Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ive made a mistake

179 replies

Bigfluffybear · 03/02/2017 21:31

Years ago i had an affair with a married man. He recently got in touch again to meet but i decided against it. Today he turned up at my workplace and we ended up going home after work and had sex. He left about 8pm. Ive made a mistake

OP posts:
Violetcharlotte · 04/02/2017 22:23

Racoon I guess I believe that's there's normally a reason behind why people behave the way they do. As I've said before, I've done things I'm not proud of at all and wouldn't do now. But I've had some crap happen to me and counselling has helped me understand this. It's all too easy to look down on others and criticise... if you really want to try and get someone to see how they can improve their situation (which is the reason why we're posting here, no?) then try to empathise and think about what you can say to help that person understand for themselves how they can start to make changes.

TheHorseWithNoName · 04/02/2017 22:24

But if the boy is 12 and OP split from MM 10 years ago after a two year relationship wouldn't that point to MM being the boy's dad? Confused

SparklyMagpie · 04/02/2017 22:27

TheHorseWithNoName I also had this thought but OP claimed I think, at uni she slept with multiple men she would never be able to establish or be able to trace the father

TheHorseWithNoName · 04/02/2017 22:28

OP I hope everything works out for you and please be honest with your son regarding his father.

Violetcharlotte · 04/02/2017 22:28

Sparkly magpie. I'm not answering your questions as it's not really any of your business, but as I've said I've done things I'm not proud of and been involved with men I shouldn't have. I guess that's why I'm able to empathise with the OP. She's obviously made a lot of mistakes, but harsh condemnation isn't helpful!

TheHorseWithNoName · 04/02/2017 22:33

Oh OK, thanks for clarifying Sparkly.

OP you don't need to tell him full details but at least say you had a ONS and by the time you realised you were pregnant he was long gone. Don't let him believe that someone is his father when they are not. I'm coping with the fallout of father lies even now and I'm middle aged!

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 22:34

Little boy was 2 when OP was with MM. They split when he was 4. He is now 12 i think although i thought OP posted somewhere he was 14 but I have probably misread.

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 22:36

but harsh condemnation isn't helpful!

And there there poor you its not your fault is?

SparklyMagpie · 04/02/2017 22:36

VioletCharlotte yes i understand that but I assume you've learned from your mistakes? Difference is,OP claims she has but then keeps on making them - with the same person

I give you

SparklyMagpie · 04/02/2017 22:37

*up

ddssdd · 04/02/2017 22:37

Racoonbandit, Fieat off, did you mean to sound so grumpy?! Grin

Lonliness in the sense that she needs a lot of attention. And also adding my experience into the mix. You can still be in a r'ship & lonely... You're welcome.

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 22:38

dd sorry but I did not understand uour pist at all.

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 22:39

your post

SparklyMagpie · 04/02/2017 22:40

VioletCharlotte are you OP Wink ?

SparklyMagpie · 04/02/2017 22:42

I hope not as not all Charlotte's ( not my name honestly Blush) make these mistakes

SparklyMagpie · 04/02/2017 22:43

How does Racoonbandit sound grumpy? Confused

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 22:46

I thought i was quite chirpy Sparkly Grin

Violetcharlotte · 04/02/2017 22:49

Magpie yeah I've learnt by my
mistakes, but it took me a long time.

The OP does seem to be making the same mistakes over and over again, you're right, but women with low self esteem tend to attract the wrong type of men. And when your self esteem is low, if makes you needy, it's a vicious circle really.

She does need to make changes clearly, don't get me wrong. I just don't like the harsh, morally superior tone some of the posters in this thread are adopting.

Violetcharlotte · 04/02/2017 22:52

And no Magpie I'm not the OP! Confused

Just felt she was getting a bit of a hard time (no pun intended!) and just wanted to offer a bit of support.

Anyway I'm off now as I've spent far too much time on this tonight. Night all.

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 22:53

Well morals appear so loose around here somebody needs to have them.

Violetcharlotte · 04/02/2017 22:54
SparklyMagpie · 04/02/2017 22:56

I get where your coming from Violet, if I told you my past, my experience with men, my 0 confidence and low self esteem, I'm sorry but I'd never be in this position,it's not only her she needs to think about an that's where I'm struggling.

People make mistakes, I know but I think this is more than that. How can you not prioritise when a week or two ago she was asking whether she should tell the truth to her son that his dad ( they never had a relationship or slept together) isn't his dad, had introduced other men to her child and not corrected people who have mistaken these men as the father, and now she's sleeping around again ? I'm sorry we can all make mistakes,majority not like this, and not focus on the bigger issue?!

OP needs to get her head out of her arse and deal with the main problem first, before bringing a 10 year old ex and potential new man first

racoon I'm also failing to see your grumpiness, need to up your game !

Latetotheparty26 · 04/02/2017 22:59

I really like this guy we get on really well so i would like to give it a good go.

Sooooo give it a go then! You keep answering your own questions! Sorry you're having a hard time on here OP but....you're really not helping yourself, you sound like an attention seeker. If you weren't then you'd have changed your username.

AnyFucker · 04/02/2017 23:17

I have no opinion on op's morals. I don't care how many men she has slept with. I just think she's a bit stupid

OliviaStabler · 05/02/2017 07:56

OP why did you post about this? Is it because you knew what the response would be and feel less guilty if people tell you a few home truths?