Bf has secretly ordered HIV test kit

[boredofthisnow16]

Please help me, I apologise for any typos as this is going to be rushed.

I am visiting my bf of two months and be is currently at work,I'm at his house and went to go on my emails (he doesn't mind this leaves his laptop on for me to use). His hotmail account was still logged in and rightly or wrongly, I snooped.

Just over a week ago he ordered an at home hiv test that you do and send off. Wtf.. I don't know what to think? I can't exactly confront as he will know I snooped. He is putting my health at risk though if he truly thinks he might have it.. He is due home in 30 mins I need to think and act fast

Am I missing something?

OPs bf sounds perfectly sensible. You should be having STD tests before entering into new relationships. Seriously.

If you question someone taking responsibility for their own health you are a moron.

Condoms will not protect against herpes, warts or any other condition that can be transmitted from skin to skin

Seat belts don't protect 100% against death in a car accident so no point wearing them

Condoms protect against the majority of STIs including the incurable and potentially life threatening HIV virus. I'd say that makes them worth a go.

I wasn't saying that at all Gall.

Just putting it up on the thread for anyone that doesn't know this.

I posted HIV positive people can still have sex without condoms.

Some people don't know this either.

Of course you should use condoms, but it doesn't prevent you getting hpv or hsv so it isn't as though people aren't taking risks by having sex and still using condoms.

The advances have been amazing! You really can live a normal life with HIV. Unfortunately the stigma attached to it is still alive and kicking

You CAN, but not everyone does. People still get severe side effects from the drugs, they don't fully work for everyone, not everyone gets an undetectable viral load. People still die, not many, but they do.
And thats before you think about the people who don't know they have it.

The only STD I ever had, I got from my husband of 11 years at the time.

You just don't know.

Of course people still die.

But millions of people are living normal lives, having normal sex, taking their meds and will not go on to develop AIDS.

HIV is no longer the death sentence it was in the 80's.

This thread has so much inaccurate information in it about STI's / testing etc it is really freaking me out.

I think some people are confusing home sampling and home testing...

Home sampling is when you order a kit from somewhere like www.test.hiv/ and you send your sample off to be tested in a laboratory (which will be just like the labs used by the sexual health clinic) and they will contact you with a result. In many areas throughout the UK this is becoming the way in which the initial tests are done. It's not suspicious or weird to use this type of service to find out if you have an STI.

Home testing is when you order a kit online which gives you a result at home i.e. you don't send it off to a lab - these are often not as accurate although it is very likely that as methods of testing improve they will become more accurate.

Graphista I need to respond to a couple of your comments...

personally I think sending potential bio hazard through the Royal Mail or whatever is fucking irresponsible!
It is not irresponsible. Thousands of samples every day are sent to laboratories around the country via Royal Mail. The packaging is designed to ensure the sample can survive being dropped, stood on, the mail van driving over them etc. These services (such as the HIV one I linked above and others like the national Bowel sceening programme) are put in place by Public Health England. They are monitored and regulated to a high standard.

he could get a positive result and do nothing about it, not get support, treatment, put new partners at risk
people are even more at risk if he's positive and he hasn't got tested. If people are diagnosed by a self sampling service then the service calls them and follows up repeatedly to check they have gone to a clinic.

The attitude towards possibility contracting HIV is amazing. Yes there have been amazing advance, yes it's no longer the death sentence it was in the 80's but for goodness sake it's hardly a picnic is it? I mean it is a life changing thing. People still live full lives after losing a leg too, but nobody WANTS to.

The common cold is easily treatable and passes quickly. It doesn't mean I go round licking people who have a cold! Amazing advances or not, why would you not take precautions?!

Of course nobody wants.

But imagine if someone was reading this thread and had a positive status and read nothing but negative comments etc.

Just to echo I agree with manepartner. HIV treatment has improved enormously but a diagnosis means you have to take lots of drugs for the rest of your life. As the population with HIV is getting older now it's emerging that being on those drugs for a long period of time seems to lead to increased risk of some cancers and also many people are getting diseases associated with old age up to 10 years earlier than people who are not HIV positive.

Lots of long term conditions are manageable including HIV but without a doubt your quality of life will be better if you don't have them.

Nobody has made a negative comment about anyone's HIV status though, simply pointed out that where possible you have a responsibility to prevent the spread of STDs by using protection and getting tested.

Diagnosis does not mean you have to take lots of drugs for the rest of your life.

Depending on your numbers, you may not need to start meds straight away.

Once diagnosed positive your Doctor will run tests to see if there is a resistance to particular drugs/combinations.

Some people take just one tablet a day.

Of course nobody wants But imagine if someone was reading this thread and had a positive status and read nothing but negative comments etc. but they would surely see the comments are about protecting yourself and no doubt someone who is HIV+ would completely understand the need for people to take precautions. We don't need to dress HIV up just in case someone who is positive reads thing, they will know more about it than all of us out together.

They'll see whatever is written on this thread, yes.

No one is dressing HIV up.

ut millions of people are living normal lives, having normal sex, taking their meds and will not go on to develop AIDS.HIV is no longer the death sentence it was in the 80's

But its still not a good thing to have, and anyone reading this with HIV would want other people NOT to be in their situation.

HIV rates are increasing because people like you are telling everyone that its no big deal anymore. Young people who don't remember the 80's/90's think its not something they have to worry about. Complacency kills.

Where have I said it's not a big deal anymore?

I've said there have been huge advances in treatment.

I have not once encouraged anyone to be complacent.

Narky, I'm pretty sure, certain in fact that I am not responsible for the increase in HIV infections.

the attitude you are promoting is responsible.

My attitude is, protect yourself always.

Treat new partners like they do have an STD and get fully tested before having unprotected sex once the incubation period has passed.

But what does fully tested mean?

Get tested for everything there is a test for.

The pathways and evidence for HIV treatment are constantly changing...current recommendations are to start treatment immediately even if viral load is low - some information here illustrating how effective this is to helping reduce the rate on onward transmission

I work in this area - I absolutely do not want to stigmatise HIV as a condition but the fact is that complacency about it has set in in recent years and this does seem to have contributed to a rise in cases up until very recently.

I think the rise is a result of many different factors. People don't care, it won't happen to me, cheating partners, no education of HIV.

The list is endless and almost impossible to pin the rise on any one thing.