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Original poster

Bf has secretly ordered HIV test kit

199 replies

boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 15:30

Please help me, I apologise for any typos as this is going to be rushed.

I am visiting my bf of two months and be is currently at work,I'm at his house and went to go on my emails (he doesn't mind this leaves his laptop on for me to use). His hotmail account was still logged in and rightly or wrongly, I snooped.

Just over a week ago he ordered an at home hiv test that you do and send off. Wtf.. I don't know what to think? I can't exactly confront as he will know I snooped. He is putting my health at risk though if he truly thinks he might have it.. He is due home in 30 mins I need to think and act fast

OP posts:

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 05/02/2017 14:36

But we do know for a fact that complacency is a factor. There is no doubt about it at all.

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 14:38

It's a factor of course it is.

Phoebefromfriends · 05/02/2017 15:22

I stand by my previous comment that ordering a test kit online without telling your partner you suspect you may have been exposed to HIV is pretty sneaky. The grown up thing to do would be to have a conversation about it and either both go to the clinic together or order two kits, if that's the way tests are being conducted. I assume, but probably shouldn't, that he only ordered one kit, maybe he's ordered two and he's going to wrap it up the other as a valentines gift.

I think it's worrying that the OP doesn't feel she can talk to her bf about the kit and he's making her do pregnancy tests.

OP I really hope you get tested and dump this guy who obviously doesn't care for you.

Checkthisout · 05/02/2017 15:26

Both Genital Warts & Herpes are not stopped by condoms

If you sleep with someone unprotected who has HIV, if they previously know & are receiving treatment for it.....the chances of getting it yourself, is oh so so slim

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 15:59

There is the option of pep for the negative person, which I have been on myself before.

Needthesunshine · 05/02/2017 22:10

The clinical HIV tests used in NHS Scotland are accurate 4 weeks after exposure to the HIV virus. BioSure is the only UK validated home testing HIV kit and it's 99.7% accurate 12 weeks after exposure. Current guidelines recommend that ALL people with HIV should take anti viral medication. Recent research has shown NO cases of HIV transmission between partners where the HIV positive partner is prescribed anti retrovirals and has an undetectable viral load for longer than 6 months. I would always recommend condoms to protect against other STIs. The treatment for syphilis isn't pleasant! I work in this field and I'm happy to answer any questions by PM.

Atenco · 06/02/2017 00:45

The attitude towards possibility contracting HIV is amazing

This

Call me old fashioned but not taking simple precautions to avoid an incurable illness is madness. I am so glad that HIV is not the death sentence it used to be, but having to depend on medicines for the rest of one's life isn't fun.

And it still has such a stigma attached that everyone hides the fact that they have it, so others think that people like them couldn't possibly get it.

TheNaze73 · 06/02/2017 08:00

It all sounds very sensible to me. The only ridiculous thing here, is you having unprotected sex, 2 months into a relationship.

Fmlgirl · 06/02/2017 22:35

This guy made her take a pregnancy test. It's obvious to me that he thinks she is HIV positive and is a very paranoid man.

Princesspinkgirl · 06/02/2017 22:54

God mumsnet i had unprotected sex with a bloke on the first night it was m6my choice however we did fall pregnant within 2 weeks

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/02/2017 22:58

This guy made her take a pregnancy test.

They are having unproteced sex.

It's obvious to me that he thinks she is HIV positive and is a very paranoid man.

You don't know what he thinks.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 07/02/2017 09:53

God mumsnet i had unprotected sex with a bloke on the first night it was m6my choice however we did fall pregnant within 2 weeks

That was pretty stupid altogether. Your choice to be stupid though, its a free world.

Manepartner · 07/02/2017 10:04

God mumsnet i had unprotected sex with a bloke on the first night it was m6my choice however we did fall pregnant within 2 weeks. I can't quite work this out. Are you posting this to defend the OP choice of unprotected sex? Because if you are, it's a MASSIVE fail.

SamanthaBrique · 07/02/2017 14:45

God mumsnet i had unprotected sex with a bloke on the first night it was m6my choice however we did fall pregnant within 2 weeks.

Yeah, not sure how that's supposed to help OP except to show that there's a lot of stupid people in this world...

Happybunny19 · 07/02/2017 16:54

God mumsnet i had unprotected sex with a bloke on the first night it was m6my choice however we did fall pregnant within 2 weeks

Is there a "Who Can be The Most Stupid" competition running on this thread?

The above has to be the most fuckwitted response I've seen to date on any thread, against some pretty stiff competition. Are you actually suggesting that unprotected sex possibly leading to STDs or unwanted pregnancies is acceptable?

zeeboo · 07/02/2017 18:13

I feel very sorry for the OP and think she's had quite a rough ride at a very frightening time.
I did want to ask though the ages of people saying they are tested between all sexual relationships? I'm in my mid 40's and I've never had an STi test and I don't know anyone who has had them regularly except male gay friends. I know a lot of lads at the hotel I used to work at all had to take a day trip to the clinic because they'd all had sexual contact of one kind or another with a girl who'd tested positive for chlamydia.

I'm not knocking this trend for testing before sex or before condomless sex but I wonder if it's really that common in wider society or if it's an age related thing due to info being given out in schools? All of my big kids have had chlamydia tests because they were done at school and they wanted the free gifts you got if you took the test. At that point only one of them was actually sexually active but I am a bit jealous of DDs glow in the dark sperm keyring

Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 18:31

I don't exactly think he is being dishonest. You are having unprotected sex with him, thereby exposing both of you to the risk of STDs, so can it really be so surprising to you that he may have had unprotected sex with one or more partners before meeting you? He may just be having second thoughts about this step you have taken but feel awkward saying, hold on, I think we may have rushed into this/been a bit irresponsible.

Graphista · 07/02/2017 18:40

Zeeboo I'm also mid 40's and have been screened several times, between relationships and especially after leaving my cheating arse of an ex!

Friends tend to do the same as far as I know (not everyone likes discussing this stuff of course) with the exception of 2 couples I know who are married to their childhood sweethearts and have never had sexual contact with anyone but each other.

In my experience it's both the older generation who seem to think it's only younger ones who get sti's - a friend of my aunts apparently got caught out! And 20-somethings who seem to think as even hiv is now treatable that it's no big deal

QueenoftheAndals · 07/02/2017 20:10

In my experience it's both the older generation who seem to think it's only younger ones who get sti's - a friend of my aunts apparently got caught out!

Yes, STIs are actually on the rise in the over 50s! Or at least they were a few years ago.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 07/02/2017 20:12

I did want to ask though the ages of people saying they are tested between all sexual relationships?

No-one said they were tested between ALL sexual relationships. iirc? But before having unprotected sex which is totally different. Many, most I'd say. stay protected so much less need. And I think you're over estimating how many different sexual relationships people have anyway.

CaptainCabinets · 07/02/2017 21:00

There are soooo many things about this thread that have made me go !

You don't use condoms.
People think you only get HIV tests if you know you've been exposed to it. No! You should get a sexual health screening (including an HIV test) between each and every sexual partner you have. It's just sensible.
He's not being 'sneaky' or dishonest by taking a test, he's being sensible (even though he's just as responsible for safe sex as OP is, both as bad as each other there!)
He might simply be curious.
OP, if you want an adult relationship, you need to put on your big girl pants and have an adult conversation about what you saw, none of this hint-dropping shit.

Graphista · 07/02/2017 22:15

This was a woman in her late 60's! He was late 70's and apparently having a rare old time of it with several 'girlfriends' but playing the 'lonely widower' card. Both thinking they were unlikely to have to deal with an sti.

Ohyesiam · 07/02/2017 23:08

zeeboo in a50 year old straight woman, and for the last 20 years I have have still screening at the start of the two relationships I've had in that time( both long term, including my current dh).
Considering when you sleep with someone you are, from an infection point of view, sleeping with ask their previous partners, it s Just a straight forward option, not just the proclivity of gay men.

Ohyesiam · 07/02/2017 23:09

STI not still....

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