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Original poster

Ive made a mistake

179 replies

Bigfluffybear · 03/02/2017 21:31

Years ago i had an affair with a married man. He recently got in touch again to meet but i decided against it. Today he turned up at my workplace and we ended up going home after work and had sex. He left about 8pm. Ive made a mistake

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 05/02/2017 09:09

Right, so you used condoms with both men. So - you've already slept with the new boyfriend of 2 weeks.

I'm back to my point that exclusivity can be implied. Before OLD and the rise of the idea of an explicit exclusivity chat, I think most people would say dating + sex = expectation of exclusivity. And I believe that's still the same for most people, especially outside of OLD.

I think your boyfriend would think you cheated on him.

And as for "early days" - you posted calling him your BF, and you posted, full stop. If you thought you were still in a mutually expected open phase, you wouldn't have posted.

You cheated on the news guy, which was really shitty of you.

You're prepared to have affairs AGAIN.

Sort yourself out, before dragging other men into it Hmm

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges · 05/02/2017 09:28

I'm with you, Ellisandra. I don't get this multi dating/shagging about until the 'exclusivity chat'. If you're going on dates, kissing, holding hands, having sex... then why would you be doing that with more than one person at a time? Confused

Although I disagree that the OP wouldn't have posted, she clearly thrives on the drama and the reaction of other people or she wouldn't have posted. She isn't actually experiencing feelings of guilt. She's done this sort of thing many times before so she knows how it goes.

jeaux90 · 05/02/2017 10:13

OP as one single parent to another please try and keep your life a bit more simple.

All this drama is crap and a distraction.

Focus on your child (don't lie about his father)
Focus on your career
Focus on you and being kind to yourself

See this new guy if you want but try and keep it honest xxx

Original poster
Bigfluffybear · 05/02/2017 22:24

Thanks for all the supportive posts on here. I do feel guilty but dont see why i should ruin a potentially good relationship early on by admitting a silly mistake. My son is my priority and since i split with ex has never been introduced to another man in 8 years. My son and I are very close and i would never put anyone before him. Who his dad is is another post and not relevant to this

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 05/02/2017 22:32

2 weeks? Good grief. Took my DP a good 7 months to utter the girlfriend word!

Well, DH told me he loved me after two weeks. Still loves me after 11 years Grin

Her son is 12 and she continues to let him think a sleazy married men who shags about is his father when she knows he is not

How lovely, poor bloody kid :(

It's all very drama laden and immature OP. I hope you're actually pulling our legs.

Original poster
Bigfluffybear · 08/02/2017 10:57

For the record my son does not think my ex married bf is his dad.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 08/02/2017 11:08

No because he knows a ' friend ' as his dad.

I'll say it again, you have a bigger issue you need to sort out.

Original poster
Bigfluffybear · 08/02/2017 12:53

Yes he does think that at least my friend is decent

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/02/2017 13:02

I do feel guilty but dont see why i should ruin a potentially good relationship early on by admitting a silly mistake.

Well if your bf has a ons that I hope you will be as understanding. After all, it's just a silly mistake.

Original poster
Bigfluffybear · 08/02/2017 13:03

It was a silly mistake that wont be repeated

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 08/02/2017 13:40

It was not a mistake or an accidentHmm

You knew full well what was going to happen and you chose to do it. Just call it what it is. A choice.

SparklyMagpie · 08/02/2017 14:37

We'll see on the next thread you post whether you make that " silly mistake" that you've made one too many times Hmm

WifeyFish · 08/02/2017 14:39

I do feel guilty but dont see why i should ruin a potentially good relationship early on by admitting a silly mistake

FWIW OP I would say you would be best off being honest with your DP. Acknowledge it was a silly mistake and that it's made you realise how much you like him/want a relationship/future with him.

I was on the other side of the fence many years ago now. XH slept with his ex after our second date...of course we weren't "exclusive" it was only a second date and had I found out at the time I'd have shrugged and accepted it as a silly mistake...I mean how was he to know we'd go on to be together for years to come. Instead I found out by a message from the ex after we'd been together 2 years (and had just got engaged) which XH chose to deny for several months before finally confessing when I threatened to walk.

We were together nearly 7 years in the end, but our relationship never recovered from the lies and I found myself questioning everything about the earlier part of our relationship and wondering why on earth he felt the need to sleep with someone else after we'd just had what I thought was an amazing date. In honesty it made me view him in a completely different light, and whilst I didn't consider it cheating, the deceit was still the same.

SparklyMagpie · 08/02/2017 14:41

WifeyFish makes a good point, why don't you be honest and tell your boyfriend and see what he thinks about it

BingoBingoBingoBango · 08/02/2017 17:44

Yes he does think that at least my friend is decent

But you're lying to him. What do you think will happen when he finds out?

Original poster
Bigfluffybear · 08/02/2017 17:53

Thats a different topic to this thread bingo

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 08/02/2017 18:36

It was a silly mistake that wont be repeated

It wasn't a mistake though, was it? Be honest. With yourself, if not with us. You knew this would happen and wanted it to happen.

SparklyMagpie · 08/02/2017 19:48

Let's be honest OP, you want this desperate excuse of a man don't you? Otherwise why would you sleep with him? We all and so do you know it wasn't a mistake

BingoBingoBingoBango · 08/02/2017 20:43

Thats a different topic to this thread bingo

Maybe so but you don't appear to be taking responsibility for anything.

SparklyMagpie · 08/02/2017 23:28

OP maybe you should go back to that thread then? And rethink what's more important in your life right now?

Original poster
Bigfluffybear · 13/02/2017 18:15

Sparkly ds is the most important thing in my life

OP posts:
Chocolatefudgecake100 · 13/02/2017 21:23

Ugh seriously act normal? No u need to be honest and let him decide if he can forgive you

SparklyMagpie · 13/02/2017 22:23

What's the script now OP?

Original poster
Bigfluffybear · 13/02/2017 22:41

What does that mean Magpie?

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 13/02/2017 22:47

I mean what's happened/going on since your original post? Did you tell your boyfriend? Have you spoken to ex?

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