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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bf has secretly ordered HIV test kit

199 replies

boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 15:30

Please help me, I apologise for any typos as this is going to be rushed.

I am visiting my bf of two months and be is currently at work,I'm at his house and went to go on my emails (he doesn't mind this leaves his laptop on for me to use). His hotmail account was still logged in and rightly or wrongly, I snooped.

Just over a week ago he ordered an at home hiv test that you do and send off. Wtf.. I don't know what to think? I can't exactly confront as he will know I snooped. He is putting my health at risk though if he truly thinks he might have it.. He is due home in 30 mins I need to think and act fast

OP posts:
Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 16:24

Well he's back now and I have Said anything as, as many on this thread have clearly established, I'm abnormal

OP posts:
Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 16:25

Haven't said anything.*.. Jesus

OP posts:
Phoebefromfriends · 04/02/2017 16:29

I don't understand why you wouldn't question him, this would be a game changer for me. Are you just going to pretend everything is normal and have unprotected sex with someone who suspects they have HIV? Hmm you are playing Russian roulette if you carry on.

Can you bring up getting tested in general? Really think you should address this.

goadyfuckersgetmygoat · 04/02/2017 16:30

Op! You are in the wrong too. Why didn't you do the test together before ditching the condom?
Have you thought that he might be worried you have it because you are a willing participant in unprotected sex with someone you have just met?

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 16:31

No I won't have unprotected sex I need to bring it up, I'll have to at some point this evening

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 04/02/2017 16:32

Why are people being so horrible? It must be a tremendous shock to realise he's trying to get himself tested for something as serious as HIV. Show a bit of empathy!

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 16:32

Goady.. No. As I've read online as someone else has mentioned, the test is only able to see if you have it after three months whch is stated on the website so he doesn't think it's me.

OP posts:
andaluchia · 04/02/2017 16:33

Unprotected sex with boyfriend of 2 months??

Go get tested & if you're lucky not to have HIV, Learn from this and never do it again.

And who knows, the poor guy may just be paranoid he's caught something from you just as you think you have from him.

Fishcakey · 04/02/2017 16:33

I had a test without telling my BF of the time. It was purely to put my mind at rest as I was assaulted when I was younger. They were my private demons and maybe he has his own?

CherieBabySpliffUp · 04/02/2017 16:34

Like most have said it's you who has put your health at risk.
You have to speak to him. How would you explain wanting to use condoms from now on? You are going to use them aren't you?

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 16:35

Yes fishcakey thats true. I'm honestly shocked that the majority of you are appalled at unprotected sex after two months, honestly the thought it wasnt ok never even occurred to me.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 04/02/2017 16:35

HIV is the leat of your problems I'd be equally concerned about hepatitis , esp Hep B which is more easily caught through sex than HIV. If he feels the need to test for HIV he needs testing for everything .

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 16:38

True floral. How can I confro t without revealing I snooped? He also ordered and made me take a pregnancy test after 5 qweek "just to be sure"

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 04/02/2017 16:39

When me and my partner got together i had implant but we didnt use condoms so after a couple of weeks we both said we would get tested to clear our minds. All was ok.
If i were you i would ask about it. Maybe hes been having sex with other people?

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 04/02/2017 16:40

I'm honestly shocked that the majority of you are appalled at unprotected sex after two months, honestly the thought it wasnt ok never even occurred to me

It honestly never occurred to you that there are sexually transmitted diseases? Have you never heard of any of them? You'd never heard of HIV before you saw the email about him buying a test?

As for honesty, they barely know each other. Neither one of them needs to tell each other anything they don't want to.

HecateAntaia · 04/02/2017 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wackelle · 04/02/2017 16:47

Its very sneaky to order it online instead of going to a clinic.

Why is ordering online sneaky compared to going to a clinic? I am not sure what is so sneaky about it at all. Hmm

titchy · 04/02/2017 16:49

I'm honestly shocked that the majority of you are appalled at unprotected sex after two months, honestly the thought it wasnt ok never even occurred to me.

Shock
Mintychoc1 · 04/02/2017 16:53

I actually don't believe that everyone in the UK gets a full STD screen before they embark on a new condom-free sexual relationship. I think it's one of those mumsnet myths. If everyone had tests in that situation then the sexual health services would collapse within a day!

gamerchick · 04/02/2017 16:53

Just ask him to go to the clinic for a screen and you'll do the same then discuss contraception.

Tbh if he's making you do pg tests id be making him wear condoms. He's obviously uncomfortable about unprotected sex. The daft twat should have thought of that from the off.

thebakerwithboobs · 04/02/2017 16:55

I'd just come clean, but supportively. So 'I used your laptop and his caught my eye. You don't have to tell me why you need it, but a clinic is better-we will go together.' It gives him the chance to explain without feeling attacked and then you can make your decision from there. For what it's worth, OP, I bet plenty of people have had unprotected sex after two months, a thread like this just gives people the opportunity to go Shock It's done now and you can't change it so move forwards by giving him the chance to be open and honest. Good luck!

gamerchick · 04/02/2017 16:55

No everyone doesn't, that's why there is stis all over the place. Doesn't mean people shouldn't.

HecateAntaia · 04/02/2017 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 04/02/2017 17:15

I actually don't believe that everyone in the UK gets a full STD screen before they embark on a new condom-free sexual relationship. I think it's one of those mumsnet myths. If everyone had tests in that situation then the sexual health services would collapse within a day!

I think you're severely over-estimating how many people are starting new condom free relationships! It's not that many. Its not a myth though. I very much doubt I'll ever be in that position ever again, but no way would I be going near an uncovered penis without an official clean bill. Have you seen the rates of STD's in older women? It's nuts.

tribpot · 04/02/2017 17:19

According to the Public Health England report (pdf link) around 21% of heterosexuals with HIV do not know that they are infected. Heterosexuals are diagnosed later than men having sex with men.

Why not suggest you both have the full STI panel done, including HIV?

That said, I find the fact he ordered and 'made you take' a pregnancy test extremely disturbing.