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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bf has secretly ordered HIV test kit

199 replies

boredofthisnow16 · 04/02/2017 15:30

Please help me, I apologise for any typos as this is going to be rushed.

I am visiting my bf of two months and be is currently at work,I'm at his house and went to go on my emails (he doesn't mind this leaves his laptop on for me to use). His hotmail account was still logged in and rightly or wrongly, I snooped.

Just over a week ago he ordered an at home hiv test that you do and send off. Wtf.. I don't know what to think? I can't exactly confront as he will know I snooped. He is putting my health at risk though if he truly thinks he might have it.. He is due home in 30 mins I need to think and act fast

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 05/02/2017 13:14

Like what??

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:16

Op, if he has any doubt about his status he should not be sleeping with anyone unprotected.

Regardless of everything else, this alone is a sackable offence.

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 05/02/2017 13:17

He always has a comment on food, like I eat too much if I eat slightly more than him and ordered one meal for me and my child to share as it'd be too much for me and him to have once each. If I pull him up on it "babe you have so much potential im trying to help you reach it" I'm a size 12 btw do hardly obese

OP posts:
Gallavich · 05/02/2017 13:17

This is the stupidest fucking thread I've ever read
The OP acting shocked that unprotected sex with a random man isn't a good idea
Other posters saying he has put her life at risk
People saying he was sneaky for ordering a test online

Fuck sake people what kind of sex education did you receive? This man is being responsible by getting tests done (though he should have done so before ditching condoms) but at least it crossed his mind, unlike the op apparently!
Can we also address the issue of a woman reading the emails of a man she has been dating for 2 months like that's ok?

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 05/02/2017 13:18

And yes, he has met my child before thats the next thing anyone says is wrong. However I was at a family party and he was there so it wasn't through choice exactly.

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:18

Op, stop giving people a stick to beat you with!

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 05/02/2017 13:19

Gallavich - I saw near the top of his inbox the words hiv kit, how could I not read it?!

OP posts:
Gallavich · 05/02/2017 13:19

Op, if he has any doubt about his status he should not be sleeping with anyone unprotected

But she also has no idea of her status as she seems to think unprotected sex without STI testing is totally normal. How many potential exposures has she had?!

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 05/02/2017 13:20

Okay I'm leaving this thread now and name changing. Thanks

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:21

Galla, take it easy.

I've had unprotected sex before. It happens for many reasons.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/02/2017 13:21

I'm honestly shocked that the majority of you are appalled at unprotected sex after two months, honestly the thought it wasnt ok never even occurred to me.

Hmm
Gallavich · 05/02/2017 13:22

I know! I'm not saying I haven't either, but I am adult enough to realise a) it's stupid and b) it's my own responsibility. The post above saying he doesn't know his status applies identically to the op.

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:22

Best of luck bored.

Search HIV Forum, it will be an American site.

There are hundred's in the same boat as you and you will receive great support.

Manepartner · 05/02/2017 13:22

Okay I'm leaving this thread now and name changing.. Fitting with the immaturity you have displayed throughout.

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:24

Galla, agreed its our own responsibility 100%

BlueFolly · 05/02/2017 13:25

For fucks sake if you are happy to share bodily fluids unprotected you should be able to open up about this stuff

Christ, I hate this kind of attitude. That you're only allowed to have sex with someone you can communicate openly and honestly with. Sometimes people just want to have sex for christs sake.

And I have never heard of people getting mutual testing for stds in RL, and I'm no skank.

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:26

If you want to pm op, you're very welcome.

You'd get more support from your tights than from some posters on here.

She made a mistake, re fuckin lax people with the put downs.

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:26

Pm me that should say.

Original poster
boredofthisnow16 · 05/02/2017 13:27

Thanks myheart

OP posts:
NarkyMcDinkyChops · 05/02/2017 13:30

Christ, I hate this kind of attitude. That you're only allowed to have sex with someone you can communicate openly and honestly with. Sometimes people just want to have sex for christs sake

And that is what condoms are for! Did you miss the key word "unprotected", or are you really claiming that people just want to have risky sex and no-one should tell them how stupid that is?

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:33

No problem :) the worry is horrific!!

Ignore all the judgemental comments.

Gallavich · 05/02/2017 13:33

And I have never heard of people getting mutual testing for stds in RL, and I'm no skank

Glad you are no skank Hmm that's really relevant

I have had STI tests prior to going condom free with every relationship (longer than a few months) since I was early 20s
I'm not alone in that, it is absolutely an expectation among my friends.

I've been a skank (!) in my youth and used condoms. That's what you do.

Rickandmorty · 05/02/2017 13:34

Some people here are so very self righteous. What is this sti check that gives you a full and clean bill of health anyway? And since when did condoms protect you from every sti? Everyone takes a risk every time they have sex. OP took a bigger risk in not using condoms. She won't do that again, I'm sure.

MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 13:36

Well said Rick.

Condoms will not protect against herpes, warts or any other condition that can be transmitted from skin to skin.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/02/2017 13:36

and I'm no skank

That means what exactly?