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Original poster

What kind of men use prostitutes?

999 replies

Snugglepalace · 08/02/2017 09:51

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 23:14

Me neither. Or the men who create the market, run it and buy sex.

SpartacusWoman · 08/02/2017 23:20

The link to reviews of sex workers from men who have purchased consent are hard to read but shows how some of the men who purchase consent view the women.

Many describe actions of women who clearly do not want to be there having sex with them, flinching when the bloke tries to kiss them, being distant, saying the man is hurting them and asking to stop, having to be "talked into" certain sex acts, even crying, one bloke describes being angry at the woman running to the driver in tears because she can't take anymore as he was being so rough and was in a lot of pain and that he didn't get his money's worth, rather than than the bloke think "oh maybe she doesn't want this, I'll leave" they've gone ahead and "battered away" anyway because they want their money's worth.

Not one of those reviews I read are respectful, with many of them being angry that the women didn't pretend enough for the man. Lots if them insist they are kind men, if you have to mention you're kind then you're probably not. It would be interesting to read reviews of the men's treatment of the women from the woman they've purchased consent from.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 08/02/2017 23:23

Yes exactly, there are people who enjoy doing lots of things that aren't beneficial to society as a whole. No one's denying you feel positively about your sex work.

The whole thing about legalising prostitution - I don't know. I'm happy it's safer for the girls and women in legal brothels of course, but what about the ones in illegal brothels and on the streets? And there still will be women working in those places. Plus ca change for them.

Plus I think my point upthread still stands - in order for sex workers to be brought into line with other professionals coming into contact with bodily fluids they'd have to wear gloves, masks etc, which just isn't going to happen is it.

Iusedtobeone · 08/02/2017 23:27

Hello - I have name changed, but am a regular poster. I have been a sex worker, and did so for over 2 years in central London. I was an "indie" - no pimps. Haven't worked for over 5 years - but am happy to answer any questions/relay my experiences if you wish.

I however do not want to be demonised for my previous life choices!

Ask away and I will give you my prospective....

ShoutOutToMyEx · 08/02/2017 23:32

Iused, did/do your experiences as a sex worker affect your relationships with men?

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/02/2017 23:40

What kind of men used you? Was it a wide range?

Iusedtobeone · 08/02/2017 23:40

Shout - I didn't think it did at the time, but yes it has. I wasn't in a relationship or looking for one whilst I was working, but unfortunately my only relationship since has failed. It failed for many different reasons, and my past definitely wasn't the main reason, but it did factor in the failure of the relationship.

I don't think I will ever be loved up again, which is sad as I am only in my mid 30's, but I can't take the risk. I can't have a relationship with someone and spend the rest of my life with someone without being trueful about my life and my past. It would be living a lie and I can't do that.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2017 23:43

In answer to the op's question, according to my exDP, every kind of man. Young, old, married, single. All of them. In their kind of work it was absolutely normal and acceptable.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 08/02/2017 23:45

I hope you find someone who changes your mind, IUsed.

For what it's worth, and please do feel free to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, but I don't think you should have to tell anyone about your past if you don't want to - it's in the past. DP certainly doesn't know my entire sexual history and nor does he have a right to.

Someone once told me all the cells in our body regenerate every 7 years anyway, so some point soon you'll be an entirely new person. I always find that a weirdly hopeful prospect.

Wishing you love, luck and light for the future.

whatsthepointofmorgan · 08/02/2017 23:50

And it's not unheard of for young women to be with older men. Otherwise Mick Jagger wouldn't be a new father again would he?

ffs.

a) he's famous
b) he's rich.

Iusedtobeone · 08/02/2017 23:53

Assassinated - loads of different men! Mostly 40+, my eldest was 76 (and he was really pleasant).

I had quite a lot of repeat custom, so I guess I was quite lucky in a way. I wasn't risking seeing loads of new blokes and the repeats would book me for longer often.

I would only see max of 2 clients a day usually if they were 1 hr bookings. Or if longer then just one.

My main income was from managers/directors who worked in London during the week and lived elsewhere. I had 3/4 clients for an extended period like that. They were good company, would take me out for dinner etc and then we'd shag. It's wasn't horrible. we got along, were on same wavelength and didn't look like we were punter/escort whilst having dinner etc! They also looked out for me- made sure I was put in a taxi etc etc. in a way it became more friendships with benefits (and payment) then being a wham bam thank you ma'am kind of arrangement.

If I didn't like them, and they asked for another booking then I wouldn't take it.

whatsthepointofmorgan · 08/02/2017 23:55

How can one take pride in sucking dick?!

Jesus Christ man

The fact they call them 'clients' is funny.

The word Client hides the seriousness of what's really taking place.

Iusedtobeone · 09/02/2017 00:00

Shout - thank you. But you see, the attitudes that are shown in this very thread towards sex workers is exactly why I dont intend to be loved up again. As we all know - secrets are discovered! And keeping something like being a hooker a secret in relationship is like a ticking time bomb. I would be constantly on edge of being found out. I don't think many men would be happy to find out a few years down the line that their Mrs used to be an escort. And as much as I can try and explain what it was like, people will always have the idea of seedy brothels, working 8 hours a day etc etc in their heads.

plus I want to protect my kids, my friends (apart from one who only recently found out) don't know, and my family definitely dont. Not having another relationship is a small price to pay for protecting my kids from the stigma.

Iusedtobeone · 09/02/2017 00:02

Morgan - what would you expect them to be called then if clients is not acceptable to you?

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/02/2017 00:07

Iused, can I ask what attitudes towards prostitutes expressed on this thread are a problem for you?

ShoutOutToMyEx · 09/02/2017 00:15

I think that's interesting though. That you say (and I agree with you) that rightly or wrongly, lots of men would not want to settle down with a former sex worker. Yet according to the statistics up thread, it's likely that some of those same men will have used sex workers, or will at least have friends who do. It's hypocritical. If using sex workers isn't wrong than how can being one be wrong?

I understand what you're saying though. The girls I knew who used to escort are in similar situations.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 09/02/2017 00:18

Her specialty was to kneel on it with her clients underneath and, well...you can guess the rest

Did she... do a poo??

Iusedtobeone · 09/02/2017 00:18

Assassinated - forgive me it's late and I used the wrong words there. Sorry am not as articulate as I would like!!!

It's not as much attitudes - more perceptions. Does that make more sense? people who are prostitutes can have wide varying degrees of experiences - being trafficked or illegally working in a brothel for a pimp is entirely different to being an indie. I could have never done the job if I had worked in a brothel - wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes! But people more often than not have a viewpoint which mainly Includes the more seedy side of illegal brothels and trafficking when they think about prostitution.

Sorry am not very good explaining tonight - will post again tomorrow with a better explanation. (Before anyone picks their way through my post and tears it to pieces)

whatsthepointofmorgan · 09/02/2017 00:19

Punters.
Kerb crawlers
Saddos

Not Clients.

Iusedtobeone · 09/02/2017 00:29

Morgan - you do know that a huge majority of "working girls" do not work on street corners don't you? And a lot of men who use prostitutes (and I have met a few in my time) would never ever have sex with girls who worked the streets due to the high percentage of them having drug addictions/having pimps/coerced/trafficked

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/02/2017 00:40

The focus on trafficking, the associations with organised crime, drugs, the concern about vulnerable women being forced through circumstance into prostitution, street prostitution is because those are the things which are most concerning. I think people are well aware that there are independent prostitutes who don't work in brothels or on the streets, and who are ok with what they're doing. It would be wrong to take that as the general experience and ignore those issues as a result though.

Personally I still find working as an escort to be grim and seedy, even if it has a veneer of pleasantness overlaying it.

charlestrenet · 09/02/2017 01:57

While it has been interesting to hear from women who work as prostitutes, I think that focusing on them loses sight of the issue.

Women become prostitutes because men want prostitution to exist - if they did not, then there would be no such thing. So really we should be talking about men.

As for why men want prostitution to exist, there have been lots of excellent points on here that are very thought provoking but I think the primary reason is that it negates the need for consent and therefore turns sex from being a mutual experience to one which is about men's wishes.

Therefore prostitution is a means by which men control women and the reason that men visit prostitutes is because at some level they think this is ok.

charlestrenet · 09/02/2017 02:01

And actually that means that all prostitution - not just trafficking etc - is a symptom of a really pretty terrible attitude to women. Sure, some people within the rotten set up may be happy - there are happy people in any rotten set up. But that doesn't stop it from being harmful.

FritzDonovan · 09/02/2017 02:10

^y to your reasoning charles

Atenco · 09/02/2017 04:03

Well said, charlestrenet