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Relationships

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Original poster

Dh says colleague will make a move on him

166 replies

Tiredsahm · 07/02/2017 14:10

DH has started working with a new colleague who he thinks it's only a matter of time before she will make a move on him. Apparently she has a reputation for this. They don't work together often but when they do they rely heavily on each other for business.

He says he is not interested, that if and when it does happen he will deal with it and it's ridiculous for me to be in any way upset.

I'm a little upset as he's obviously thought about it, he knows all about her background- growing up etc so they have already over shared, she is gorgeous and successful in a way he highly admires. I'm a sahm with nothing dynamic and interesting to say and almost a decade older.

I know this all sounds pathetic written down and I'm not sure what I'm asking from you all, just feeling a bit miserable about it and helps to get it off my chest I suppose.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tiredsahm · 08/02/2017 08:57

Sometimes I'm just too tired after looking after the children, doing the housework, cooking and then repeat when he comes home very late from work. I do acknowledge that it is great he still finds me attractive and wants to have sex with me after 3 children and all these years, it's just sometimes I'm not in the mood.

What I'm going to take from all this though is that I need to work on myself for me. I need to keep an eye on things and if he mentions anything like this again I need to deal with it calmly but firmly.

OP posts:

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 09:08

It's great for him that you want to have sex with him. It's not all one way.

jobanana · 08/02/2017 09:15

You need to read the rest - I asked why op didn't want to have sex, as I thought that was a sign of a problem between them. Answer was because he was pressurising her and someone said I should understand that. Was explaining why is questioned it.

jobanana · 08/02/2017 09:15

Why I'd

BoredProcrastinator · 08/02/2017 10:06

I can't understand why the op's dh wants sex 4-5 x per week, it seems excessive to me when you've got small kids. Presumably the dp is sitting at work quietly thinking about it all day and not chasing kids

jobanana · 08/02/2017 10:08

Ha ha. I think 4-5 times per week is particularly important when you've got small kids. I think really there should be some sexual contact, whatever it is, every day. Without doubt.

jobanana · 08/02/2017 10:09

Personally for me partner is even more attractive for having made kids in first place. They remind me of his potency. Of our potency. I like that.

BoredProcrastinator · 08/02/2017 10:18

good for you :) I would feel like a sex slave if i was expected to have sex every day.

iremembericod · 08/02/2017 10:21

I do acknowledge that it is great he still finds me attractive and wants to have sex with me after 3 children and all these years

i find that statement quite sad. You sound grateful that he still wants to shag an old hag like you.

You describe him as balding and expanding at the waistline. Does he feel equally paranoid that you might not want to shag an old dude like him? Or does he think he's God's Gift? You don't need to answer that - it is clear what he thinks - after all there is some hot easy woman at the office who wants to rip his clothes off, so yeah you should up your gratefulness for him lowering himself to shag you.

Uncomfortable.

This is not a relationship which will help your self-esteem as it is right now.

jobanana · 08/02/2017 10:26

I'm not expected to have sex - I never see it like that - I want to have sex. It's mutual. And by the sounds of comments on here, I'm quite lucky in that!

Poor OP - FFS - he's lucky to have you next to him. Don't feel grateful to him. You're still the same you. OK maybe physically a little bit changed over time and life but the core is still you!! I can't ever tell if DP is fatter or thinner or what he is. I see the odd hair turning grey on his chest and take a medical interest in it. This is time and life. I like it. I like watching the changes. His energy is the same. (as it happens in my case, this is something I need to detach from - but I can see now why it's difficult for me - because it is something v. good in some ways).

Personally I think you might need a toyboy. Stuff the DH and his puffy pride. I can see why you might not want to have sex with him. I don't think I would.

Jaysis · 08/02/2017 10:26

I came to a point a few months ago where I wasn't prepared to feel pressurised anymore.

This is him just changing tack then.

He can't pressure you into sex any more the old way since you made a stand. So now with his statement about slutty work colleague you are supposed to get all worried about this woman making moves on him that you have sex with him more in order that he wont 'stray'. It's all bullshit and juvenile.

I'd guarantee that this woman is a) not remotely an office shagger and b) probably has zero interest in him. I think the best way to deal with it is to shut it down entirely - say exactly what a previous poster said - make it very clear that she can shimmy past him wearing nothing but a g-string for all you care, but if he chooses to reciprocate or respond to these inevitable advances, its Game Over for your marriage without hesitation.

SandyY2K · 08/02/2017 10:34

Being honest. If my guy wants it that's a turn on. So my genuine question was, why is him wanting you a turn off?

If you're not in the mood, you just aren't in the mood for it. Just because one's husband wants sex, doesn't automatically make it a turn on.

I don't think it's a question of it being a turn off either, but you just don't want sex at that time. If you feel pressurised, then that can certainly become a turn off though.

Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they are unfulfilled, but with three young kids, many men would be envious with his 2/3 times a week.

Silentplikebath · 08/02/2017 10:58

I think you need to look DH straight in the eyes and say 'I trust you to respect me and our marriage enough not to get too friendly with this woman but you need to know that if anything happens I WILL find out and it WILL be the end of us. Hopefully you will think about what you stand to lose when you're in the company of ms mywifedoesntunderstandme'.

I agree with pp that you need to start doing things for yourself to build your confidence.

TurnipCake · 08/02/2017 12:05

You'll probably find the wind taken out of his sails if you were to say, "Fine, let her shag you, it'll take the pressure off me so I can devote the time to learning French/having a facial/listening to In Our Time"

I'm betting she's as much as an office slag as I am a doorknob

As was said upthread, he's changing tack

Christinayangstwistedsista · 08/02/2017 15:56

What do you mean, repeat when he co es homes from work, don't ypoujust bung his in the microwave?

Kittencatkins123 · 08/02/2017 22:46

Turnip
You'll probably find the wind taken out of his sails if you were to say, "Fine, let her shag you, it'll take the pressure off me so I can devote the time to learning French/having a facial/listening to In Our Time"

AMAZING. OP please consider this.

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