Brave Babes - reconvene here!!!

[dementedma]

Hi all
We seem to have finished the last thread but no-one has done a new one. Don't get lost! Gather here until we can sort it out.

Don't forget to have a big glass of water 42. ❤

Aw bottles thank you.
That's why i love this bus

(And scrub the red wine marks off your lips! 😂😘)

Har. I'm alright cos I've never stopped snacking

Hello all. I'd like to join this thread- I posted a bit under a different username over a year ago and had a few months of not drinking under my belt before it all fell apart again. It's become pretty bad and earlier this week I just felt so terrible and low that I ended up finishing off a drink from the previous night before 9am. I've rationalised things a hell of a lot but there's no way of waving that away, is there?

My life is a bloody mess and I'm scared to face up to it, I've used alcohol and food to hide away from so many problems. Tbh I feel like the human version of that closet that you shove all of your rubbish and things you don't want to deal with into and try not to think about.

I'm bloody scared to face life without alcohol and food, whenever I feel bad (which is often) it's eat eat eat and drink drink drink. They've become my sole comforts and I'm not sure how to build up other coping mechanisms. I'm just SICK of being on the merry-go-round of starting to sort things out and then sabotaging it all after several months.

Phew, well that's out now. Hope you're all well.

Plucking up the courage to post. Day 1 here and I'm struggling. Long story short, over the last 2 years my drinking has spiralled. Both my children are relatively small (DS is 5, DD is 3). Yesterday was my rockiest of rock bottoms, drank most of the day so today I've got the jitters, very sweaty and just a general mess. DH has had to take the day off work and has in short told me this is last chance saloon. I don't want to be like this anymore. DH is my absolute only friend in the world, family are big big drinkers and have all seen my life slowly come apart. So here I am. I feel completely broken and I can't see a way out. Hoping to find some solace here.

carteblah and notsobeachready I'm new so I'll just say hello. It looks like the babes make this a very welcoming place - hoping the support helps you both.

Morning Everybabe,
Welcome to the new Babes , you're in the right place.

Carte well done for staying off the booze before, you did it once you can do it again. Were there things that particularly helped last time?
Beach May I shorten your name thus? Facing your demons is the first and probably biggest step. Frightening to admit to ourselves how things spiral out of control so I admire you very much for posting. You feel broken and I do understand, really I do, but, ever the optimist, there isn't much that can't be fixed.

Just join in and share as little or a much as you feel comfortable with, we are sometimes just chatty and it's good to have a giggle with people in a similar boat, we sometimes go deep, but we won't go under - right?

Today is brand new and all shiny, for me it will be AF. 55 days since I last got caught out by the wine witch. Never in my wildest did I think I would do that.

Wishing everyone a good or at least better day.

Luxury very happy with the name and thanks for the very warm welcome all. Congratulations on the winning streak, I am cautiously optimistic I may be able to get there myself soon!
Currently toying with where I am in the dependant/a little too reliant situation. I know I can sober up, however I don't know when the switch flicked from enjoying a glass of wine or two at the weekend, to where I am now, a lot poorer, fatter and miserable. Perhaps a 'definition' can wait for a bit. I have mental health issues and the two are very unhappy bedfellows, although definitely not for everyone.
So, it's a coffee for me. DH very kindly went to the shop for some nice biscuits to try and make up for the lack of Pinot.
Any top tips or coping strategies?

Thanks, Luxury! And hello to notsobeachready and leica.

I'm trying to remember what worked last time. What's weird is that it felt really easy for a period until it suddenly wasn't- seeing the sober days clock up was really satisfying and then it just clicked that this could be permanent and something in my brain went 'actually, no'. Then it sloooowly ramped up again.

Anyway- I had lots of different soft drinks and teas around me. I lived off good quality tea. I considered it my treat. I tried to find other things to reward myself with, like buying good quality food with the money I'd spend on alcohol. I spent a lot of time reading other people's stories, articles and the odd forum (this thread and the stopdrinking subreddit were always helpful). Immersing myself in that positive encouraging online environment helped, as did posting when I felt a wobble to keep me on track. And I tried to keep my eyes off the future because I tend to get very anxious and afraid when I think too much about the big stuff like not drinking 'forever', so I kept the focus on today. I can't think of too much else. I'm really good at building up these good habits and then suddenly burning it all down, hah.

Carte that sounds so familiar and actually makes me nervous as I have found the last 7ish weeks fairly easy, the odd wobble but nothing too drastic, and like you did have been treating myself to better food, good coffee etc. I am clearly going to have to keep very focussed.

My big triggers are being hungry and thirsty, being slightly hungry and dry mouthed makes me want wine, nothing slips down quite like it, but I've kept that at bay by keeping hydrated, and keeping busy. Also, being aware of the danger hour (7-8pm in my case) and doing something else at that time helps.

I am still croaky and under the weather today, yet another early night beckons.

Catch up later.

Hi beach and carte! Hope you've had good days today everyone. Think lux is spreading her lurgy round the bus cos I have it now too. Sore throat, headache, aching joints. So in bed now. Nipped in to Sainsbury's and bought "girl on a train" and a scented candle. Book cost £3.99, candle cost £9. At first I felt this was a little indulgent - but then realised I would happily spend that of a weekend on wine. And these tears will last me several days if not a week or two. Day 4 af for me. Feel rotten physically, but lying here in my fresh clean bed, in my lovely warm flat and trying to be thankful for what I do have. There is pleasure in lots of small things, and ways to cheer yourself up when you are feeling a bit rotten, that don't involve wine. 😊

*treats not tears

Hope you feel better soon bottle glad you bought some nice treats. Silver lining of feeling unwell is you can't really drink so embrace the germs going to bed myself soon.

Sleep well everyone .

Hi everyone. I'd like to join you. I can see I'm part of a newbie influx

I've had a difficult relationship with alcohol for a long time. I'm a lot better now than I was, but I still have some changes to make. I stopped drinking while I was pregnant with, and breastfeeding, my daughter (now a toddler), but now I have more latitude it's trickier. Left to my own devices I settle into a pattern of drinking a bottle of wine every night I'm not out at an exercise class.

Recently I stopped drinking for 3 weeks and enjoyed it. I decided to make home an alcohol-free zone, as my trigger is that time of the day when I cook dinner. This was working really well but I had a very frustrating weekend a couple of weeks ago, slipped, and drank quite a lot in the house on a Sunday night, and since then things have gone right back to the way they used to be.

My husband is supportive, but I think I need a community around me as well. Thus coming here. So: I'm not drinking tonight.

Looking forward to getting to know you all!

Good morning Everybabe

Big welcome Flora yes, these habits are so easy to slip into. I could easily down a bottle or more a night. You have done fantastically well to have managed 3 weeks, so you know you can do it which is a terrific start. We have to be on our guard for those wobbles and slips, I have all alcohol locked away in my house.
Just join in with us, it's a bit quieter than usual but there's normally someone about.

Stay safe in the storms everybody.

Morning all
welcome new Babes and waving to old
Hope all are okay. To the newbies, i've not been here that long (Oct/Nov?) and I can tell you being here has made a big difference to my drinking (less but some) and my thinking (loads of insights on here and supportive place to muse).
I'm a bit blue, things awful with H and I don't think we can fix it as he thinks I am unreasonable asking for changes he had previously agreed to . But af yest and will be today and tomorrow.
That's far enough to plan.
Have a good day everyone.

Hi 42 sorry to hear things are awful with you, well done on your af days though, might help you to think more clearly without the wine fog.

I feel trapped indoors by Doris (not a line I ever thought I would write) the bins are flying up and down the road. Might risk a walk out later.

Thanks luxury. I believe posting here will help. I think half the trouble is that I get very little real-world feedback as those who are close to me don't see me as a 'real alcoholic' (i.e. I don't drink antifreeze at 6am) so they find it hard to understand how damaging drinking can be to my mental health. And conversely they find it hard to understand how triumphant I feel when I'm looking after myself and doing things that would have been impossible five years ago - like not drinking in the house.

But I know people here will get it.

We will get it Flora I have posted a lot about how alcohol is everywhere soap operas, Facebook memes, how it trips off the tongue 'come in for a glass of wine' 'bad news, I need a drink' 'good news, let's crack open a bottle'
Somebody on the thread, and I'm afraid I don't remember who said that alcohol is the one drug people will encourage you to keep taking 'one won't hurt, it's a special occasion' - imagine saying to somebody, 'come on, one more line of coke/cigarette won't hurt'
You can say to a stranger at the bus stop 'Oh I've had a tough day, can't wait to put my feet up with a nice glass of wine' and chances are they will agree, not bat an eyelid.

You do what you need to do, quietly in the background. It does play havoc with mental health, I never realised how anxious it made me because I was anxious everyday, that was because I was at least mildly pissed every night. Vicious circle.

Anyway I am popping out for a while, good day to all.

You are so right luxury. It's endemic. All the 'gin solves everything'-style crap that you see on cards, coasters, memes etc. is a nightmare. I've had friends buy that stuff for me, especially because I'm a mum of a toddler, I think. There's a lot of 'you deserve it' chat. It's all very well if you have an off button for alcohol, but that's not my forte. And parenting a toddler is not fun when you drank too much last night and now you have to get up at 6. Gin does not solve everything, it largely makes it a fuckload more difficult.

My best friend said to me, when I stopped drinking recently: 'But you're not an alcoholic. If you fancy a drink now and again you can have one.' This is someone who knows that five years ago I was putting away half a litre of gin a night. I love her to bits and she means no harm, but she and others have no idea how hard I have to fight to stop statements like that taking root in my brain and popping out when I'm tired and fighting the cravings.

From the outside I look like I don't need to worry about my drinking - because I work so hard to combat drinking. S'not like it comes naturally.

Anyhoo you're right, I know what I need to do to keep myself safe and happy.

Enjoy the walk. It's brisk out there. Birds are flying backwards.

Your friend means no harm because so many people drink to excess it's seen ad normal.

The stereotypes of alcoholics as people who drink at breakfast, look dishevelled and can't function at all run deep. So women who look after children, have good jobs and put their lippy on every day can't be alcoholic right? Or have a problem cos, you know, Prosecco isn't what an alcoholic drinks. Neither is good gin.

We talk and joke about wine o clock and hurrah for gin, it's so acceptable in our culture. I have the 'wine fund' money box etc. It's mad when you finally realised.

Hi all, day 5 af for me.

Hangover is finally fading, and I'm starting to feel more positive. Dp is home tonight. I have been managing on my own for 3 weeks and truth was I was lonely. So things are looking up and I am feeling more positive, but I have to be careful that I don't get lulled into a false sense of security and think it's ok to have "just the one".

Finished girl on a train already - in just over 24hrs! Like someone else on the thread, I could definitely identify with the black outs and feel like only a step away from Rachel. I found myself sneaking off during work to read more! I guess if I'm going to get hooked on something else, books aren't so bad 😊.

Iwent shopping earlier and bought dp a bottle of red. I drink white (red gives me migraines), so I feel kind of "safe" doing that. I also bought myself a bottle of AF Chardonnay which I anticipate will probably be minging, but it least it might help me feel less left out!

Got on the scales this morning and Christ that was depressing! I was doing really well and had lost when I went to SW last Thursday, but getting shitfaced and binging for days after and feeling sorry for myself means that I've gained loads. Back on it now though, and tonight I tucked into this lush chocolate caramel dessert thing with the syns I would have used on wine.

Onwards and upwards. Time for a nice soak in the bath and a bit of pampering before dp arrives. Keep being brave babes! 😉

Just trying to compile a "relaxing in the bath" playlist on Spotify. Any suggestions babes?

What do you like to listen to?