the refusal of some of the independent escorts to acknowledge that their experiences aren't every woman's experience in prostitution.

85000? Fucking hell. I did not know this statistic.

That's just reported rapes Diana. The actual number of rapes is likely to be far higher than that.

Assholes. They come from all walks of life.

I find it absolutely bizarre that in a society advises women not to walk home alone late at night, not to get too drunk, not to wear 'provocative' clothes and other such bullshit, there are people who will, with a straight face, argue that it's perfectly fine for women to go into a room alone with a strange man whose only goal is to get what he wants sexually. They'll even argue that that's fulfilling.

Of course, it's not bizarre really because in actual fact it all boils down to one principle: men can and should get what they want, women don't really matter.

Iused, what percentage of prostitutes being trafficked/vulnerable/desperate is acceptable? Maybe 80% of prostitutes are like you, or even 90%, choosing to do it because they're happy to. That's still too many who are not, and what you're doing/did contributes to the problem. Not to mention that even if all prostitutes were happy and choosing freely to do it, I'd still have an issue with prostitution due to the attitude towards women it encourages.

To return to a point I made earlier about vulnerability - when a woman has sex she is hugely vulnerable. A person is inserting their body parts into the most sensitive parts of her body. The potential for injury, disease, discomfort and fear is huge. Of course when it's with someone you love and trust, it's fun and if things aren't going well you can just say stop and they'll stop - so the vulnerability isn't an issue. But when you're with someone that you don't know, even if that person is kind and gentle, the potential for them to hurt you in a large number of different ways in huge. For one thing they have no idea what you like and don't like so they might go ahead and do something you find really uncomfortable or offputting. If they're paying you, chances are you'll just let it happen. Doing that often enough (and that's on the really mild end of the scale as regards things that can happen) can totally fuck you up mentally and entirely damage your ability to have a normal, enjoyable sex life. Of course, the more real and immediate danger is that you ask them to stop and they hold you down and continue no matter how much you protest.

Prostitution as a PROFESSION?

Hahahaha

Tacksville.

You also have to think about the kind of man who pays a woman to have sex. Is he likely to care much about what the woman wants? Is he likely to be gentle and caring?

What if half way through you start to feel ill/sick or something? In any other job if you feel unwell, or you no longer want to do the job you can walk away at any point (obviously if you just walked out of work mid shift you would be in trouble, but you still can). But in a room alone with a man who has his penis inside you... Are you ALLOWED to say 'stop'? Because if you would have to carry on even if you didn't want to 'for the punter' so that he comes back again as you don't want to lose the custom... That is not consent.