What kind of men use prostitutes?

[Snugglepalace]

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

@thequeenoftarts I can see your point of view, 100%. It is disgusting and horrible to think of those forced into this for any reason, but I don't think shaming the women who does it because they want to, has any positive effect at all.

AssassinatedBeauty

To the trained eye and punter it is usually very obvious as to whether a girl is trafficked, in a brothel or agency or indie.

Firstly I answer my own phone, run my own website, make and take my own bookings and screen my own clients.

An agency won't care less about who the client is and a pimp will care even less as long as cash is exchanged. Quite often the girls may not be the one the client wanted in the first place and the fee is paid either to the agency or they take a cut from the fee. They may not offer all the services on offer and often BB is on offer.

A pimp won't care less what the client wants, what girl he gets, whether the girl needs to be slapped about the place, raped or locked in a room so she can't escape.

All clients need to know to refuse to have sex with a girl if she is not willing, please don't ever force a girl lads.. They don't deserve that, no one does. Even if you have to hand over the cash, report it to the police afterwards. Help them escape, help them survive please..

A lot of my clients see me because I am indie and do all of my own legwork and if I ever knew of a girl held like that I would do everything I could to report it and try help them escape that awful life

And yet women are still being trafficked, and vulnerable women are still being forced through circumstances into prostitution. Why aren't their punters able to tell they are trafficked/vulnerable and rescue them? Why do you think it's ok for the goodwill of punters to be the way of preventing these women from being in that situation?

shoutout..i think we need to differentiate here, women who are trafficked etc into prosititution are most definitely consenting or undertaking a valid exchange fo goods or a service for money. However prostitition is not the only industry which suffers from abuse of workers....there are the examples of children and adults working in sweat shops to produce the clothes many of us 'nice'mumsnetters hapily exchange money for in many of our high street shops...
there is in the uk, many trafficked and controlled by gangs workers on farms and in agriculture, picking vegetables etc which we happily go and exchange our money for in the supermarkets...
to label or highlight 'men who use prositutes' as being amongst an uncaring entitled elite within our society , is a rather limited view.
while you may not buy sex yourself , i would suggest we all look at what we do buy that may also be fuelling an underworld of abuse against our fellow human beings.

sorry first sentence should say
' are most definitely not consenting...'

user1475253854

Thanks for your reply, yes it's entirely possible she had PTSD, I would never discount anyone's experiences, to do so would be condescending and cruel and I hope I would never be that to another person. I hope the poor girl got the help she needed. All I can go on is my personal experiences, and they have been positive and good in 6 years of escorting.

AssassinatedBeauty

I think by now you must know I don't support trafficked forms of prostitution. I will always lecture my clients on what to look out for and if they can't help the girl, pass e on the information and I will pass it onto a local contact in the sex industry that can liaise with the police to help the girls

Purplebluebird - thank you

Putting aside the fact that any sex workers posting here may enjoy their job, or that many other sex workers ARE trafficked and abused, the question asked by OP was about the MEN WHO USE THEM.
Simply put, if you're a man in a relationship, you demonstrate a lack of respect for your partner by having sex with someone else, unless you have agreed differently. I doubt these men would be happy with their partners doing the same. Double standards all round, based on the selfishness and entitlement some men feel, to do whatever they want, as long as the 'important' people in their lives don't find out.
And I certainly wouldn't prefer my partner to use prostitutes rather than have an affair. I would prefer him to speak to me about problems (like an adult) before deliberately becoming a cheating bastard. If you've done it, own up, you're OH deserves that much respect at least.

I do agree with you that lots of what we consume is produced unethically, and yes through forced labour. That is something I should definitely think about more. Thank you for that.

The crux of it for me is that I just can't get on board with what sex work, and the issue of coercive consent, means for women in the wider context of society.

I understand what women like queenoftarts are saying. My problem is that when it becomes widely available, some men think all women are up for it so you get all the creepy comments and leers at supermarkets, petrol stations etc. This in no way the fault of sex workers but I have noticed more of this in areas where brothels are more common. My 16 year old daughter's dance school (flamenco) is situated in the midst of what is now a red light district (wasn't five years ago) and we can't just let her go to class by herself anymore.

"All clients need to know to refuse to have sex with a girl if she is not willing"

Mmm. But if said pimp who slaps them about learns that punter sussed she wasn't willing, what would happen then?

With the best will in the world, punter unlikely to hand over cash for sex he didn't get, or go to police, is he?

I think it's clear that no one here would support trafficked forms of prostitution. I think it's ridiculous to suggest that men who use prostitutes can always tell that the woman they're using hasn't been trafficked and isn't vulnerable. And many men just don't care anyway. The fact that your punters know you're not trafficked is neither here nor there.

While I agree with you that all consumer industries have problems with ethical practice and forced labour, the men who knowingly or carelessly "consume" unconsenting prostitutes are raping them. Not indirectly, as part of a supply chain. They are using their own bodies to rape another person.

I doubt these men would be happy with their partners doing the same

I have a good friend (company director 50years old) who sees a couple of escorts accasionally (he said it helps with the stress of the job and it's not all about sex) Interestingly I did ask how he would feel if his DW did the same and he said if she was discreet and it helped her, he would not mind. Further if he found out by accident he would keep quiet.

He sounds like a peach, Morbius.

Your one example obviously blows that theory out of the water.

He does have sex with them though, not just a nice chat? I wonder why he has never thought of having some counselling for the stress, rather than using prostitutes?

Things may have changed considerably now with the whole trafficking issue but when I was in my twenties I knew of a local woman in our city who was making a fortune in London. She kept a gorgeous flat in a very expensive road off Kensington High Street, where she had a large glass coffee table in the living room. Her specialty was to kneel on it with her clients underneath and, well...you can guess the rest. I think she went on to do very well in property. They are not all victims.

mimishimmi

Thats awful your poor daughter, can't say I blame you for not letting her go to class alone. Brothels are illegal in the UK and Ireland

You know what folks I have a client who is Irish and comes home from Australia every so often and he visits me.
He has explained on many occasions how it's done there and I would like to share that with you, if I may please...

Over there brothels are legal, they have a madam and security to stop hassle and trouble. The rules are simple, all sex workers must visit the doctors every two weeks for a full blood work exam, swabs and gynae swabs also. They get an up to date cert that allows te continue working in the brothel - no cert you can't work. The police check the brothels regularly , but the madams refuse to allow anyone without a cert to work there anyways. So the street girls are ones without a cert or who failed the exam. It's far more protected, less trafficked and safer for everyone involved. I really like their way of dealing with it, they know prostitution exists, they acknowledge it and they protect the girls and clients where they can..What do you think of that idea? Just curious?

Men who use prostitutes are seedy and pretty much disgusting. I don't think there is a better way of explaining them.

Reading the sex worker's posts just makes me feel even sadder. I don't judge them, but I judge the men who use them. No two ways about it, if you are using prostitutes you aren't a decent man. It doesn't matter what reasons you give you're still using women as a commodity and buying consent. It's so depressing that men would rather buy sex from women who really do not want to be sleeping with them instead of going without, or remaining faithful to their partners. Seedy and sad.

They don't care about how the women feel, just as long as they get to cum. How can they be anything other than shitty people? Handing over money doesn't change the fact that they didn't want sex with you, probably didn't fancy you and very unlikely to have enjoyed it. That's of no consequence though is it? Some men want it, they can pay for it, so they take it. No respect for women.

What do I think of legalised prostitution? The men are still cheating bastard, whether their sexual health is protected and the girls are safe.
M
Well, drmobius, why doesn't he suggest it to his wife? Does she know what he's up to? This is the kind of answer you get when someone knows they don't have a right to protest about behaviour they are already indulging in ( but won't put it to the test unless found out)...

To the trained eye and punter it is usually very obvious as to whether a girl is trafficked, in a brothel or agency or indie.

Either it is obvious, and the punters don't give a shit, or it's not obvious at all - and the punters still don't give a shit. Because it keeps on happening, at huge volume, to far too many women.

All this bollocks about "well, of course we don't approve of trafficking". I accept that you don't. You don't appear to accept that your nice clients are also the men who rape women who have no choice about it at all, and your narrative of choosy-choice empowerment sex work, where you pay off your mortgage and get to have fun while you do it, bears absolutely no relation to the lives of the majority of women in prostitution, and your "but I love it!" declarations drown their realities out.

It's bullshit.

ArcheryAnnie

Not all men who have sex rape women, does your husband /partner rape you?

I have no intentions of drowning anyone else's voices out, all I ask is that you accept mine is there also and as a 48 year old woman I am perfectly capable of making my own choices, without needing to be threatened, bullied or coerced into doing so. In some ways you ladies are as bad as the punters you dislike so much, you have no room in your heads to accept there are other views and choices, it must be your way or no way at all

Everyone has said to you that we accept you choose to do what you're doing and that you enjoy it. No one is suggesting you're coerced or bullied into prostitution. That's great for you. But it doesn't affect my attitude towards prostitution generally.