Brave Babes - reconvene here!!!

[dementedma]

Hi all
We seem to have finished the last thread but no-one has done a new one. Don't get lost! Gather here until we can sort it out.

Green Opal fruits you say?

I love, love, love that you all hate Mrs Perfect.You guys rock

Morning all, have been up since 5.45. Very glad I didn't drink. When these dc are teenagers I am going to bring them a cup of tea and be loudly cheery at 6 am every morning, irrespective of when they went to bed!

madein that sounds completely terrifying, glad to hear that you're looking for a new post. Bloody hell!

spanna is it still exciting to be sober or do you not think about it so much now?

Ma hope you had a great night

Morning all

Guggs I do think about it but not every day, it's not what I would describe as exciting, more like pride in myself Some days I wake up and think. fuck I could do with a drink. Moments make me think - shit why am I doing this? I was at a wedding reception last week and the bride shoved her glass of champs into my hand and said look after this whilst I cut the cake. So there I was with my tonic and lime in one hand, and fizz in the other I looked at the fizz and thought - your flat (which it was), warm (which it was) and you'll taste disgusting. I do sometimes day dream about a cold, fresh glass of fizz - that feeling of Aaaah when it hits the blood stream - ho hum. Feels like another life.

Lux what's your luxury today babe?

Elba I hope you're tooth is feeling better - good luck today x

Hope you've been on my mind - are you ok lovely?

Beaches how are you sunflower? must be getting a bit warmer over the atlantic? come and say hello x

Fox how are you lovely? x

off to work for an hour back later

Morning all,
Blimey, the thread has moved quickly! Spanna hello m'dear, your words are very reassuring to me, you have done brilliantly and you are now my official role model
I am indulging myself in a luxury right now, the rest of the family are still snoring so I am drinking good coffee and spending time on the internet in peace - small pleasures.

Made don't think we've 'met' - pleasure hope to hear more from you.

Elba how's that tooth?

Everyone else, so many now, hello, hope you all have a good day. We try, we dry, we hang on in there - we really do rock.

Hello everyone,

Spanna, as my official hero & person I aspire to be, I have more questions.

Those women you used to meet up with on Fridays and sink wine with - did you still meet up with them after giving up the booze? Did it feel weird? Did they understand?

Did you set yourself a day when you were going to give up - like a big occasion - or did you just wake up one morning and decide you'd had enough?

How honest are you when people ask you why you don't drink?

Sorry for the inquisition but I want to get where you are and I need a plan of attack!

Good luck with your run today Elba! Hope the tooth is ok.

Morning Margie good questions for Spanna I am interested too.

For myself, nobody has batted an eyelid when I've said I'm not drinking, or drinking much. I've said I did dry January (which everyone accepts as a thing) and that I enjoyed it and felt so much better I've decided to carry on. I have said to a couple of people that it is for health reasons and nobody has pressed me to drink luckily. I have good friends I am happy to be open with if they ask questions.

Anyway, off to get dressed, have a good day.

Margie I boarded this bus over 3 years ago now (I think) as I knew I had a problem. Back then I couldn't even get past day 3 My birthday nearly 2 years ago, I went out for lunch with a few friends, my mum and my DDs, in perfect Spanna style I got hammered. Woke up the next day and thought enough is enough and started my 100 day challenge. All my homies thought I was mad and I know they all thought 'there's no way she'll be able to do this' I avoided my local pub, I hauled myself up with shitty TV when I got home of an evening. (think Millionaire Matchmaker and Housewives) After a month I started to venture out a bit more, drank Becks Blue in social situations. I then got to 100 days and thought WTF do I do now, so I did another 100 days, during this time one of my BFs got married (she was aware that I wasn't drinking) And we had a conversation that went along the lines of 'Spanna you are going to have some fizz to toast my wedding aren't you?' When I said no, she said 'not even one just for the toast' and I said no because one won't be one, it's more likely to be a whole bottle and then some. Although she was disappointed - she got through her day without me drinking and actually my soberdom aloud me to make sure that her day went smoothly with no cliches. The fact that I didn't have a drink at my BFs wedding has made me over time, stop to think about the urge every time I wanted a drink I'd say to myself 'well you didn't drink at J's wedding, you really can't justify having a drink now'
So I just keep going and my lot have now accepted that I don't drink, there are some jabs about my halo sometimes (usually from people that have their own demons with booze)

I hope that helps x

Waves Good Morning.
I'm suffering with this blasted cold/ virus thing.
Last Sunday we went to a gig and I had a bottle of Cider but nothing since.
It's pissing down here and my hair needs dyeing. It's been a really flat week. Couldn't even be bothered to get to the gym , again.
Hopefully this week will be better as my bosses are away so I can catch up on mumsnet work in peace.
My luxury has been these flowers to cheer myself up. The relentless shitty weather probably dosent help my mood!

Mint lovely flowers Well done on just the one bottle that is excellent. So do you have plans to go to the gym this week? It's so nice when bosses are away! have a good Sunday babe x

Margie I realised some time ago that I couldn't moderate - I really have no 'off' button - I've always been a 'do everything in excess' kind of girl! There was talk on here recently about addictive personalities - I am this person. In my 20s I was a cocaine addict, a habit that went from High Days and holidays to a daily habit for 2 years. When I met my DDs dad I was 6.5 stone (thought I looked gorgeous) and a complete coke addict He saved my life by gradually getting me away from the people I spent time with etc... This is probably why I stayed with him for as long as I did (20 years and 2dds later) All this time I've been a functioning alcoholic, ran a business, bought up my girls, managed my life and it all seemed quite normal to me. What I now realise I was doing was hazing and masking everything that I was unhappy about. The past 2 years have been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster but I can say with my hand on my heart, it have been so worth it! I am a better mum, daughter, friend and an all round nicer person (I'm not saying any of this to seem smug, I do realise how hard it is)

Thanks for the welcome everyone and ooh mint those flowers look nice

Lux thank you I somehow missed your post back there. Oh yes the twilight zone when the rest of the family are Zzzzzz it's one of my favourite times of the day, that and a decent cup of coffee Have a good day x

spanna41
At 5.50 I could only afford one!

Thank you so much Spanna. I recognize so much of myself in the person you were, and I desperately want to be the person you are now.

Even though I'm quite a strong person, I am so ridiculously easily-swayed when it comes to booze and find it impossibly hard to say no if other people are drinking around me. I think if were to give it up for good, I'd actually have to admit to my nearest and dearest the extent of my problem, and that is not a conversation I'm ready to have with anyone in RL yet.

You're a star, I hope you can appreciate how far you've come, it must have been so hard at times.

elba how's the tooth? Hope you've got some pain relief for it

Margie I'm still that person but living differently My mum and brother haven't said anything I've just said 'having done 100 days, I've decided to do another' then when I'd done that I just said that I feel so much better without booze, so I'm just going to knock it on the head.
Mind you Christmas Day my mum got right on my tits, pissed on fizz, but passed out just after the queens speech, bless her! You will find your way lovely it just may take a bit of time.
There was a babe on here Sobersoc and she went AF a while before me and it just clicked for her one day, that's kind of what happened with me. Reading soc's posts would really help me and it was her encouragement that really helped. Hello Soc if you still lurk
Right it looks like it's stopped raining and skinny dog is giving me that 'I need a shit' look.
Laters x

i remember socfish, she used to drive the night bus..
I'm in awe of all the Babes who have got, and stay, sober. Venus is another inspiration, and faire
there was also the Babe (who's name escapes me), who had to get sober to have her young child returned to her care and we followed that battle every step of the way. there wasn't a dry eye in the bus the day she got her little boy back!
I want to be one of those Babes. I've been doing a lot of thinking and my resentment at Mrs Perfect is actually anger and resentment at myself, for not achieving what I could have done in my life, what I am capable of. I am making a plan which consists of lots of baby steps. In the words of the song, "A change is gonna come...."

made good to see you back!

margie I can really relate. Especially about what I would say to people if I gave up for good. In all honesty I don't think I'm ready- I can do a week or so and enjoy being af then end up back where I started. It's so confusing.

spanna you've done amazingly and it's so reassuring hearing how much better things are af.

So I got through my first half marathon today- now just have to double that in 9 weeks time Drunk marathon balloting is not a good idea people! Did enjoy it though but the course was horrendous- turns out 'pleasant and undulating' actually means 'nice views but hilly as fuck'. Looking forward to getting back to my flat road runs. A friend surprised me by waiting at the finish line too which was lovely, so we had a pub lunch after.

Tooth not too bad touch wood, but going to be paranoid for the next 10 days I think until I can get the fucker out...it's a bottom wisdom tooth which is partially impacted, and now broken

Off to have a bath- am covered in mud and aching- and hopefully an early night. I have bought wine though, but not sure if I will stay awake to drink it!

Afternoon all,
I am in the sidecar after having wine last night and the night before, which was lovely in some ways, but (usual story) I seem to have to drink a whole bottle.....
Definitely none tonight though. Keeping an eye on the bigger picture.

Ma the Mrs Perfect thing really made me smile.

Elba Well done on getting round the course :)

Ma I second you about Venus and Nuff they are the rocks Was that babe called Why?
How's your uncluttered lounge and new curtains doing? sorry such a living the High Life question

Grumpy 'watch the film to the end' is a very helpful mantra - my film ending never ends well and remember 'no-one ever regrets not drinking' Af day today is good going Will you join me AF tomorrow?

Elba YAY you did it babe that's brilliant and a pub lunch to boot Have a lovely rest in your lovely new bed babe, you deserve it

Yes Socfish used to drive us at night as she lives in Oz

How's everyone doing? Sunday night is a funny old night, always feels like a school night with the looming weeks work ahead

I'm slowly disappearing down the rabbit hole of elaborate drinks again. Today I'm experimenting with iced tea: lemon and ginger teabags and sliced fruit. Must have a glass of something around all the time.

Congratulations on completing your half-marathon, Elba! That's a hell of an achievement.

I'm nodding along to a lot of what's being said here, especially about being unable to moderate in general, and resentment. Ma I'm filled with resentment and bitterness a lot of the time, so much that I feel like it's become ingrained in me. It scares me. I find myself hating people who have so much. I'm jealous and can't stop even though I know it's self-destructive and wasteful and bad for me.

I also feel like I've become a misery vampire, searching out things (negative news stories, experiences) to confirm my perspective on the world. It just feeds into my "everything's shit, why bother breaking out of the pattern, fuck it and let's have another drink" mentality. What really, really frightens me is that even though I recognise all of this I'm struggling to stop and change things. It's like being frozen in place.

Carte the world is pretty shit at the moment, that would be the case AF or drinking. You are trying to make changes by posting here and recognising yourself in others I can so relate to your 'it's like being frozen in place'
All I know is that life is short (seems much shorter approaching 50) and I've wasted so much time and money on this legal drug that actually doesn't do us any good at all. Yes the first mouthful is amazing, the first glass just hits that spot, the second sets the mood for the evening and then anything can happen AND then you wake up, usually at stupid o'clock with a mouth like a gorilla's armpit, de-hydrated and feeling like utter shite and don't get me started on the guilt and trying to piece the evening together because I really can't remember........
We all know how it goes. Be kind to yourself and well done for coming aboard this lovely bus - I'm sure it will help you

carteblah I can relate to that.
Elba bloody well done on a half marathon.I'm impressed.
De-cluttered sitting room is once again full of clutter. Where the fuck does it all come from?

Will you join me AF tomorrow?

I will be doing that :) Actually, I've got into quite a good routine of not drinking Sun-Thu nights (only one exception in 2017 and that's when my parents were here in half term). Friday nights, predictably, are my pinch point.

Work is full-on at the moment, I've recently taken on a bigger role and am generally cracking out 50 hour weeks just to get stuff done. I'm also a Beaver Scout leader (actually handing this over at the end of term....) and the weekly meeting is Friday night 6-7.30pm. By the time I get home after that, a glass of wine is so incredibly tempting. DH is usually having one by then, and I often feel I've barely spoken to him all week, aside from sorting out dinners and child logistics!

Of course, if I could just have a couple of glasses, all would be well, but we always open a second bottle and always finish it.

Such kind, thoughtful posts. I'm really thinking about what you are all saying and I've found that just the simple act of posting,well ok- on line whinging in my case, changes something.
spanna I really value what you say, thank you.
elba well done on that half marathon, wow!
carte a misery vampire!!!! Yes that's what's' happened to me. I'm not working at the moment and I miss work but I've begun to tell myself that I'm useless and rubbish and no one will ever employ me against. Etc. Then I gave up wearing nice clothes and getting my hair cut blah,blah,blah. Actually, I'm a bit miserable and I've let resentment and jealousy get completely out of control.
I used to be so cheerful and good at my job. And thin, I was thin....

I'm af again tonight. Does anyone do the gratitude list thing? Might help.

ma I always really admire you, you're always busy and going out and dealing with stuff. bugger miss perfect, probably dull as fuck.

Night all, waves at grumpy
Am going to think more about this resentment thing. I've kind of allowed someone to bully me about my son and his Sen , ds is fucking awesome but this person made me feel ashamed for a little while. Think my sodding children might be my Achilles heel because I'm as tough as old boots normally.Perhaps I should go for CBT counselling about it.