What kind of men use prostitutes?

[Snugglepalace]

Dh has an outside job which involves spending time on various roads within towns and villages.
A couple of weeks ago he was working on a street in our local town. An everyday street with semi detached homes.
After a day or so Dh and his work colleagues noticed one particular house had a lot of 'visitors'. All the visitors were well dressed men arriving in nice cars. It averaged around 4 men per hour!
At lunchtime a car pulled up (the driver had pizzas) and the door was opened,there was an older woman in the hallway and several younger looking women loitering in the hallway also.

Dh and workmates are convinced it was a brothel. Over the weeks that they were working there they would glare at the men going in and said some of them looked very embarrassed once they realised they had been noticed, one even parked in a nearby supermarket and tried to get in the back way.
I know these things go on but what got me was the thought that surely, several, if not most of these men must have (oblivious?!) partners etc.

AssassinatedBeauty

Did you actually read my very long first post? It was long so maybe you didn't.
I am a professional also. I am highly skilled and qualified and I have been to college, spent several years training in my other field, totally unrelated to escorting in every way shape and for and I also work at that position daily. Escorting for me is something I choose to do, not that I have to do.

I am not victim blaming in the slightest, however I do believe that sometimes men see a woman who is not entirely sure of herself and they chance their arm, they may well chance it with me too, but I may be better able to stop them in their tracks from experience, or I may not. That could be simply walking down the street with your head down, never mind escorting.The only blame in any situation of rape or assault lies firmly with the person carrying it out.

You choose to do it for the money, or because you enjoy the experience of doing it or a combination of both? If it's for the money I was interested to know what else you would do instead to replace your income should prostitution not be available to you.

I do it for both reasons, I have plenty saved that if tomorrow I had to stop it and only work in my day to day job,then I wouldn't be very concerned at all. I own my own house outright, have my own car, have no loans or debts.I saved nearly every penny I got from the escorting to enable me to buy my house and car and remain debt free.

But I also really enjoy meeting new people, chatting to them, helping them relax with a massage and having fun with them.

The idea of purchasing consent creeps me out and makes me feel very uncomfortable. I feel that consent is something that should be given and not bought. I can't get my head around someone who goes ahead and sex with a woman when they know if he took the money away, she would say no. Or goes ahead and has sex with a woman he knows is only there because she's forced to be. I guess I kind of feel that bought isn't consent, if the woman would not have sex or carry out the purchased sex acts with that man if he wasn't paying to use her body.

Also, some the married ones show further lack of concerns that their sexual partners are freely consenting when they continue to have sex with their wives. They know their wives wouldn't consent to sex if they told them they'd purchased consent a few days earlier but go ahead and have sex with them anyway.

The kind of man who does this is a cunt.

I'm also not convinced it's empowering as a job. Most empowering high earning jobs have lots of not mostly men in such vacancies, and the fact that the number of male sex workers isn't at the same or higher rate than women makes me think that they don't see it as a job just like any other at all.

I am a shy and socially anxious man in my mid-30s who regularly visited prostitutes for a decade and a half, until about 18 months ago.

I have achieved lots of things in my life and think I have made at least some positive contribution to society.

I am somewhat sad that my first sexual experience was one that I paid for.

Until relatively recently I simply didn't have the self-confidence or self-belief to form 'normal' relationships which might lead to sex.

Over the years I have met various types of sex workers in various types of setting - some seedy, some the opposite.

I'm not sure what point I am trying to make with this post.

I suppose just to say that there are some of us (I've come to realise there are quite a lot of us) for whom romantic relationships don't come easily, but we still have sexual curiosity and a desire for intimacy.

[NB I am emphatically not talking about any kind of 'right' to sex.]

I guess I'd be happy to answer questions people might have about my experiences.

I probably visited prostitutes three or four times a year for about 14 or 15 years.

ShyLondoner, but you did feel you had a right to sex, using money to buy consent that you wouldn't have got otherwise. If that wasn't the case, you would have not used prostitutes and found other ways to reconcile yourself to not being satisfied in your personal relationships that didn't involve using women's bodies for sex.

queenoftarts how did you get into it in the first place? Am genuinely interested, particularly as you didn't come to it through desperation/being skint.

If it's for the money I was interested to know what else you would do instead to replace your income should prostitution not be available to you.

I suppose I'd probably go back to my "civvy" career where I earned 36k/pa. I've been very careful not to burn bridges because of this.

I am emphatically not talking about any kind of 'right' to sex.

Yes, yes you are. I understand that may be uncomfortable to confront, but it is quite true. And it's something that's communicated to men, and women, by society, constantly, from a very young age.

but you did feel you had a right to sex

Can someone explain this "entitlement" link. I truly don't understand this rational. I don't believe people are "entitled" to cars, massages or holidays, but they can procure them in exchange for money. Simplistic I know, but what has this to do with entitlement.

Those things don't require someone else's body though do they? No one should feel entitled to access to another persons body.

I find the ones who feel a sense of entitlement to sex are the ones who feel they should be getting it for free. They would utterly resent having to pay for it.

i am also struggling with the entitlement concept, and can have some empathy with the men who use prostitues, esp men like shylondoner,
they feel they are purchasing a service, and though i think it is valid to say that no doubt many women would not be providing the service if it was not for the money. i think that argument can be extrapolated into pretty much any area of paid employment. I am sure the woman who served me tonight i my local KFC would not be doing that particular job if she wasn't paid. The two men who come and wash my windows do it because i pay thus procure the service...both these examples show jobs that are not exactly ones we aspire too and frankly are not much fun i wouldnt think so why are they different to prositution >

and i do a job many would say is a vocation and must provided a lot of satisfaction..bugger that , if i wasnt paid you would not get any service out of me either

but surely people who pay for sex do not feel entitled to use someones body ? they are paying for something...if they felt entitled they would expect it for free..

user1475253854

I was involved in swinging and meeting guys for free sex and fun thru the swinging sites and got thinking, if I can give it away for free, some guys might pay for it. And they did lol..And I agree Brazenhussy0, the guys on swing sites get lairy if they turn up for coffee and a first meet ( no sex allowed as far as I am concerned) but they still push and push it. They are far worse and think by turning up they deserve sex..Not one client has ever decided by turning up they WILL get to fuck me, most of them are far more gentleman like than some I meet in real life...

They feel entitled to buy consent for sex that they otherwise wouldn't get consent for. Their desire for sexual gratification overrides any concern for the woman who's body their buying access to.

theredjellybean

Thank you for understanding xx

I have very little sympathy for men like
shylondonder. He has no way of knowing whether the women he's used are vulnerable, trapped, trafficked, addicted to drugs, and so on. He literally didn't care about that at all, as long as he could get his sexual gratification from them. How anyone can have sex with someone who they know wouldn't do it unless they were paid I really don't know.

AssassinatedBeauty are you saying that there are no circumstances under which two people could have sex (with an exchange of money involved) and it be an equitable, consensual, non-harmful exchange?

I am surprised that there are people who can't see the difference between prostitution and jobs like window cleaning and serving in a fast food restaurant. I find it quite disturbing actually.

Er, yes.

I don't believe people are "entitled" to cars, massages or holidays, but they can procure them in exchange for money. Simplistic I know, but what has this to do with entitlement.

If the cars, holidays and massages were trafficked, abused, raped and beaten, and if the procurement of them systematically contributed to a patriarchal society where the basic rights of women and girls come below a man's 'right to sex', then yes, that would be exactly the same.

ShyLondoner, yep that's what I'm saying. I know the three posters on this thread who are happy being prostitutes would disagree with me on that. Bought consent isn't consent for me though.

Consent is not a commodity, ShyLondoner.

You put your penis into women who didn't want it in them, and then you gave them money.

Thanks for reply queenoftarts

There was a guest post on here not so long ago who developed PTSD from working as a prostitute so I don't think you can compare it to being a window cleaner tbh. (Not addressed to you queen just a response to a pp)