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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Brave Babes - reconvene here!!!

999 replies

dementedma · 31/01/2017 21:12

Hi all
We seem to have finished the last thread but no-one has done a new one. Don't get lost! Gather here until we can sort it out.

OP posts:
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17
LuxuryWoman2017 · 20/02/2017 21:50

Oh sorry bottle it was pickle who was struggling today.
You know, I reckon so many people are problem drinkers that everyone just sees it as normal to drink to excess. We are surrounded by the message that drinking is the thing to do.

OK, that's me, eyes are closing!

Inarightpickleandchutney · 20/02/2017 21:50

Oh my word I actually made it through the danger zone!
I'm in bed without a drink in me!

How smug will I feel tomorrow?? I'm clinging on to these thoughts to stop me going back downstairs....

venusandmars · 20/02/2017 21:51

Leica, welcome. And join in as much or as little as you want. Just come along for the ride and see how It goes. No pressure.

Bottlesoflove · 20/02/2017 22:03

Lux you're very right. I just have to accept that drinking is not for me. I have deciding that I am unwillingly to accept the numerous downsides for the illusion (imo) of it's advantages.

Bottlesoflove · 20/02/2017 22:04

Congrats pickle! 👊

LuxuryWoman2017 · 21/02/2017 07:50

So sorry Leica welcome of course.

Morning everyone else, hope all babes are well.

Bottlesoflove · 21/02/2017 07:53

Lux I am taking a leaf out of your book today and am being kind to myself. So I am now in the bath instead of my morning shower - just cos I feel like it! And am supposed to be on a diet, but thought "fuck it" and had peanut butter on toast for brekkie. In the bath. With proper coffee. I am trying to
Learn to find the pleasure in other things apart from alcohol. And recognise that I deserve to have a bit of pleasure otherwise what's the fucking point in anything?!

LuxuryWoman2017 · 21/02/2017 08:06

Wine was such a bad habit for me bottles and one I will always have to remain wary of forming again, but new habits are forming, much healthier habits. It's really helped me to not feel deprived when I can splash out on a new top or lipstick instead of a bottle that will ultimately make me feel crap.
Enjoy your soak and your coffee (cos you're worth it!)

Off for my own shower now, have a deep conditioner for my hair to try out.
Today will be AF, tonight is bomb night! (Garnier shares creeping up again)

leica · 21/02/2017 10:35

Thank you venusandmars and Luxurywoman2017

My partner is long-term sick (5 years so far) and so wine is the only thing just for me. I go out to work, I pay all the bills, there are no holidays and very few luxuries so wine is my reward and the only way I can stop the constant cycle of worry and stress and just not have to be bloody responsible for a few hours. It sucks.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 21/02/2017 11:34

Very tough situation Leica and I totally get that feeling that wine is your reward, did it for years 'my time'
I have only in the last few weeks come to realise that wine fuelled my stress and anxiety, clouded my judgement, trashed my sleep and digestion, the list could go on and on.

We've also had a tough time financially and like you I saw wine as my one treat. However, I was spending around £40 a week - ludicrous!

I've had to really think long and hard to get here where I haven't had wine so far this year, it's been eye-opening, I have regrets from the past but I am determined to keep pushing through.

leica · 21/02/2017 11:40

You sound really strong! Flowers

LuxuryWoman2017 · 21/02/2017 11:49

I don't know if I am, I have certainly become more honest and self-aware and looking after myself better and being nicer to myself is now becoming a good habit.
I've had to change my whole mind-set, is wine really a treat when it leads to a sleepless, sweaty night? When the amount I spend on alcohol means I can't afford something nice? Is it more of a treat and more relaxing to not drink, get into a clean bed with a good book and have a good rest? Or more relaxing to paint my toes and fully concentrate on the film or book.

I won't spend the rest of my life regretting things in the past but I will acknowledge them and be sorry. I was getting to a dangerous point with booze, sink or swim time - I choose to swim, while keeping a sharp eye out for dangers Smile

SweetLathyrus · 21/02/2017 12:20

Sorry I haven't been around, not had a chance to read back yet. I had one bottle spread out over Friday and Saturday (so tired, I stopped thinking), but I'm AF again now, day three or 16 of 18 if I want to be generous.

Bottlesoflove · 21/02/2017 12:39

I am a junior doctor and single parent and have my daughter 50%, so it feels as though if I am not working, I am stuck at home alone with my daughter at the weekend. Somehow having a glass of wine alone on a Saturday night feels less "sad" than sat home alone at the weekend having a cup of tea! It feels like it is my "treat" but actually now I'd like to focus on treats that make me feel good rather than one that leaves me incapable of enjoying time with my daughter during the days.

leica · 21/02/2017 12:41

Bottlesoflove I totally get all of that. Such a shame that stuff that's bad for us feels so good. Sad

LuxuryWoman2017 · 21/02/2017 18:55

Such a shame that stuff that's bad for us feels so good yes, but it makes us feel good fleetingly. I have learned over the last few weeks the good stuff makes us feel better and for much longer. I need to keep remembering that.

How's everyone?
My head is pounding, think it is the cough. Another early night for me.

Bottlesoflove · 21/02/2017 22:37

I agree lux. I find it's making me feel increasingly less good - even at the time. I remember feeling uncomfortable and insecure even WHILST drinking on Saturday, and I was in my home with two of my oldest friends. So I drank more. Hence the blackout. I'm sure I wouldn't have felt like that if they were just over for a cup of tea. It's such a false friend (the booze) and I'm finally starting to see that...

Inarightpickleandchutney · 21/02/2017 22:42

Day 2 here, I'm fuming at everything, no real reason nothing gone wrong just angry I haven't had any wine!

Bottlesoflove · 21/02/2017 22:51

Don't be angry pickle - be happy! You have escaped! 😊 Seriously though, although it is hard, try to see this as positive and think of all the plus sides of being af...

Day 3 af for me. Still feel rotten from Saturday. It is no massive achievement going this long for me, but each day adds up. You can do it pickle! Just think tomorrow, even if you are not as bright eyed and bushy tailed as you'd like, you'll not feel half as shit as you would if you'd snorted a load of coke, smoked loads of fags and sank a couple of bottles of rose. You should give yourself more credit, you've done amazingly. 😊

Why don't you take the £12 you would have spent on rose today and go and buy yourself something lush with it tomorrow? A lipstick? Or fuck it, even £12 worth of chocolate! Might make you feel a bit less ragey!

theansweris42 · 21/02/2017 22:56

Well I've had a bottle red.
Justification? Know it has to end with H. Pronto.
How does wine help? I hear you ask. Not one iota, I gamely reply.
Well done AF babes.
To those like me who wish they were, tomorrow is a fresh new day.

Bottlesoflove · 21/02/2017 23:00

Anyway off to bed now. Having basically had a three day hangover, I am determined to be a bit more productive tomorrow. Eat better, get a few things done in the evening, go to a yoga class. Dp is back on Thursday so I have something to look forward to - though I will be massively tempted to have a glass of wine with him so I may be on here reminding myself of why I need to stay strong...😊

theansweris42 · 21/02/2017 23:03

Off to bed too, bar is closed 🔐

Inarightpickleandchutney · 21/02/2017 23:03

Thanks bottle that has helped!

It's all in the mind and it's been weeks since I've had nothing at all to drink so it's bound to be rubbish to start with.

Bottlesoflove · 21/02/2017 23:05

Hi 42. Yes tomorrow is a new day. Even seen/read gone with the wind? Channel your inner Scarlett O'Hara. Sorry things are shit with dh. If it helps I split with my dp for no other reason I didn't love him anymore. When I first moved in to my new place on my own a few years ago I was doing a bottle a night. No one to split the bottle with or notice what I was drinking - and it is so hard to put an opened bottle back in the fridge and not polish it off (I drink white). I used to hide the empties in my car and take them to the recycling centre so the neighbours wouldn't see my recycling and judge. The guys at the tip must have thought I was having a party every weekend! 😳

theansweris42 · 21/02/2017 23:09

Ah bottles we all would gain from channelling Scarlet. Thanks. Sleep well all x

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